CTB This Weekend (SN)

[InTheAirTonight]

Hello all,

It wasn't easy to make this decision but I feel I'm ready this time. Just got all my meds together for the SN method as pictured below.

I'm 23M living in Canada. I just want to say my life was fine in a few aspects (have a degree, job, ok health, etc). And I'm very grateful for that since not everyone is as fortunate.

Emotionally and socially, I'm a dead person. Didn't feel like I was loved much as a child and always treated like trash by my family. Verbal and physical abuse, emotional neglect during my formative years, etc. I feel no love for them. I'm also hypersensitive to things like criticism and racism, and have an avoidant personality. I've been suicidal for several years and now have the means to do it.

I am not capable of living like a normal human being. Human life just repulses me (falling in love, getting married, reproducing, raising children, working for decades, etc). It's all so strange and outrageous to me and I don't see the point of struggling for that.

The only help I've gotten was when I visited a physician in february for anxiety meds and ended up crying my eyes out unexpectedly (she gave me sertraline which I think made me more suicidal). Other than that no one knows about my struggles.

I'm going to CTB with SN sometime this weekend (likely tomorrow at midnight). I just need to finalize the method.


Pictured: SN, Propranolol, Metoclopramide, Zopiclone. I also have ibuprofen and antacid which aren't pictured. I don't plan on using them all though.

I hope I will follow through. This is so hard. Thank you all.

 

[Serenity]

In the short time I have known you, you have been nothing but kind and empathetic towards me. I truly wish you the very best, and I hope you find the peace you deserve. You will be missed.

 

[Busdriver]

Bro, you can't be serious!
Your username made me a instant fan of you! I was obsessed by that song when I became a member. Listened to it a 100 times around that time. It such a great CTB song and you probably agree, hence the username.

I am sorry your life turned out like this. A bad childhood is devastating for mental development and will manifest in each and every way in the adult years.

Human life also disgusts me, because i am too depressed and stuff which make simple goals hard to achieve.

You are still pretty young. Maybe the DeBreather or N might be an idea?

I will miss you if you decide to go and wish you a peaceful transition

 

[MotherOfCats]

I'm really sorry this world has been so harsh to you. You seem pretty set on doing the SN, so I hope it goes well for you. If you need anything at all, I'll be here

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Sorry life is that hard on you... Ill burn my little candle when it's time for you to go...

 

[jgm63]

If you decide to proceed, then I wish you a safe onward journey to a place of grace and beauty.....

 

[Quarky00]

Looks like a good plan , everything well organized etc ... Sad to see you leave . Too many people here have been abused and ruined by their families . And too many here cannot find their place in our awful new modern world . So many feel like everyone around them are zombies, living empty lives. And some feel huge emptiness themselves. Shame this world is like that.

If you cried , if you are caring , I guess you're not a robot ... I understand the pain & despair

Please feel free to share more of how you feel (I know it's not much and mostly painful) or what you're going through -- in general , personally , and during your last days / hours . People like you . People care . People are here to listen and support you in your last journey Try to make your last days enjoyable and comfortable . You owe nothing to no one , but to yourself ..

 

[Donk]

from one canuck to another i wish you a peaceful exit. sorry it has come to this. we are here to support you till your final moments.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry your life has been bad for you. I wish you peace.

 

[Brackenshire]

I wish for you a peaceful heart for this decision and a easy journey.. if you decide to stay will be supported and understood

 

[GoneGoneGone]

My parents have the same type of keyboard
I wish you a peaceful journey, you will be missed, and in case you decide to stay longer with us, we will await for you

 

[LMLN]

I'm so sorry you have come to this decision. We will miss you. If you do change your mind, we are here and would be happy to have you here.

 

[mpnf]

Wish you love and peace on the other side.

 

[Pryras]

I respect your decision and I'm not here to trivialize or invalidate your pain. It's very REAL and VALID and I want you to know that I can empathize with you.

The world can be very cruel to hypersensitive people like yourself and I. it's not easy to be passive or accept the way people treat you. Sometimes, you feel that bc of who you are at heart that getting hurt and feeling pain is unavoidable. It SUCKS and no one can truly understand what you're feeling bc they don't understand the gravity it has on your mental health.

If you need to talk, please pm me. I'm free and here. Staying with us can be a painful choice but when I'm feeling my worst I pause and give myself some time. The bus lines are always running so if I'm certain I want to CTB then I can wait it out, give it a day or two. Sometimes I feel better, sometimes nothing, but I definitely don't feel as awful as I would've been in the moment. The option to CTB is always there.

 

[DJ2000]

Hello all,

It wasn't easy to make this decision but I feel I'm ready this time. Just got all my meds together for the SN method as pictured below.

I'm 23M living in Canada. I just want to say my life was fine in a few aspects (have a degree, job, ok health, etc). And I'm very grateful for that since not everyone is as fortunate.

Emotionally and socially, I'm a dead person. Didn't feel like I was loved much as a child and always treated like trash by my family. Verbal and physical abuse, emotional neglect during my formative years, etc. I feel no love for them. I'm also hypersensitive to things like criticism and racism, and have an avoidant personality. I've been suicidal for several years and now have the means to do it.

I am not capable of living like a normal human being. Human life just repulses me (falling in love, getting married, reproducing, raising children, working for decades, etc). It's all so strange and outrageous to me and I don't see the point of struggling for that.

The only help I've gotten was when I visited a physician in february for anxiety meds and ended up crying my eyes out unexpectedly (she gave me sertraline which I think made me more suicidal). Other than that no one knows about my struggles.

I'm going to CTB with SN sometime this weekend (likely tomorrow at midnight). I just need to finalize the method.

View attachment 32766
Pictured: SN, Propranolol, Metoclopramide, Zopiclone. I also have ibuprofen and antacid which aren't pictured. I don't plan on using them all though.

I hope I will follow through. This is so hard. Thank you all.

From what I can tell that stuff is really nauseating which for me is worse than physical pain. I wouldn't do it, and I'd recommend to OD on opioid or benzodiazepines if you can get them, but it's your choice.

 

[Vault of Memories]

Wow, it'll be heard to see you go. Not that we know each other too well, but I've seen you around here ever since I joined. I think of that infamous drum solo every time I see your username. I'm sorry you've endured so much pain that it has come to this. I hope you find peace my friend.

 

[Emily123]

i was thinking that i was reading my mind when I was reading your topic . i am also a victim of racist and discrimination . i never had a normal life because I don't belong to this world. i wished ,i had a courage to do it

 

[muffin222]

I'm so sorry it's come down to this :(
I wish you peace with whatever you decide to do

 

[PeachBlossoms2310]

I wish you a peaceful exit.

 

[Rockman]

Wish you best. Do you try therapy?

 

[InTheAirTonight]

Sorry guys I can't do it. I'm too afraid. The meto made me nauseous last night and didn't feel too good. I still want to CTB but I need to think about it more. I feel like shit. This is so incredibly harder than it seems, respect everyone who managed to do it. Maybe I should do it spontaneously without any meds. And do it somewhere not at home. A forest or meadow sounds nice.

 

[LMLN]

It's ok! Don't be sorry. I'm glad you are staying, and am sorry you feel like shit. Please rest and get some sleep.

 

[Brackenshire]

I'm glad your staying...there will be no doubt when it's time..eat and get some sleep

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Relax, rest! You must be physically and mentally exhausted. And there's nothing you need to apologize for. Take your time and rest xx

 

[Emily123]

Sorry guys I can't do it. I'm too afraid. The meto made me nauseous and didn't feel too good. I still want to CTB but I need to think about it more. I feel like shit. Maybe I should do it spontaneously without any meds.

No . it may be an oppurtunity to think more about your decision . it is not really an easy one .

 

[Quarky00]

How do you feel right now?

You wrote you were afraid and that's fine. It happens. Take your time and decompress from that experience, as others mentioned. Sorry you feel like shit. Let us know how you're doing.

* Meto can sometimes make people feel 'weird' and perhaps that's what you're experiencing. This usually passes as tolerance develops. Should test ½ pill and 8h later another.

 

[Blutsager]

Hello friend,

Beyond if you go or stay, lemme congratulate you for how your effort put on making your method work out, you got all the meds, you did a great job on prepping up, good for you!.

Do you wanna talk? It's a shame I can't use this server's chat but if you would prefer to chat via Discord or other platform it would be a pleasure. I mean, if you decide to end it all, I even would offer you to voice chat you while we wait for the SN to kick in!. Lemme know what you wanna do.

 

[Serenity]

I'm glad you're taking some time to really consider your decision and not rush into things. Better to be completely confident in your choice and have everything completely planned than do something spontaneously and then potentially regret your choices later. Try to get some rest and you can return to this later, there is absolutely no rush to CTB. Take care, I'm happy you're sticking around.

 

[felix]

Would my olanzipine replace the meto three times a day with this method?

 

[Busdriver]

I am glad you are still here. CTB is the heaviest, most tough action to perform. Anxiety can take you over completely when the moment for CTB is there.

I hope you can develop some tolerance so your body accepts meto.
Take some rest.. and you can always CTB again later. You have already experienced this, so you are one step closer to a successful CTB :)