Venting CTB is lonely

[timetodie24]

Think I've decided date and plan. Obviously can't tell anyone around me. My MH worker is aware I'm still suicidal as that's nothing new but downplayed the thoughts so they think it's just fleeting ideation. I was excited and relieved at first but as it's getting closer it's pretty lonely and overwhelming carrying this on my own. I know it's what I want but I also wish I could talk to people about how awful it feels without them stopping my plan. But obviously that can't happen in this society.

I don't think my sadness at the prospect is doubts maybe just SI. So need to ignore it. when previous attempts failed I regretted it everyday since so I know I'm making the right choice. Just wish I could enjoy my final days I guess. But if it was that easy to enjoy life then I probably wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

 

[FuneralCry]

The fact that suicide is so stigmatised only ever leads to more suffering. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[Victim.Of.Life]

I understand how you're feeling.
In 6 days I have the house to myself for a week.
I've told myself for over a month that then will be the time to ctb.
It's getting closer and it's a weird feeling.

 

[Crono]

Maybe you can find a virtual partner here at Sasu to keep you company during the ctb. It's something as simple as chatting during the final moments, but it helps a lot.

 

[Unknown21]

God, I feel like you are talking about me, I am in the same situation but unfortunately I am unable to express my feelings in the wonderful way that you have due to autism.

I wish you the best and know that you are not alone.

 

[timetodie24]

I understand how you're feeling.
In 6 days I have the house to myself for a week.
I've told myself for over a month that then will be the time to ctb.
It's getting closer and it's a weird feeling.

I think it'll be in a few days if I can but i'm here to chat until then. Yeah it's a hard feeling to describe.

God, I feel like you are talking about me, I am in the same situation but unfortunately I am unable to express my feelings in the wonderful way that you have due to autism.

I wish you the best and know that you are not alone.

I'm autistic too and I get that, i was worried what I wrote hadn't made sense tbh. But verbally I can barely express my feelings at all.

Thanks. Always here to chat until the day.

 

[Worndown]

You express well here. Your written explanation should be good.

 

[TimetoGo!]

I understand how you're feeling.
In 6 days I have the house to myself for a week.
I've told myself for over a month that then will be the time to ctb.
It's getting closer and it's a weird feeling.

whats your method?

 

[SVEN]

It is a lonely and final step into the unknown. Whilst no online group can ever come anywhere near human companionship, so many of us know that this group is as close as we may ever come to open conversation with people do do understand; as distinct from those who just imagine they do. We are a poor substitute for a friend, but at least you know we share your desire for rest and yet have apprehensions about achieving that which we desire.

 

[Victim.Of.Life]

whats your method?

Full suspension hanging.

I think it'll be in a few days if I can but i'm here to chat until then. Yeah it's a hard feeling to describe.

Same. I get a little anxious talking to people in private chatrooms (idk why, it has been like that my whole life) but i'm fairly active on here and I like to chat from time to time.

 

[The anhedonic one]

When you have made that decision to finally go ahead with CTB, then it is crucial to put on a mask of normality and keep all talk of suicide to yourself.
The final days before CTB are obviously going to be lonely, yet this is for the best because you need to avoid people as much as possible and keep your mind focused on your final day.
It's also best to view CTB as a logical decision versus an emotional one. Viewing things with cold hard logic is the way to go.
There's plenty of good people here to be virtual friends for you.
I'm always here if you need to talk.
I wish you peace in whatever you decide to do.

 

[timetodie24]

When you have made that decision to finally go ahead with CTB, then it is crucial to put on a mask of normality and keep all talk of suicide to yourself.
The final days before CTB are obviously going to be lonely, yet this is for the best because you need to avoid people as much as possible and keep your mind focused on your final day.
It's also best to view CTB as a logical decision versus an emotional one. Viewing things with cold hard logic is the way to go.
There's plenty of good people here to be virtual friends for you.
I'm always here if you need to talk.
I wish you peace in whatever you decide to do.

Yeah, I live with my parents (I am an adult but finances mean I can't move out) but I think I'm pretty good at putting on a mask so they shouldn't be an issue. I'm not doing it at home so they won't be the ones to find me when it's done or be there to stop me. I've been acting as normal as possible, still going out places, still attending appointments but obviously lying in them as not attending would raise suspicion.

Yeah that's a good way to look at it. The evidence shows that it's the best decision for me, I've never give any decision as much time and thought as I have this one. which I think not many people, expect here, understand as they see it as impulsive and irrational. And I know I'm not trying to 'escape' a temporary situation or feeling. I just know life isn't for me at all for various reasons and it's not something I want. Death is inevitable for anyone and can happen anytime so I don't see why it's so incomprehensible that I'd prefer to choose my own demise.

thanks I appreciate it

 

[The anhedonic one]

Yeah, I live with my parents (I am an adult but finances mean I can't move out) but I think I'm pretty good at putting on a mask so they shouldn't be an issue. I'm not doing it at home so they won't be the ones to find me when it's done or be there to stop me. I've been acting as normal as possible, still going out places, still attending appointments but obviously lying in them as not attending would raise suspicion.

Yeah that's a good way to look at it. The evidence shows that it's the best decision for me, I've never give any decision as much time and thought as I have this one. which I think not many people, expect here, understand as they see it as impulsive and irrational. And I know I'm not trying to 'escape' a temporary situation or feeling. I just know life isn't for me at all for various reasons and it's not something I want. Death is inevitable for anyone and can happen anytime so I don't see why it's so incomprehensible that I'd prefer to choose my own demise.

thanks I appreciate it

I love your mindset on this.
You are obviously ready to go just like me. I wish you a successful exit when the time comes.

 

[90starve]

Think I've decided date and plan. Obviously can't tell anyone around me. My MH worker is aware I'm still suicidal as that's nothing new but downplayed the thoughts so they think it's just fleeting ideation. I was excited and relieved at first but as it's getting closer it's pretty lonely and overwhelming carrying this on my own. I know it's what I want but I also wish I could talk to people about how awful it feels without them stopping my plan. But obviously that can't happen in this society.

I don't think my sadness at the prospect is doubts maybe just SI. So need to ignore it. when previous attempts failed I regretted it everyday since so I know I'm making the right choice. Just wish I could enjoy my final days I guess. But if it was that easy to enjoy life then I probably wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

i get how you're feeling - i've been so isolated and anxious since deciding my date and plan. hoping that you can defeat your SI and find peace when the day comes <3