cait_sith
Brain rotted, often missing word
- Apr 8, 2024
- 152
This is the follow up to this thread https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...of-my-retarded-stupidity.178351/#post-2668467 if you are interested how I made myself not seek treatment for 5 days despite having strong symptoms of eye infection (kreatitis) after I misinterpreted my doctors words and behaviour. This last thread was mainly of the effect of becoming blind on the affected eye and the likelihood of it staying this way, but after 3 weeks of treatment in the eye-clinic my ability to see has become of minor concern as the pain and the torture of the treatment of said infection of the cornea, very likely fungal, is the last straw for me. Since three weeks I have to get eye drops multiple times an hour, in the first weeks even during night. since 10 days they started scraping parts of eye off to make the drops reach better which is very painful, the eye always tears. Every night I get horrible headaches radiating from the eye. Why did I have to get a decease based on repetitious painful intervention, after 3 weeks of this i am at my limit, there was improvement, but suddenly the improvement was gone, I cannot take this treatment anymore, especially considering that I did this to myself. There is no way my cornea won't be completely scarred if the infection ever heals. Many might say that 3 weeks is too early but I haven't been a fan of life before and it's really horrible how life seems to want prove all my fears right , the victory against this disease is not that attractive to me as I know I will be even more of a mess than I was before, scarred of getting ill again etc. I had everything given to me by luck and I have destroyed myself because I'm dumb. I know already it willneber be ok because this always happened with medical things in my family. I will hang myself tomorrow when I get to go home for 2 hours, I will hang myself from the door full suspension. I don't think I will have time and energy to make a thread tomorrow so I do one now. Bye, I really liked this forum, thank you.
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