Braindead Atheist
Specialist
- Oct 7, 2020
- 387
I got my SN today and I plan on using it next time things screw up. Life is endless disappointment and I'm really tired of the situation I'm in. I feel a bit guilty that I'm going to do this because I know it will hurt my parents, but at the same time I tried everything to succeed and only get bullied and fired at jobs. I know it's going to happen again. I feel sad that this is what it's come to, but I also gave things plenty of time to work out and I worked my ass off in everything and all I ever got was disappointed. The universe has made it clear to me that success is just for other people, and I'm made to sit back and watch. I'm like a little child and everyone else my age is graduating college, making big money, traveling, getting married and having kids. My jesus freak parents think some higher power has a fucking plan for me. I strongly disagree. I've prayed all my life and tried to explain my situation deeply and never got a response or healing. I stopped believing in god a few years ago and I know when I de there will be no pearly gates regardless of if I'm right or not. I hate life, but I'm so scared to die because it ends in oblivion. I know there's nothing here for me but disappointments and abuse, but I'm so scared of it being over. I've written my ctb letters and have them in google docs, I know a lot of people cared for me, but no one could give me what I needed to be successful and not get abused and fired at every fucking job I took. I really wish the paradise in the sky was real, but reality could never be that good. If I'm wrong about there not being a higher power, I really hope he/she/they will actually take my concerns seriously.
