Ctb tonight

[SilviuSDJ]

I'm 21, and a few weeks ago I was another man. I posted threads before on this site, and a thread in Recovery at the beginning of this month. I was doing so well for the first time in a very long time, thinking that I finally beat my depression and suicidal thoughts, but now fast forward in the present, it all came back like a wave, and it hit really hard, to the point that I know I'll ctb tonight.

I do believe that a big part of it it's because of my situation with my ex, because I still love her so much. A friend called me yesterday saying that he saw her with another guy. Even if I knew she will eventually start to see somebody else because we broke up almost a month ago I think, for some reason this hit me like never before. Even when I tried to hang myself a few years ago I wasn't feeling this miserable. But don't think this is the only reason why I want to do it, I've been battling with my depression and suicidal thoughts for years, this was just the final "push" that I needed.

So I think tonight I'll ctb by hanging and hopefully I'll succeed this time, in the same spot like before, it's just waiting for me. I think I'll post another thread before I'll do it.

 

[FriendofDeath]

I'm sorry you're feeling so much distress. Think about how you were and how you could be in a few weeks. However, I can very much understand what it's like to live with major depression and suicidal thoughts. Take care! Sending light and love!

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry for your suffering. I wish you peace.

 

[SilviuSDJ]

I'm sorry you're feeling so much distress. Think about how you were and how you could be in a few weeks. However, I can very much understand what it's like to live with major depression and suicidal thoughts. Take care! Sending light and love!

Unfortunately thinking it will get better doesn't work in the long run, I really really tried to fight it for years, and for some periods of time It worked, I really was happy and escaped these thoughts, but it doesn't last forever, that's just how it is for me. Thanks for the good wishes, sending back the same!

I'm sorry for your suffering. I wish you peace.

Thank you, I wish the same for you!

 

[randomz]

I am sorry for your situation. I know how this will sound but please don't CTB because of your ex - it's not worth it. If she could start seeing other guys then you can start seeing other girls too. Have you searched for help with your depression and suicidal thoughts like therapy or even meds? Please don't rush into such a decision and think about exhausting your options to start enjoying life at least a little at first.

 

[SilviuSDJ]

I am sorry for your situation. I know how this will sound but please don't CTB because of your ex - it's not worth it. If she could start seeing other guys then you can start seeing other girls too. Have you searched for help with your depression and suicidal thoughts like therapy or even meds? Please don't rush into such a decision and think about exhausting your options to start enjoying life at least a little at first.

It's not only because of my ex. As I said these thoughts were in the back of my mind, and I tried to ctb even before I met her. She indeed was my escape from all the pain for a while. I don't want to fight anymore, and thinking about the future where I'll have so many problems to face it just isn't worth it for me. My break-up with her was the final push I needed.

 

[randomz]

It's not only because of my ex. As I said these thoughts were in the back of my mind, and I tried to ctb even before I met her. She indeed was my escape from all the pain for a while. I don't want to fight anymore, and thinking about the future where I'll have so many problems to face it just isn't worth it for me. My break-up with her was the final push I needed.

You don't know for sure how many problems you are going to have in the future as well as how many good events will happen. Good events that are worth to live for. This includes finding another partner who to love.

 

[Sadkitty]

So young. I know you've felt pain for so long. I'm about twice your age and have battled this my whole life. I just hate to see people with so many opportunities in front of them to go so soon. You're not even done growing so to speak. Your brain hasn't even decided who you are yet. I don't want to tell anyone what to do. I just feel like your youth makes this even more tragic. I wish you'd reconsider.
I'm definitely not a pro-lifer, I plan to go soon myself. I hope this doesn't offend anyone.