Venting Ctb because of loneliness or breakups

[lonelyhouse]

I keep reading posts from well-meaning people who say things like "you shouldn't ctb because you lost your significant other" or "there's a possibility that you won't always be lonely so you shouldn't ctb." And like... I get that these comments come from a good place. I'm not even mad at folks who say stuff like that. It's just... to me, it feels a little condescending to read those comments. For me, I've suffered through drug addictions, hospitalizations, abusive relationships with family, being ostracized in my community because of what I look like or who I'm friends with, and I gotta say that losing my last ex was the absolute last straw in my decision to ctb. Maybe it's that way for some of these other folks too. Maybe it isn't.

I guess what I'm saying is this: nobody should feel like their reason for ctb isn't good enough or that something better will come along that will change their minds.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I needed to hear that.

Your Ted Talk affected a change in me. I see the subject differently now.

Thank you for speaking up.


Proof that sometimes, someone to whom the message is directed actually hears and receives it. I needed to know that, too.

 

[Living sucks]

I agree and hear you. However I hate seeing someone determine their self worth because of another person.
but we're all human and need humans. Life can be absolute hell but finding love can turn that into a happy life. What I'm saying, when i make a comment like that, is don't do it impulsively because of a break up.. 2 years later you could find the perfect love?
If not and ctb is your choice, it's your choice.

 

[autumnal]

I keep reading posts from well-meaning people who say things like "you shouldn't ctb because you lost your significant other" or "there's a possibility that you won't always be lonely so you shouldn't ctb." And like... I get that these comments come from a good place. I'm not even mad at folks who say stuff like that. It's just... to me, it feels a little condescending to read those comments. For me, I've suffered through drug addictions, hospitalizations, abusive relationships with family, being ostracized in my community because of what I look like or who I'm friends with, and I gotta say that losing my last ex was the absolute last straw in my decision to ctb. Maybe it's that way for some of these other folks too. Maybe it isn't.

I guess what I'm saying is this: nobody should feel like their reason for ctb isn't good enough or that something better will come along that will change their minds.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

You speak from a place of wisdom, but I guess the important distinction in your case was that the relationship breakdown was the final straw in a series of major negative events for you. You weren't inexperienced with relationships, or with life, and you weren't overreacting to a breakup which had occurred in an otherwise happy existence. While everyone of adult age and mental capacity should be respected in their reasons for suicide, it does sometimes seem wasteful when we hear from members who are young adults in their first (often unhealthy) relationships and utterly convinced that their life will have no chance of happiness if that relationship ended. It's not that we think their ability to choose suicide is invalid. It's that we think their assessment of relationships is woefully inexperienced, and with a little more perspective, they wouldn't see the end of their particular relationship as being a requirement for suicide.

 

[woxihuanni]

I don't think any of that comes from a good place. You know, when anybody tells me that crap, I offer them a simple deal: You find me a new partner right now who exactly matches my criteria, and I won't kill myself. As if these things were about 'love', love is a giant pile of horseshit and not everybody who cannot take loneliness anymore is doe-eyed with stupid, idiotic, moronic ideas of love.

 

[SterileMoth]

I hate this too. I've vented about wanting to ctb and people immediately go "You wont be alone forever" "This will pass" as if I hadn't already been suicidal before my fiance left. That was just the last straw. Everyone always focuses on THAT though. It's like nothing else I say in regards of deciding to ctb even registers as soon as I mention the breakup. Suddenly I'm just being "over dramatic"

 

[Life sucks]

Loss hurts and depending on the person it could be enough reason to ctb. Also not only humans but any other thing. Losing someone or something fucks the brain and sometimes the damage is very big. I lost many people and things and it still hurts and the pain won't be gone. People shouldn't underestimate the pain of losing someone or something.

 

[mathieu]

I agree. I'm lonely and know I always will be alone because even if I like someone and they like me back I have commitment issues so I feel smothered and trapped and want to break up. All my relationships ended like that after a matter of months. I don't date now because I don't want to be in that situation again.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Loneliness is a huge part of my reason for wanting to die so I do understand. With that said, while I don't think there's any such thing as a bad reason to not like life, I do think that it can be helpful to try to throw a bit of perspective at people. A breakup can be very overwhelming and being reminded that it will all pass could make some people realise that it's not as much of a disaster as it seems. The feeling are all valid, but the comfort is what it is - just comforting words to help people through their own thoughts.

 

[Elbarado]

puh... its a tough question or case to tell people like you who feel this way and i dont know how to find the perfect words, because its your view of reality, feelings, thoughts and so on. Furthermore, i dont want to insult anybody.
I see everything from a different perspective, because of my healthcondition and im just 34 and loved life.
I also had self doubts, got rejected, broke up wih girlfriends, got cheated and stuff. And it hurts, but as stupid as it sounds, you have to deal with it.
I had to learn it too, in my opinion there are some major things to deal with it, or to think about:
1.) How can sb. else love you, etc, if you dont love and respect yourself, with all your mistakes, habbits...
2.) Be clear with who you are, and i dont mean it in the way, how you see yourself ( in depressed stages you will just say, im worthless, trash, bla bla bla), I mean what are your moral values, whats important for you, what are your good at, what would you like to do, what would make you happy.
You dont have to make your worth, feelings dependant on others. I know its easier said than done, but you have to make small steps.
I

 

[draw a circle]

I just got my heart broken and it hurts more than anything else but that's not what "makes" me want to ctb. I've been suicidal on and off for a few years and everything that I've been feeling just amplified the pain of heartbreak. I'm aware that I'm inexperienced in life, but there's a lot of things that makes me consider ending my life. It's not as simple as "I'm going to die because this person doesn't love me anymore." To me, it's just the tip of the iceberg.

I hate this too. I've vented about wanting to ctb and people immediately go "You wont be alone forever" "This will pass" as if I hadn't already been suicidal before my fiance left. That was just the last straw. Everyone always focuses on THAT though. It's like nothing else I say in regards of deciding to ctb even registers as soon as I mention the breakup. Suddenly I'm just being "over dramatic"

I kinda feel this tbh. Glad someone can put it in words. To be fair, I do think I could get better with therapy (maybe) and I would have to live this awful, painful life like everyone else, but I'm running out of time. Even the person I love couldn't make me feel alive anymore.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

And it hurts, but as stupid as it sounds, you have to deal with it.
I had to learn it too

I'm going to argue against your position.

I think the above assertion assumes that one has the capacity to deal with it. Just because you had the capacity to learn it doesn't mean that everyone does.

The comment reflects to me the pro-life stance of knowing what others need and are capable of. It is other-defining and simultaneously negating of them. As if to say, "I'll tell you what you're experiencing and what you need to do about it. And don't tell me it can't be done. I've done it."

Finally, I notice again the phrase "you have to deal with it." I note the OP's appeal that one reason to ctb is no more valid than another. There is nothing one has to deal with, whether by ability or by choice.




I notice overall on this thread from those who take opposition to the appeal from the OP a theme of it being a waste if one ctb's in response to a relationship ending. A waste for whom? Who owns the life being wasted? Who owns the decision about what to do with that life and when or why to end it?



What I see in such comments, as well as the one against which I specifically argued, are shades of Shawn Shatto's parents with regard to how they defined her and her issues and were trying to solve them for her, and get her to comply with their solutions.

And in the comments as well as Shawn's parents' actions, there are seemingly good intentions, so that anyone whose stance I criticize may think I am calling them "wrong." There is usually in such things, that is, these comments and Shawn's parents' actions, a sense of "rightness" that inspires the comments and actions -- and cognitive dissonance when one perceives that their actions were actually received as harmful. It takes strength to look at that rather than just keep going with what feels right and good, to hold back and reflect before continuing to do what one is convinced is for another's own good.

 

[woxihuanni]

I'm going to argue against your position.

I think the above assertion assumes that one has the capacity to deal with it. Just because you had the capacity to learn it doesn't mean that everyone does.

The comment reflects to me the pro-life stance of knowing what others need and are capable of. It is other-defining and simultaneously negating of them. As if to say, "I'll tell you what you're experiencing and what you need to do about it. And don't tell me it can't be done. I've done it."

Finally, I notice again the phrase "you have to deal with it." I note the OP's appeal that one reason to ctb is no more valid than another. There is nothing one has to deal with, whether by ability or by choice.




I notice overall on this thread from those who take opposition to the appeal from the OP a theme of it being a waste if one ctb's in response to a relationship ending. A waste for whom? Who owns the life being wasted? Who owns the decision about what to do with that life and when or why to end it?



What I see in such comments, as well as the one against which I specifically argued, are shades of Shawn Shatto's parents with regard to how they defined her and her issues and were trying to solve them for her, and get her to comply with their solutions.

And in the comments as well as Shawn's parents' actions, there are seemingly good intentions, so that anyone whose stance I criticize may think I am calling them "wrong." There is usually in such things, that is, these comments and Shawn's parents' actions, a sense of "rightness" that inspires the comments and actions -- and cognitive dissonance when one perceives that their actions were actually received as harmful. It takes strength to look at that rather than just keep going with what feels right and good, to hold back and reflect before continuing to do what one is convinced is for another's own good.

And is there anything worse than being humiliated and patronised and negated even on SS? We are all killing ourselves for good reasons, you are a filthy moronic pile of shit. For fuck's sake, there are threads here that keep popping up saying global warming is reason for suicide. Wake up everyone, loneliness IS a giant reason. But what would pampered people know about it, whose reasons turn around their internal world, whose family and friends are on alert everyday to keep them alive even if there is nothing they can offer? I have been bargaining for my life with the services I provide, not asking to be loved, just kept and kept alive. And the answer is no, the answer is everybody is bored because I am alive yet. Even somebody on SS got bored with me right after I was stopped from drinking SN a while back. Fuck all of this.

 

[Marine]

As a shameless romantic, my opinion is that it's one of the most valid reason to CTB.

Especially if your background hasn't given you any way to form a proper sense of self / worth / esteem and your basic need for love in general (which is a vital need, though often overlooked) is still unmet.

That is a very rational response, though it doesn't necessarily have to end this way.

People will be judgmental and insensitive about just anything unfortunately.
I think the sad people who spout that kind of BS have never known true love / don't know what they're talking about.

While it's also true that there should exist other people compatible with you, it's not necessarily easy to find them.

All suffering is legitimate, it's just about what you truly want to do and whether you can do it.

Sometimes it requires another person and it's not always possible to wait until you meet that person.
Sometimes the hope of that meeting is what keeps you alive though.

I would like to offer you hope but I'm also still looking for it and I know I need an exit method in case I run out of fuel before I find it.
I want to tell you that your feelings are valid though.

 

[Elbarado]

Everybody has its own reasons for thinking about CBT, but as for me, who suffers from a uncurable cruel disease, i get triggered, angry, and especially sad, when someone wants to end his life, because of a relationship and stuff. That doesnt mean, that i dont empathize with that person or i want to judge them and stuff...
It just makes me sad and i want the person to rethink everything and want to strengthen them,because i want them to overcome these cruel feelings and thoughts to hopefully get a better life.
I was born a fighter, although i had to learn it. I have never wanted somebody to succeed over me by their actions and never wanted to give the pleasant to give in.
But i know how it hurts.
I would love that everybody who has this emotional pain to overcome it and have faith in themselves.
I know time wont cure any emotional wounds, we are the one to deal with em by getting stronger, maybe getting wiser, growing more as the wonderful person we are.
A close friend tried to ctb back in the days, cause of rejections, feeled loneliness and stuff. She got saved. Luckily with no permanent damage. It was a long way, but now she developed into even greater person as she was before. She is satisfied with her life and happy that she was saved that day.

I would love to give everybody who wants to ctb my illness, then both sides can be happy. Sadly that wont work. For me i want to live so badly like it was 1,5 years ago without this suffering and it just makes me sad from the bottom of my heart when somebody wants to end his life although they are physically healthy and could possible change things and get happier.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Everybody has its own reasons for thinking about CBT, but as for me, who suffers from a uncurable cruel disease, i get triggered, angry, and especially sad, when someone wants to end his life, because of a relationship and stuff. That doesnt mean, that i dont empathize with that person or i want to judge them and stuff...
It just makes me sad and i want the person to rethink everything and want to strengthen them,because i want them to overcome these cruel feelings and thoughts to hopefully get a better life.
I was born a fighter, although i had to learn it. I have never wanted somebody to succeed over me by their actions and never wanted to give the pleasant to give in.
But i know how it hurts.
I would love that everybody who has this emotional pain to overcome it and have faith in themselves.
I know time wont cure any emotional wounds, we are the one to deal with em by getting stronger, maybe getting wiser, growing more as the wonderful person we are.
A close friend tried to ctb back in the days, cause of rejections, feeled loneliness and stuff. She got saved. Luckily with no permanent damage. It was a long way, but now she developed into even greater person as she was before. She is satisfied with her life and happy that she was saved that day.

I would love to give everybody who wants to ctb my illness, then both sides can be happy. Sadly that wont work. For me i want to live so badly like it was 1,5 years ago without this suffering and it just makes me sad from the bottom of my heart when somebody wants to end his life although they are physically healthy and could possible change things and get happier.

So your reason to ctb is valid. Just yours. Just incurable physical illness.

The rest of the comment is like a pro-life script. I got a contact high from it.

 

[woxihuanni]

So your reason to ctb is valid. Just yours. Just incurable physical illness.

The rest of the comment is like a pro-life script. I got a contact high from it.

Elbarado IS a pro-lifer. They were urging in capital letters for someone to 'rethink' as they were in the process of dying. That's not a you can changr your mind we are here message, that is bullying.

 

[Elbarado]

So your reason to ctb is valid. Just yours. Just incurable physical illness.

The rest of the comment is like a pro-life script. I got a contact high from it.

thats not what i ment and said. English is not my native language, maybe my expressions are not right or we are missunderstanding. Everyone has its own reasons and right to do what they want. I just would like to see the persons to get better instead of beeing dead and to change what they are suffering from.

Its a difference between "you dont have the right to do that" and " i would like you to get better and maybe sth helps".Thats my point of view for physical health as for social or mental health.

Theres nothing wrong in hoping or helping someone to getter better, rethink views and stuff. If thats ment to be pro-life, then yes I am.

It makes me sad when someone wants to end his life where there is maybe hope, help or something to get better. Many things can change and sometimes we are not able to even think of it or doing the first small steps to get things changings.

By all that i dont want to say that i cant understand the desperation or that someone problems are minor to others.

Elbarado IS a pro-lifer. They were urging in capital letters for someone to 'rethink' as they were in the process of dying. That's not a you can changr your mind we are here message, that is bullying.

where´s the difference between "overthink", "rethink" or " you can change your mind"? broken down it means all the same for me. Nothing to do with bullying.
At least for me

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@Elbarado, you keep stating you agree with the OPs premise, then explain how you patently disagree with it. Over and over. Then tell me I'm wrong that you disagreed, and continue to disagree.

What you do is spin. Maybe to convince yourself, maybe others.

The spin doesn't make me dizzy.

Take care.

 

[andy69]

I keep reading posts from well-meaning people who say things like "you shouldn't ctb because you lost your significant other" or "there's a possibility that you won't always be lonely so you shouldn't ctb." And like... I get that these comments come from a good place. I'm not even mad at folks who say stuff like that. It's just... to me, it feels a little condescending to read those comments. For me, I've suffered through drug addictions, hospitalizations, abusive relationships with family, being ostracized in my community because of what I look like or who I'm friends with, and I gotta say that losing my last ex was the absolute last straw in my decision to ctb. Maybe it's that way for some of these other folks too. Maybe it isn't.

I guess what I'm saying is this: nobody should feel like their reason for ctb isn't good enough or that something better will come along that will change their minds.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

Thank you. My parent left me aburptly last year. We were together for sixteen years, and then only day stopped calling. He ghosted me for two weeks before he admitted he met someone else. I gave up so much for him and all I got was an angry phone call. I will never get over it.

 

[woxihuanni]

where´s the difference between "overthink", "rethink" or " you can change your mind"? broken down it means all the same for me. Nothing to do with bullying.
At least for me

Yup, there is no difference in yelling in capital letters to someone who is dying because they were too much of a moron to rethink if a complete stranger didn't order them to do it. That is my only and last reply to you, right you go on ignore list.

 

[Elbarado]

@Elbarado, you keep stating you agree with the OPs premise, then explain how you patently disagree with it. Over and over. Then tell me I'm wrong that you disagreed, and continue to disagree.

What you do is spin. Maybe to convince yourself, maybe others.

The spin doesn't make me dizzy.

Take care.

nah... i dont know how to express it better. Maybe i just want him/her to get better

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

nah... i dont know how to express it better. Maybe i just want him/her to get better

But that's just it. It's all about what you want.

You've expressed that quite clearly and well throughout the thread.



Not engaging further. All here is abundantly clear for me.

 

[Elbarado]

Yup, there is no difference in yelling in capital letters to someone who is dying because they were too much of a moron to rethink if a complete stranger didn't order them to do it. That is my only and last reply to you, right you go on ignore list.

nOW i know what you mean By captial letters o_O till now i didnt even realise I wrote in capitals. It wasnt meant as yelling. I just wrote

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Just incurable physical illness.

Same as me. Wish you the best in whatever you decide. Hugs

 

[Living sucks]

Everybody has its own reasons for thinking about CBT, but as for me, who suffers from a uncurable cruel disease, i get triggered, angry, and especially sad, when someone wants to end his life, because of a relationship and stuff. That doesnt mean, that i dont empathize with that person or i want to judge them and stuff...
It just makes me sad and i want the person to rethink everything and want to strengthen them,because i want them to overcome these cruel feelings and thoughts to hopefully get a better life.
I was born a fighter, although i had to learn it. I have never wanted somebody to succeed over me by their actions and never wanted to give the pleasant to give in.
But i know how it hurts.
I would love that everybody who has this emotional pain to overcome it and have faith in themselves.
I know time wont cure any emotional wounds, we are the one to deal with em by getting stronger, maybe getting wiser, growing more as the wonderful person we are.
A close friend tried to ctb back in the days, cause of rejections, feeled loneliness and stuff. She got saved. Luckily with no permanent damage. It was a long way, but now she developed into even greater person as she was before. She is satisfied with her life and happy that she was saved that day.

I would love to give everybody who wants to ctb my illness, then both sides can be happy. Sadly that wont work. For me i want to live so badly like it was 1,5 years ago without this suffering and it just makes me sad from the bottom of my heart when somebody wants to end his life although they are physically healthy and could possible change things and get happier.

We share similar feelings as Im also dying and do not want to. Except now im also dealing with shear loneliness on top of the illness.. i have every reason to ctb but still my fear of ctb keeps me suffering. Dealing with both, if I could choose only one, I'd choose alone and physically healthy over ctb.
i never once thought of ctb until i got sick and lost everything and everyone. I wish no one had to think of ctb ever. It's cruel

So your reason to ctb is valid. Just yours. Just incurable physical illness.

The rest of the comment is like a pro-life script. I got a contact high from it.

For those of us who are forced to ctb from physical illness, those who loved life, (the lucky ones I guess, not lucky now) people who want to live but won't, it's natural to wish that others who are not dying, could have the strength to overcome their mental torture and own the power to love themself enough to keep going. Is it pro life? Not always, for me it's pro compassion, pro solitude, pro independence and anti torture bcuz it's torture to think about ctb 24:/7 especially when those thoughts do not bring comfort but bring shear terror.
I relate to @Elbarado's sentiment, we wish we could give some of our will to live to many here but if we express this heart felt sentiment with the wrong words, we will be viewed as pro life and risk being banned.

@woxihuanni In context of goodbye threads, I view saying "good luck" as encouragement as you might see "please take time to reconsider" as prolife bullying. (Although i realize the caps made it seem demanding) even @x-Ace-x said he wished no one had to choose the path he chose (ctb)

Should all goodbye threads be like Shawn's ? Emotionless good lucks? Why is it not ok to hope someone will reconsider or ask if there's any hope for them to cling to?

last week someone posted that they're SO is going to be devastated and another member said, "why would you even ctb if you have someone who loves you, I would never ctb if I had that." Why was that not torn apart as invalidating?

I saw @x-Ace-x telling many that if they reconsider it's ok.

Some people write from their heart esp in goodbye threads. It's human nature to want people to not have to die.
@Elbarado I get what you feel, I would trade places with anyone not dying, however, we (you and I and others terminally ill) have to take into consideration that those who may have lived to 100 but hate life, and don't have the strength to fight, feel ctb is the only way. It's heart breaking but our personal feelings on the matter need to be filtered to a degree to not flow too far into prolife territory.

A gentle reminder that This particular thread is titled "ctb due to loneliness or breakups", it was not titled "ctb due to lifelong depression, MH issues, abuse, debt, anxiety, anhedonia, bpd, autism, abandonment, followed by loneliness and breakups". (This is not meant in a condescending way to invalidate that most are suffering from many issues not just one thing. I just meant in considering a reply)

This site also promotes offering advice, comfort, help, compassion etc and for ctb to be a last resort. Helping to save a life is as important as the right to end it. Pro Choice


Is it wrong to wish people could find strength to live instead of ctb?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@Living sucks, I'm not going to take the bait of engaging in calling you wrong or right. That is not the issue and is a diversion.

The issue of the OP is negating another's choice to ctb for relationship reasons, and weighting such reasons as valid or invalid, or more or less so, against other reasons.

Respectfully, both you and @Elbarado enjoyed life and would choose to live if not for your health issues.

But others can go on living! And even thrive!

Is that not projection? Wanting them to do what you cannot, and would if you could, perhaps even at one point did?

What about what they want? What about their experience? It is overlayed and subsumed by your personal gaze on them; they do not even exist. They are unheard, talked to, talked over, explained, and their autonomous, authentic, 3-D self utterly dismissed. They are acknowledged as a representation of a potential you, a potential @Elbarado, a potential...baby that is incapable, uninformed, and in need of guidance.

Are you each in love with your own self and therefore do not want it to die?

That is okay.

But those to whom you respond are not your self, nor your quite personal and particular lost potential.

 

[lonelyhouse]

Wow, I didn't expect to see so many people relate to this post. It warms my cold, dead heart.

A few things:

I believe someone took issue with the subject line. I'll admit, looking back, it was slightly misleading, but I think the body of my post was pretty self-explanatory. Like, yes - my most recent tragedy led me to this site. It's the most painful thing I've experienced to date. But what's important here, and what I'm asking folks to consider, is that when someone says they want to ctb because they're lonely or just got dumped, it's a valid reason and shouldn't necessarily be brushed off.

Like others, I also feel for those who are young and want to ctb because they feel they'll never be happy again without their former significant other but - and again, this is my experience only - I've never had a healthy relationship, even when I was younger. My brokenness has attracted other broken people like moths to a flame. It has taken me 37 years to realize this. I feel like I'd be lying to someone if I offered this kind of positive advice because, for me, it's turned out to be merely a platitude. I can't keep holding on to "maybes" and "perhapses" and "just hang in there, the right person will come along." I know it's not this way for everyone... all I'm saying is that it's this way for me and it may be this way for others. That's all.

I really have enjoyed reading the other perspectives people have posted. It wasn't my intent to trigger anyone.

 

[Living sucks]

It's not about being wrong or right. And respectfully, why is my response referred to as bait?
I don't even have a clue how to bait if i wanted to.

I made a polite suggestion to @Elbarado on being careful to not tread to close to the prolife stance. I also noted that there are people who hate life and nothing can change it and ctb is their only option.

I truly wish everyone could find happiness and joy to live. However I realize that's not always the case or possible and accept anyone's decision to ctb if they choose. That was clear in my response.
Threads are created to ask opinions.. to agree or disagree, to debate, to advise, not to be right or wrong, but unfortunately many argue to those notions.

The unknown in both life and death..

Only the person living the nightmare can decide.

In love with myself, no. In love with living life, yes. I was, not now. I mostly appreciate your feedback and view it as constructive up until making accusations and analyzing someone's personal feelings which can be uncalled for and presumptuous. I'm not versed but is that a form of other defining? Are you trying to define who I am for others? That is not who I am in any way. And I know I fell for the bait, couldn't help myself.

To OP. I understand completely but choose to remain private on my situation. It's part of my long list of reasons on top of necessity.

 

[Muirthemne]

To provide an alternate perspective, I have a hard time wrapping my head around wanting to CTB for any reason other than loneliness. Or at least without loneliness being a major factor.

Personally I find I can cope with just about anything as long as I don't feel like I have to face it alone. The trouble is these days I face everything alone. I have no family left, I only have a few friends that I'm mostly not very close with, I've never dated, and it's painfully clear at this point that women simply don't find me attractive and never will. The loneliness is killing me, and there's no escape, because if there was anyone who could help me with this, I wouldn't feel lonely in the first place. I've been so lonely for so long virtually no one can understand what I'm going through, which just isolates me more.

You gotta understand there's a difference between breathing and living. If you knew you had nothing to look forward to for the next forty years but living alone and mindlessly playing video games to numb the pain, would you really want to keep going? Spending every day alone with no one to support you in your pain or celebrate your triumphs with you isn't living. It's just existing.

That's not to judge or invalidate people who do have other reasons for wanting to die, mind you. It's not something I can understand from my perspective, but that doesn't mean it's wrong.