CTB at home.

[Loner]

I just don't know what to do. I want to CTB now but I love my family and I hate to hurt them. Also, I am so worried about doing it at home and making their lives miserable. And I heard that if someone killed themselves at home, the price of the property will go down?

I cannot go to work and I have no money. I have terrible social anxiety and can't even get out of the house unless it is absolutely necessary, even then I have to have my husband with me. I have no friends and I completely depend on my husband on everything but he loves me to bits. But don't want to depend on him since he is struggling money-wise.

I find it extremely difficult to talk to people I do not know. I can't bear to be around a lot of people no matter how hard I try. I just can't do it. I am worried about my mum because she is living on her own far away from me and my dad died so she only has the money my husband send her once a month. There are too many other things but I am too tired to talk about it all.

I am good for nothing and I hate the fact that I exist. I just need to end it but I can't because I don't want to hurt my family. I cannot CTB somewhere else like a hotel room because I can't go on my own, I don't know what to do... Anyone else in the same situation? I can't even sleep at night because of this. Is it alright if I CTB at home? That is the biggest question. But I can't imagine hurting my family. I just want to stop existing.

 

[Fragile]

i feel you, i'm in a similar situation in terms of social anxiety and deeply fearing the damage that it will do to my family.

however i'm gattering the courage to move away, get my method, wait until their lives are at least not so bad as they are today, and then do it in a hotel so i fuck the least possible amount of people because personaly, i can't live with the idea of a family member finding my body.

the only thing that i can recommend are benzos, those really and i mean REALLY help with social anxiety, doctors prescribe them quite easily if you mention that you have anxiety and drugs like SSRIs don't work for you, plus if you mention that you suffer from panic attacks it is basicaly guaranteed that you will get them, they are extremely adictive and the whitdrawals are pure hell, but that shouldn't matter if you just use them to make the preparations for your exit.

and who knows, they may help you sleep better and start recovering from your anxiety issues, so in a way they could act as a first step in some sort of treatment.

but that's entirely up to you and i wish you good luck regardless of what you decide.

 

[Loner]

i feel you, i'm in a similar situation in terms of social anxiety and deeply fearing the damage that it will do to my family.

however i'm gattering the courage to move away, get my method, wait until their lives are at least not so bad as they are today, and then do it in a hotel so i fuck the least possible amount of people because personaly, i can't live with the idea of a family member finding my body.

the only thing that i can recommend are benzos, those really and i mean REALLY help with social anxiety, doctors prescribe them quite easily if you mention that you have anxiety and drugs like SSRIs don't work for you, plus if you mention that you suffer from panic attacks it is basicaly guaranteed that you will get them, they are extremely adictive and the whitdrawals are pure hell, but that shouldn't matter if you just use them to make the preparations for your exit.

and who knows, they may help you sleep better and start recovering from your anxiety issues, so in a way they could act as a first step in some sort of treatment.

but that's entirely up to you and i wish you good luck regardless of what you decide.

Thank you very much for your reply, I greatly appreciate it. It makes sense. I will try and make an appointment with the doctor for benzos but the side effects scare me, then again if I am going to CTB soon that would not be a problem. I wish you good luck too and I wish things weren't too hard for us...

 

[Time]

I'm sorry to hear all this, Loner. It sounds like a very painful situation.

The pain of me ctb will most likely cause my family is the only reason I have some hesitation. And until I came here I was ready to ctb @ home. I knew it would be a horrible sight for them to find me dead but the pain was too great & I just wanted it to end.

I wish that I had a better answer but, ultimately, the decision to ctb @ home (or in general) is entirely up to you. But I support your decision either way.

and who knows, they may help you sleep better and start recovering from your anxiety issues, so in a way they could act as a first step in some sort of treatment.

Very great point, Fragile.

 

[WilliamKline]

I just don't know what to do. I want to CTB now but I love my family and I hate to hurt them. Also, I am so worried about doing it at home and making their lives miserable. And I heard that if someone killed themselves at home, the price of the property will go down?

I cannot go to work and I have no money. I have terrible social anxiety and can't even get out of the house unless it is absolutely necessary, even then I have to have my husband with me. I have no friends and I completely depend on my husband on everything but he loves me to bits. But don't want to depend on him since he is struggling money-wise.

I find it extremely difficult to talk to people I do not know. I can't bear to be around a lot of people no matter how hard I try. I just can't do it. I am worried about my mum because she is living on her own far away from me and my dad died so she only has the money my husband send her once a month. There are too many other things but I am too tired to talk about it all.

I am good for nothing and I hate the fact that I exist. I just need to end it but I can't because I don't want to hurt my family. I cannot CTB somewhere else like a hotel room because I can't go on my own, I don't know what to do... Anyone else in the same situation? I can't even sleep at night because of this. Is it alright if I CTB at home? That is the biggest question. But I can't imagine hurting my family. I just want to stop existing.

I've been struggling with the same question, except for the property value. But definitely struggling with doing a lot of hurt to my family, especially my parents, who have actually been quite good to me.

My thinking on this has evolved a bit and might help you. Do you think your mom would have been able to stand the amount of suffering from the age things started with you until her current age? This is the comparison I use when guilt-tripping; I'm quite sure others wouldn't have lasted as long as I have without having offed themselves. And if they would've done so, where's the guilt in you doing so? I mean, you can only make a meaningful comparison when others are in the same boat as you are, otherwise it's about you being a martyr, but not of your own choosing

 

[Loner]

I'm sorry to hear all this, Loner. It sounds like a very painful situation.

The pain of me ctb will most likely cause my family is the only reason I have some hesitation. And until I came here I was ready to ctb @ home. I knew it would be a horrible sight for them to find me dead but the pain was too great & I just wanted it to end.

I wish that I had a better answer but, ultimately, the decision to ctb @ home (or in general) is entirely up to you. But I support your decision either way.




Very great point, Fragile.

Thank you so much for your reply Time, I guess we just cannot CTB without upsetting our loved ones. I have decided to try and be here until I just couldn't take it any longer... that is the best I could do. I love them more than anything, so I will try. This is a nightmare situation for me though Thank you very much for trying to help me.

I've been struggling with the same question, except for the property value. But definitely struggling with doing a lot of hurt to my family, especially my parents, who have actually been quite good to me.

My thinking on this has evolved a bit and might help you. Do you think your mom would have been able to stand the amount of suffering from the age things started with you until her current age? This is the comparison I use when guilt-tripping; I'm quite sure others wouldn't have lasted as long as I have without having offed themselves. And if they would've done so, where's the guilt in you doing so? I mean, you can only make a meaningful comparison when others are in the same boat as you are, otherwise it's about you being a martyr, but not of your own choosing

Thanks a lot, WilliamKline. I guess it's the way you look at it. It's impossible for me to CTB without upsetting my loved ones and it's the same for others I am sure, so I will try my best to be here for my family until I couldn't take it anymore. It would have been great if I could just die without me having to kill myself... sigh.

 

[WilliamKline]

Thank you so much for your reply Time, I guess we just cannot CTB without upsetting our loved ones. I have decided to try and be here until I just couldn't take it any longer... that is the best I could do. I love them more than anything, so I will try. This is a nightmare situation for me though Thank you very much for trying to help me.


Thanks a lot, WilliamKline. I guess it's the way you look at it. It's impossible for me to CTB without upsetting my loved ones and it's the same for others I am sure, so I will try my best to be here for my family until I couldn't take it anymore. It would have been great if I could just die without me having to kill myself... sigh.

Well this is just philosophical musings, but if I'd have counted the times I've wished for someone else to off me I'd have lost count. What if we indeed weren't in our right mind when offing ourselves? I don't really believe this myself as I've been wanting to off myself for years now and I see it as quite a deliberate choice. It might actually be a comforting thought to our loved ones thinking we weren't in our right minds when choosing to CTB - that would be like someone (or something) else killing us

 

[Loner]

Well this is just philosophical musings, but if I'd have counted the times I've wished for someone else to off me I'd have lost count. What if we indeed weren't in our right mind when offing ourselves? I don't really believe this myself as I've been wanting to off myself for years now and I see it as quite a deliberate choice. It might actually be a comforting thought to our loved ones thinking we weren't in our right minds when choosing to CTB - that would be like someone else killing us

I agree with you. If only we could just die without us having to do it. It would certainly make things a bit easier for the people who love us. Dealing with suicide is a lot harder. But what can we do? Nobody would want to kill themselves for the fun of it. It's very tough for our loved ones and for us at the same time.

 

[WilliamKline]

I agree with you. If only we could just die without us having to do it. It would certainly make things a bit easier for the people who love us. Dealing with suicide is a lot harder. But what can we do? Nobody would want to kill themselves for the fun of it. It's very tough for our loved ones and for us at the same time.

For me personally, I know when being on certain drugs I just don't have that feeling of being an individual anymore (ketamine mostly), those are the times I come closest to impulsive CTB, my planning stops it though, I've got a planning document with to-do's to be completed before catching the bus...

 

[SinisterKid]

I awoke one Saturday morning and just knew it was THE day. I had not made any plans other than a little research on Ami cocktails. I crushed the pills, mixed in a tumbler, drank it down around 10am. I was sat on the floor listening to music. My partner was at work. She came home and found me around 2.30pm. She does not usually get home until about 3.15pm. She got a neighbour who did the CPR stuff until the medics arrived and took me to hospital. If my partner had come home at her usual time, I wold not be here writing this.

The pain it inflicted on her was unknown to me until we did some specialised couples counselling a few months later. Its a guilt I will take with me to my grave. Now when she comes home and uses the intercom [I am disabled] and I dont answer as it takes me a while to reach it, she thinks back to that day. I have one more attempt in me, I have all I need. But I will not do it at home again. I cannot and will not put her through that again, she deserves a lot better than that.

But at the time I was in severe depression according to the head doc. I was only thinking of myself. My perspective was different. I am in a better place right now but could easily spiral out of control again. But I still will not do that to her again, no matter what. So please please please, think very long and hard about attempting at home. Suicide is hard enough for those we leave behind, adding more to that is not something I wish to contemplate again.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I just don't know what to do. I want to CTB now but I love my family and I hate to hurt them. Also, I am so worried about doing it at home and making their lives miserable. And I heard that if someone killed themselves at home, the price of the property will go down?

I cannot go to work and I have no money. I have terrible social anxiety and can't even get out of the house unless it is absolutely necessary, even then I have to have my husband with me. I have no friends and I completely depend on my husband on everything but he loves me to bits. But don't want to depend on him since he is struggling money-wise.

I find it extremely difficult to talk to people I do not know. I can't bear to be around a lot of people no matter how hard I try. I just can't do it. I am worried about my mum because she is living on her own far away from me and my dad died so she only has the money my husband send her once a month. There are too many other things but I am too tired to talk about it all.

I am good for nothing and I hate the fact that I exist. I just need to end it but I can't because I don't want to hurt my family. I cannot CTB somewhere else like a hotel room because I can't go on my own, I don't know what to do... Anyone else in the same situation? I can't even sleep at night because of this. Is it alright if I CTB at home? That is the biggest question. But I can't imagine hurting my family. I just want to stop existing.

I wish I had some magical cure but it's either kill yourself or live with the pain.

 

[Daniela]

I heard that if someone killed themselves at home, the price of the property will go down?

Damn. I had no idea.

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Can find little information so far as to how it works where I live (in Italy), but it appears the law doesn't require disclosure (unlike parts of the USA)

Anyone who is Italian and/or familiar with Italian house selling policies, please feel free to PM me. Anyone from the EU familiar with EU house selling, really.

 

[Loner]

I awoke one Saturday morning and just knew it was THE day. I had not made any plans other than a little research on Ami cocktails. I crushed the pills, mixed in a tumbler, drank it down around 10am. I was sat on the floor listening to music. My partner was at work. She came home and found me around 2.30pm. She does not usually get home until about 3.15pm. She got a neighbour who did the CPR stuff until the medics arrived and took me to hospital. If my partner had come home at her usual time, I wold not be here writing this.

The pain it inflicted on her was unknown to me until we did some specialised couples counselling a few months later. Its a guilt I will take with me to my grave. Now when she comes home and uses the intercom [I am disabled] and I dont answer as it takes me a while to reach it, she thinks back to that day. I have one more attempt in me, I have all I need. But I will not do it at home again. I cannot and will not put her through that again, she deserves a lot better than that.

But at the time I was in severe depression according to the head doc. I was only thinking of myself. My perspective was different. I am in a better place right now but could easily spiral out of control again. But I still will not do that to her again, no matter what. So please please please, think very long and hard about attempting at home. Suicide is hard enough for those we leave behind, adding more to that is not something I wish to contemplate again.

Thank you so much for your reply SinisterKid. And I would like to thank others who replied as well. I am so sad to hear your story. And I agree with you 100%. I will not CTB at home if I need to do it. I think it would be too cruel to do that to our loved ones. Suicide alone is bad enough. Mental illness is horrible. It's not easy for other people to understand what we are going through. But it's not their fault either. There is no way we can CTB without hurting our loved ones... that is the sad reality.