CTB New Year’s Eve (My letter & plan)

[doxyquill]

Hello all on SaSu,

I joined this forum after being admitted to a phsyc ward from a failed attempt. Since then I've read countless posts from all of you great people and put together my plan after acquiring all I need. I chose SN as in the place I am in it is what I want, the drift off to sleep sounds comforting and I will do it in my van miles away from a town or city without my phone to make sure it is successful. I will send delayed emails to a friend telling them of my location and to send the police to retrieve my body as I'm already gone. Some guilt does come with this but it's the softest blow I can think of to limit the hurt my passing will cause. I have my plan and my means are so close to all being gathered. Just waiting on my sn from IC to arrive.

I just wanted to say to everyone here I did find some warmth in this community and I thank you all for that. Although the pro lifers say we perpetuate each others suicidality (so easy for them to say when they've never felt like us before), I see it as comfort in a dark hole before the inevitable as opposed to pointless "treatment" for the untreatable illness that is a broken soul from loss, regret and mistakes. As well as a struggle with your own personality making your experience in this world unbearable. For many of you your struggles are chronic physical illness and pain. I truly empathise with that as someone who suffers chronic emotional pain and I wish you peace with whatever you decide to do.

The pain of existence and experience has outweighed my willingness to live. I will update whatever I can from my sn experience from my laptop when the time comes to help anyone else who wishes to follow the same way out of here.

Peace is coming & love to you all
Dox X

 

[MideonNViscera]

Hey Doxy,

I think I speak for everyone when I say it's nice to hear we provided some comfort during a time where that may have otherwise been impossible.

Everyone would also surely appreciate your updates when the time comes. That is some of the highest value content on this entire site from what I have seen.

Sounds like you've got a few days left, so don't feel like you have to vanish after this post.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wishing to leave this horrific world are understandable, it's tragic how all this endless pain continues to exist here and how we have the ability to endlessly suffer. At least the way that I see it, I can imagine that it must be a relief being so close to having everything that you need to ctb. I hope that when the time is right for you to leave, you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[doxyquill]

Hey Doxy,

I think I speak for everyone when I say it's nice to hear we provided some comfort during a time where that may have otherwise been impossible.

Everyone would also surely appreciate your updates when the time comes. That is some of the highest value content on this entire site from what I have seen.

Sounds like you've got a few days left, so don't feel like you have to vanish after this post.

Hey,

My plan is to update everyone as much as I possibly can on the whole thing until I am gone. That will be the last thing I can leave for everyone here who has been so kind and helpful

 

[dopaminedeath]

Your post is very relatable. I'm glad your preparation is coming together. May it all work out as you hope