Hello guys, I think my time has come. I made this decision 1.5 years ago when my health worsened immensely and I was no longer able to leave my home. Since then - I have been caught up in the downward spiral and my physical health simply does not stop on getting worse. I am in so much pain and in a situation that even SS sufferers have it hard to imagine.
I have two bottles of N and some Domperidone which I bought from some online pharmacy overseas. I am reluctant to use it however so I think I would just chug the N without any antiemetics. I plan to go during the weekend, since I will be home alone and I almost never have this opportunity in my parents house, where I was forced to come and live after doctors ruined my health irreversibly. Due to my disability I can't travel anywhere otherwise I would have booked some AIRbnb or hotel nearby.
I already went through my hard drives and deleted all the pictures I don't want to leave behind. I will wipe my computer and my phone and leave instructions all my gaming setup to be donated to a kid in need. I also have some money saved which will go to the organisation that deals with raising funds and looking for a cure for my condition. I also plan on sending some small presents to the people that didn't fully leave me when I got sick.
What is left is the suicide note - I don't even know where to start from. My parents, cousin, brother, aunt, uncle, all relatives and people I thought were my friends just gaslighted me, undermined my struggles and mocked me. The only good thing was that my parents took care of me when I became disabled so I didn't end up homeless - but this all came with the price tag I mentioned above. So I really wonder if I should be leaving something for them behind. They will still talk the same shit for me when I am dead - that I was not a man enough, they will underestimate my conditions and they will tell people I was just crazy and was making this all up. Because this is what they think of me now and they made this very clear some time ago.
The truth is I did nothing wrong to anyone of them and I was ALWAYS helpful and gave them a helping hand when needed - and this is what I received in return - betrayal from the people I thought were there for me. This only proves my point people are simply animals - they will exclude the weak ones from the herd and only the strongest must survive. It is a fucking instinct I guess...
Anyways, currently I am really struggling what to write in the suicide note and I would like some inputs. I know this is personal but I am just so confused in the moment, because of all the things that happened during those last 2 years and how people changed their attitude towards me. If I was healthy enough - I would not even consider them that important anymore and just move away from them - not even come to visit them on holidays after how they treated me. So should I leave something behind, should I even bother? I don't really know, it is a messed up situation for sure...
I have two bottles of N and some Domperidone which I bought from some online pharmacy overseas. I am reluctant to use it however so I think I would just chug the N without any antiemetics. I plan to go during the weekend, since I will be home alone and I almost never have this opportunity in my parents house, where I was forced to come and live after doctors ruined my health irreversibly. Due to my disability I can't travel anywhere otherwise I would have booked some AIRbnb or hotel nearby.
I already went through my hard drives and deleted all the pictures I don't want to leave behind. I will wipe my computer and my phone and leave instructions all my gaming setup to be donated to a kid in need. I also have some money saved which will go to the organisation that deals with raising funds and looking for a cure for my condition. I also plan on sending some small presents to the people that didn't fully leave me when I got sick.
What is left is the suicide note - I don't even know where to start from. My parents, cousin, brother, aunt, uncle, all relatives and people I thought were my friends just gaslighted me, undermined my struggles and mocked me. The only good thing was that my parents took care of me when I became disabled so I didn't end up homeless - but this all came with the price tag I mentioned above. So I really wonder if I should be leaving something for them behind. They will still talk the same shit for me when I am dead - that I was not a man enough, they will underestimate my conditions and they will tell people I was just crazy and was making this all up. Because this is what they think of me now and they made this very clear some time ago.
The truth is I did nothing wrong to anyone of them and I was ALWAYS helpful and gave them a helping hand when needed - and this is what I received in return - betrayal from the people I thought were there for me. This only proves my point people are simply animals - they will exclude the weak ones from the herd and only the strongest must survive. It is a fucking instinct I guess...
Anyways, currently I am really struggling what to write in the suicide note and I would like some inputs. I know this is personal but I am just so confused in the moment, because of all the things that happened during those last 2 years and how people changed their attitude towards me. If I was healthy enough - I would not even consider them that important anymore and just move away from them - not even come to visit them on holidays after how they treated me. So should I leave something behind, should I even bother? I don't really know, it is a messed up situation for sure...
