Venting CTB because I did something unforgivable to someone I love

[glowstick bones]

I did something really fucking awful to someone l love, and years later the guilt is making me want to CTB. I feel like this is the best place to vent about this kind of thing, so here goes.
When I was 14, me, one of my friends (also 14) , my 12 year old sister, and one of her friends (also 12) were hanging out after school. We decided to try messing around with hypnosis, using those guided meditation videos on YouTube to 'hypnotise' ourselves and then getting each other to do stuff. After a while, my sister was the only one of us who Still wanted to be the 'hypnotised' one in the game, so we were getting her to do stuff. I don't know why, but I told her to kiss her friend, and she did.
I feel so fucking guilty about this because I've always been really close with my sister, and she is probably the person in my life I care about most. And I basically SA,d her what in the actual fuck is wrong with me? Will probably be CTBing soon, it's years later and I can't live like this anymore.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Honestly, I was expecting something far worse! It's actually very touching that you feel so bad about it. Yes, it wasn't great but you were children. Sounds like it's the sort of thing that happens a lot- a game starts and the behaviour just gets more and more extreme as you go on. Even adults behave like it! Ever heard of the Stanford prison experiment?

Have you talked to your sister about it? Have you told her how bad you feel? Do you think it really affected her? Of course, I don't know either of you but it sounds like it's something that could be forgiven. I personally think you should try and talk about it.

It's good to feel remorse I think- it shows you have grown as a person. Sadly, we can't always take back the wrong things we've done but I'm sure you wouldn't behave like that now. That and an apology is all you can realistically do now but I would think that might help. (Hopefully.) I wish you all the best- whatever you decide to do.

 

[Gaga786]

Many people wouldn't even care about their memories, where they have inflicted harm, or their actions. The fact that you do makes you highly kind and caring. At the end of the day, you were all children–who usually do things without thinking of their repercussions– and minors. Have you apologised to your sister or confronted her about it. I know it may seem daunting but her forgiveness will grant you that peace that you desire. You should also forgive yourself for your actions because im sure you didn't mean it in an hurtful way. It was just foolish antics that every child does. No one is perfect in this world. Everyone makes mistakes, me.. you.. anyone else. Wishing you the best! Take care.