CTB tonight

[schizoWolf]

i have nothing to say much, just to sum up my story childhood sexual abuse, seeing my mom cheat everyday till im 8y/o then lost the right hand ring finger in a motorcycle accident with a drunk driver, had to go through the surgery without anesthesia or morphine totally conscious (fucked up health care system of our country). After everything i had to go through my childhood I found a girl she loved me more than i could ever ask for or imagine. I found a meaning in life i found a home. We started living together at the age of 20. Then she left me bleeding inside. It was totally my fault never treated her like she deserved. Now after one year im totally devastated. I have nothing to live for not even a career, I sabotaged everything. I don't know if im a bad person or im just a person. But I can't fight anymore i want some peace now. I have sodium nitrite, but nothing to measure it. I'll try to take as much as i can. Also i have benzos prescribed but they dont work at all (my brain overrides medications, its because of some serious C-PTSD, once i took 10mg clonazepam and couldn't sleep for 14hours) so im not going for any antiemetics. Only SN and some weed. I just wish that I succeed.

Im kinda happy. I tried for like a year nothing changed. After i lost everything people still try to make me feel bad and like im the worst person. Life is too overwhelming for me. I don't want any happiness or any peace anymore and I refuse to feel any more agony.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Good luck! I hope you find peace!

 

[karakoltriste]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Perhaps you could have a ginger infusion if you don't have antiemetics.

Love and peace <3

 

[schizoWolf]

Hey, and please suggest me something to do so that i can make my last day enjoyable.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Perhaps you could have a ginger infusion if you don't have antiemetics.

Love and peace <3

Ahh ginger infusion please tell me how? I want to do that.

 

[darksouls]

good luck
hope everything goes well for you
and you find the peace you deserve

 

[karakoltriste]

Hey, and please suggest me something to do so that i can make my last day enjoyable.

Ahh ginger infusion please tell me how? I want to do that.

Do you have a comforting TV show or movie? Maybe you could watch one or go somewhere beautiful with nature.

Here's the recipe: https://cookieandkate.com/fresh-ginger-tea-recipe/

 

[schizoWolf]

yes I do have a comforting tv show. and thanks for the recipe.
I will let everyone know after I take SN.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[Romanticize]

The fact that you had a paradoxical reaction to high dose clonazepam (i had many of those too) doesn't mean you should drop antiemetics!!

AE are important for SN. If you have them, use them.
Are you going to post after you ingest SN?

Safe travels.

 

[schizoWolf]

Are you going to post after you ingest SN?

yes of course. I will say a goodbye to everyone in this thread.

 

[spero_meliora]

I'm so sorry life has been this cruel to you and brought you to this point - may you find the peace you seek.

 

[HumanoidMonster]

Wishing you the best and hoping you can find comfort even just in your final moments.

 

[gothbird]

You've carried more than most people could imagine.
May your body be still, your mind be quiet, and your name be remembered by someone with love.

See you in the stars!

 

[SmilingNoMore]

You are brave, I'm sorry for what you had to go through, and the unfairness. Wishing you all the best and sending love on your journey.

 

[Alexandra0]

I wish you to find the peace you long for

 

[schizoWolf]

Getting closer to the moment. Not gonna lie it's pretty scary tbh. But i have to do it, can't let myself feel anymore excruciating pain. Please tell me again how much time would SN take to knock me out?

 

[Traveller12724]

I am sorry my friend, it sounds like you've suffered a lot, I wish you the best of luck and safe travels on your journey!

 

[theboy]

Oh, I feel your pain my friend
I hope you find peace whatever you decide to do

 

[schizoWolf]

an hour and half to go.

 

[pleasexbexover]

an hour and half to go.

you're loved I want nothing but peace for you
I wish I would have found you sooner you sound a lot like me
be easy

 

[Risperdead-]

schizoWolf your soul will develop in peace and fulfillment
be loved

 

[deathbydesign]

I hope you find the peace you are seeking. Safe travels friend

 

[schizoWolf]

I wish everyone happiness and fulfillment in life.
I'm done making the solution.
DONE!!!!!! hope I die quick.

 

[karakoltriste]

Wish you the best