ctb dream

[hhh_]

i had a dream last night where i was feeling really depressed and my bf told me that if really wanted to ctb then i should just do it and there was a noose and chair ready for me and all i had to do was put my head into it, and even though ive felt suicidal for a lot of my life i kept hesitating and stalling and i even started to cry. i dont think i really even want to die, i just want to feel better, and even though i know my boyfriend would never do this to me ever i feel like my mind is signalling to me that i really am just a huge burden to him. i felt so terrible waking up from that it almost feels like a sign that im just too much for him and at the same time i think it shows im really not ready to die yet.

 

[IDoNotExist]

The fact that your bf is still by your side means that he values and loves you. If he thought you were a burden to him then he would've left ages ago. He loves you so obviously he doesn't think you are a burden. I bet he would always be happy to help you through your depressive episodes.

(I'm sorry if this seems mean. I don't intend to sound mean.)