CTB'ing after successfull recovery

[dandan]

Today I am having unpleasant thoughts about the future, complaining about past mistakes, and with the conversation in my mind about how I am not meeting the employment standards, and I blame the 20 years of depression, how ECT therapy must've messed up my brain and capacity to learn, and drug abuse, and emotion torture for 20 years, plus 2 hard hits in the head, real hard, doctors couldnt predict if I would recover "sanity".

So todaythe future does looks grim, financially, and that is very disturbing.
Specially because my parents force me to sold what today is 2million dollar amount of ethereum, when I crashed my car and couldnt pay for it.
Plus they never invested not even 1 bitcoin when I asked them too... we couldve made such a big amount of money, but they didnt hear me.
and I begged them for around 2 years , 7 years ago, but I was "crazy".

Today, with testosterone and dianabol I feel good, but I dont have more than 300usd in my bank account and Ive been "saving" for a long time.... like you said
living paycheck to paycheck.

fuck....

I have N in my fridge.... I could drink it and let all be over :)

it is expirating on March 2020, and probably lasts a few more months after the expiration date....

I am tempted hahahahaha LOL
If I could work fluently I would have no problem, but I am having trouble working, and I dont know what else could I do to earn money.....
So I am really worried.....

specially about the money part....damm...

its not that I dont want to work, its that I dont want to live paycheck to paycheck, and I dont know what I could do....
plus I can loose my job and it would be hard to obtain a job with the same paycheck amount...
so I feel doomed....

why are you still alive? what are you holding on?

I always holded on the idea I could feel fine.
today with testo and dianabol, I feel fine, I feel cool.
but now the lack of skills to make money are really fucking me up...

so now I have less to hold on to...
do you undestand what Im trying to say?
I guess what im trying to say, its that I can still consider CTB'ing as a way out of this annoying sensation,
that couldve been avoided if my parents invested even 500usd in Ethereum the day it launched and the day I begged them... damm..

any comments anyone?

 

[Backwood_tilt]

dandan.....you can do this.

Your story sounds really tragic. And i know it sucks to be in such dire financial straits. Finances are a big stressor for many people, and you are not alone. But you've already decided to leave this place once! The T and Dianabol made such a massive difference for you... who knows what else is on the horizon that can drastically improve your circumstances.

It is going to be hard, it is going to suck, and you might always have that thought of "well i have a way out if i choose to" in the back of your mind. But i truly believe you can find the strength and resilience to carry on and live out your life.

And if i'm wrong, the SS community will always be here for you. Whether your SN expires or not.