Help Ctb timeline ticking, hoping to relate to someone I guess

[LilBird]

I am on a timeline before my ctb. I have lost my profession almost a year ago now and I am about to lose my home insurance money all that, time is ticking now. It's stressing me out… I have my plan in place and just am not fully mentally prepared for the three possible outcomes:
A failed attempt with no medical consequences
A failed attempt with consequences
A successful attempt
I've attempted before ended up in the hospital got lucky and hated myself after tried to rebuild my life then lost it all I'm at the end of my line doing it alone sounds terrifying but asking for a partner takes so much trust and the amount of people I've seen back out (nothing wrong with that!!!) makes me think the possibility of two people going through with it in the same night might be quite rare.
Also, I am probably going to ctb in a hotel but that is the most likely way I won't be found for the longest time. The thought of not being in my own bed instead is a bit uncomfortable but I stay in hotels a lot so I guess it's ok.

Is anyone else on a timeline? Has anyone tried to search out a partner before? Can anyone relate to this /:

 

[Crazy4u]

good thread. I have never considered a partner because I can't trust anyone. I'm trying to ctb by end of Feb/Beg of Mar. My circumstances improved this year but I expect them to get worse in the next few months. Unfortunately, I'm not mentally prepared for failure. I have to ctb outdoors and I feel uneasy about it. I DON'T want to be caught or found.

I'm ok with ctb and I don't feel like I have a strong SI. When I think about it, I feel like: really? life is over? that's it? there are a few seconds of temporary recovery. Temp recovery = recovery for a few months/years until life gets much worse. Overall I ignore the recovery thoughts because life won't improve. There is no hope. The thought of facing more problems and bad news and not receiving a series of good news scares me to death.

 

[Treeline589]

I've thought about finding a partner before. On one hand I can see the benefits of it.

 

[Silenos]

Is anyone else on a timeline? Has anyone tried to search out a partner before? Can anyone relate to this /:

I am on a timeline. Got something in mind later this year.

I haven't actively searched for a partner before, but did consider partnering with one of my former best friends for a while. I might still try to find a partner as I get closer to the date, but I definitely don't consider it a necessity and will be fine without. In my opinion it seems hard to be sure of someone else's will and intentions unless you're pretty good friends at the least.

 

[FinalPeace]

good thread. I have never considered a partner because I can't trust anyone. I'm trying to ctb by end of Feb/Beg of Mar. My circumstances improved this year but I expect it to get worse in the next few months. Unfortunately, I'm not mentally prepared for failure. I have to ctb outdoors and I feel uneasy about it. I DON'T want to be caught or found.

How far are you planning to travel from your home to make sure you are not found? Are you going to do anything specific like alter your fingerprints etc.? I like the idea of never being found and rotting away somewhere. I wanted to pick your brain since you may have thought deeply about how to go about this.

 

[LilBird]

How far are you planning to travel from your home to make sure you are not found? Are you going to do anything specific like alter your fingerprints etc.? I like the idea of never being found and rotting away somewhere. I wanted to pick your brain since you may have thought deeply about how to go about this.

i plan to go to a city I'm kinda used to/kinda hate about 2 hrs from normal home I guess. I'm just going to ask for no one to check on me which is normal I do it all the time. I will be doing it in a hotel I've stayed in before so I am more comfortable at least I might stay for a few nights get comfy post on SS get advice support whatever drink my sn at night with no one bothering me having at least 8 hrs even though the longest should be 4hrs w sn. Afterwards, if I succeeded that's not my problem anymore.

 

[lostautist]

I can relate to some of what you've said. I have never tried. I don't want to but I may have no choice. I am prepared now but have no desire or date. If it needs to happen it will. The thought of trying to find a partner is scary and makes it seem more inevitable. I think I'm too spectrum for anyone to want to understand or be close with. I've tried.

 

[Crazy4u]

How far are you planning to travel from your home to make sure you are not found? Are you going to do anything specific like alter your fingerprints etc.? I like the idea of never being found and rotting away somewhere. I wanted to pick your brain since you may have thought deeply about how to go about this.

Oh I thought a lot about it. I'm not sure if you will drive or walk. IF you feel comfortable walking a long distance you can check out state or national parks or highways between 2 states. There are "lonely" roads!

Pros & cons of parks:

Pros: you CAN get lost. It shouldn't be so hard.
Cons: there are range officers who are trained and aware of suicide attempts in parks. IF you walk alone, someone may reach out to you.

Pros & cons of highway between 2 states:

Pros: there shouldn't be many people.
Cons: you will definitely look suspicious.


If you feel comfortable driving, I suggest you drive to a middle of nowhere location for at least 2 hours. My perfect ctb location is about 1 hour away from my apartment.

Pros: smooth drive, good place, good road (I have fear of driving), I won't be suspicious (think camping areas and similar places)
Cons: there is a hospital 15 minutes away

I won't alter my fingerprints. I will have my purse and ID with me in the car. I thought about going 100% missing but I don't want to be in the news :) I think it is better for everyone if I get found within 2-3 days. I'm no longer ashamed of death by suicide

 

[FinalPeace]

I'm no longer ashamed of death by suicide

That must feel really good. I don't want to be in the news either. But I can't mentally escape the shame that society imposes upon those who complete suicide.

I know people will say what people think is none of your business but since I have literally nothing else in life, a private death would be a gift. Since almost none of my life wishes were ever granted, except at most 3 many years ago, a dignified death without the burden of a tarnished reputation is the only wish in the world I hope to be granted.

 

[LilBird]

Oh I thought a lot about it. I'm not sure if you will drive or walk. IF you feel comfortable walking a long distance you can check out state or national parks or highways between 2 states. There are "lonely" roads!

Pros & cons of parks:

Pros: you CAN get lost. It shouldn't be so hard.
Cons: there are range officers who are trained and aware of suicide attempts in parks. IF you walk alone, someone may reach out to you.

Pros & cons of highway between 2 states:

Pros: there shouldn't be many people.
Cons: you will definitely look suspicious.


If you feel comfortable driving, I suggest you drive to a middle of nowhere location for at least 2 hours. My perfect ctb location is about 1 hour away from my apartment.

Pros: smooth drive, good place, good road (I have fear of driving), I won't be suspicious (think camping areas and similar places)
Cons: there is a hospital 15 minutes away

I won't alter my fingerprints. I will have my purse and ID with me in the car. I thought about going 100% missing but I don't want to be in the news :) I think it is better for everyone if I get found within 2-3 days. I'm no longer ashamed of death by suicide

Thank you for this post the details are super helpful to help to through this tough mental process

 

[allesistgut]

my timeline right now is the end of this year/beginning of next year, though it could always be sooner. i've been struggling to decide on the method i will ultimately choose (mainly trying to decide between hanging or jumping) which will also effect when i ctb as for jumping i'd need to travel further and there would be more preparation involved.

i've considered looking for a partner (more so if my method would be jumping) but it would definitely be hard to find someone i feel comfortable enough with. and while in someways a partner sounds nice, i think i'd also like to just be able to enjoy some music and peace before i go.

 

[completely-done]

My timeline is February. Can't say the exact date in case I'm being watched. It's a liberating experience how close the date is

 

[_Minsk]

Most likely the next months, im sorry life dealt you those cards