Ctb comfort.

[Darkbrett]

I feel warm and fuzzy when I think about the day I go.
It's real comforting.
I live trying to be the best person I can be.
While battling mental illness.
I try to stay as long as I can.
Before my mind cracks entirely.

I am so thankful I can confess here safely.
It's exactly what I have needed.

 

[LMLN]

I understand. When the emotional pain is so bad it dies feel comforting that there is an end if I need it. I'm trying to stay as long as I can as well. It's not easy.

 

[Ame]

I'm glad that you've found some comfort in this place and seem to feel safe enough to express yourself a little more freely than you would outside. Please feel free to continue using this space as you need.

"Feeling warm and fuzzy" is an apt description...at least that is how I feel whenever I make progress toward CTB. It seems so strange because it flies in the face of our biological imperative but it is what it is.

 

[BlueWidow]

I agree. It's such a relief that I can talk about being suicidal here and no one jumps on me and I don't feel the fear of being forced into the psych ward against my will or forced to take meds that won't do anything to make me feel better, but will have horrible side effects. . . Or any of the other things that of happened to me in the past when I expressed my suicidal ideas to the outside world.

 

[Darkbrett]

I agree. It's such a relief that I can talk about being suicidal here and no one jumps on me and I don't feel the fear of being forced into the psych ward against my will or forced to take meds that won't do anything to make me feel better, but will have horrible side effects. . . Or any of the other things that of happened to me in the past when I expressed my suicidal ideas to the outside world.

It's a bad feeling. I'm open about everything in my life to everyone. Except suicide. That has to be my secret. Last year I was in a facility for suicide watch. And it did more damage to me then good. Now I am paranoid and afraid of hospitals and all the meds. It took away the only parts of myself I actually liked.

 

[BlueWidow]

It's a bad feeling. I'm open about everything in my life to everyone. Except suicide. That has to be my secret. Last year I was in a facility for suicide watch. And it did more damage to me then good. Now I am paranoid and afraid of hospitals and all the meds. It took away the only parts of myself I actually liked.

Yes, I can relate to that completely. As a teenager, I was shuffled in and out of psych wards for years. I was a ward of the state and had no rights or representation of my own because I was a minor. Nobody cared what I wanted or what I thought about anything. I was placed in the hospital when I didn't need to be there, and I was let out with full bottles of pills while stating as I walked out the door that I would be swallowing every single one of them. I didn't realize at the time that they wanted me to swallow the pills so they would have an excuse to put me back in the hospital and continue collecting insurance money.
I was just being used for the insurance money. I was not a human being to these people, I was just a thing they could use to collect more insurance money. And because I was a ward of the state and a minor, they got away with all of it because it was perfectly legal to treat me any way they wanted to. I was a ward of the state and, therefore, their property. I was forced to take drugs that I have no doubt altered my young brain in ways that I'm probably still dealing with now. I'll never know the extent of the damage that they did to me. I'll never know how much of the current health problems I have were started by them force-feeding me psych meds when I was a teenager and my brain was still developing.

 

[56709]

I relate to this. It feels comforting to feel that I can cut the chord if I want to. In fact, knowing that I have a reliable method(SN) has made me more comfortable facing certain anxieties...