CTB as a transsexual woman

[lanadelreyisgod223]

Basically i'm a 20 year old transsexual woman who was absolutely nuked by puberty to the point of never being able to pass as a real woman, because of this I know i'll always be suicidal and will never have a good quality of life. On the other hand, i know if i were to CTB and people from my university all knew about it, many of them would definitely meme and celebrate bc another mentally ill transsexual committed.

 

[Jisatsu]

As a transwoman , I get it... I don't exactly look like the peak example of a woman but I know that with time and progress with hrt and other trans related healthcare I can look much more like how I want.

 

[iveseenfootage]

your life is yours alone, never make decisions like whether or not to ctb based on what people might think.

 

[lanadelreyisgod223]

your life is yours alone, never make decisions like whether or not to ctb based on what people might think.

i'm worried i just might be another statistic of transsexual suicides + whenever a transsexual woman specifically chooses to CTB, the people who hate us genuinely laugh and celebrate. it just makes me wanna live out of spite to them.

 

[Deepdense]

What makes you believe they would celebrate?

 

[vira]

many of them would definitely meme and celebrate bc another mentally ill transsexual committed.

good thing you wouldn't be able to witness that lol

and if you believe in heaven or whatever then theyd go to hell regardless. win-win

What makes you believe they would celebrate?

dude if you live in a red state and are remotely left or look left leaning, everyone celebrates your failures. especially in the us. nobody even hides it lol. coming from someone who has watched it happen everywhere where i live

 

[Lost.Empyrean]

i'm worried i just might be another statistic of transsexual suicides + whenever a transsexual woman specifically chooses to CTB, the people who hate us genuinely laugh and celebrate. it just makes me wanna live out of spite to them.

they'll do that regardless of what you choose to do, so ultimately just do whatever you think is best. To be blunt I wouldn't focus on how those people would respond to whatever your decision is because I don't really see any real value in them. Like, as people. their opinions on anything are entirely worthless.

Transitioning is such a long process and it takes so much time and effort, outside of the struggle that comes with being trans, do you still want to be alive? like if you could find contentment with yourself theoretically what would you do? would you still ctb or would you do something else?

 

[BradGuy123]

Basically i'm a 20 year old transsexual woman who was absolutely nuked by puberty to the point of never being able to pass as a real woman, because of this I know i'll always be suicidal and will never have a good quality of life. On the other hand, i know if i were to CTB and people from my university all knew about it, many of them would definitely meme and celebrate bc another mentally ill transsexual committed.

I'm cis myself, so I don't know firsthand what you are feeling. I do want to say that I'm a trans ally. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I live in a big city, and I do know there is a large transgender community here. I hope you can find some transgender friends in your city or if you live in a small town maybe there is some kind of online community. I don't think you are mentally ill. You were born trans.

 

[lanadelreyisgod223]

they'll do that regardless of what you choose to do, so ultimately just do whatever you think is best. To be blunt I wouldn't focus on how those people would respond to whatever your decision is because I don't really see any real value in them. Like, as people. their opinions on anything are entirely worthless.

Transitioning is such a long process and it takes so much time and effort, outside of the struggle that comes with being trans, do you still want to be alive? like if you could find contentment with yourself theoretically what would you do? would you still ctb or would you do something else?

that's honestly a great question. outside of the struggle of being trans, i do think i would want to be alive more. i think if i wasn't trans, i'd pursue the career i really want to go for (a doctor!) and have children.

I'm cis myself, so I don't know firsthand what you are feeling. I do want to say that I'm a trans ally. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I live in a big city, and I do know there is a large transgender community here. I hope you can find some transgender friends in your city or if you live in a small town maybe there is some kind of online community. I don't think you are mentally ill. You were born trans.

thank you dear xx. unfortunately i came out at 12 and witnessed my body be destroyed by testosterone for 6 years, which gave me trauma that i'll never fully recover from. the biggest issue for me is that i don't see myself as a woman at all and neither does anyone else. in order to reverse all of that requires probably like 300,000 dollars that i will probably never be able to access. so it really is just that cycle of knowing that a swift and peaceful ctb would bring so much relief and it feels like a kind thing to do for myself.

 

[BPDtgirl]

Basically i'm a 20 year old transsexual woman who was absolutely nuked by puberty to the point of never being able to pass as a real woman, because of this I know i'll always be suicidal and will never have a good quality of life. On the other hand, i know if i were to CTB and people from my university all knew about it, many of them would definitely meme and celebrate bc another mentally ill transsexual committed.

I don't have any advice on what to do for you, but you should know that your ability to continue to live in spite of all that you have mentioned is a testament to your strength and resolve.

 

[kcon1243]

Basically i'm a 20 year old transsexual woman who was absolutely nuked by puberty to the point of never being able to pass as a real woman, because of this I know i'll always be suicidal and will never have a good quality of life. On the other hand, i know if i were to CTB and people from my university all knew about it, many of them would definitely meme and celebrate bc another mentally ill transsexual committed.

So many people start transitioning with wayyyyyyyyyy more than 20 years of living as their assigned gender under their belt and they are definitely able pass with time.

Don't sell yourself short.

Hormones do magical things and surgery can make a difference if those are avenues you're interested in pursuing.

 

[Seneca65AD]

As an old guy who never had to deal with being gay or trans, take my opinion for what it's worth.....but I get a lot of before and after transition photos in my facebook feeds (probably because I give a thumbs up when seeing how happy the person looks after transitioning).... and my first thought is always "there is no way that hot-female used to be that guy".... Now, most of the photos show a timeline of at least 2 years on HRT, but good lawd, the difference is astounding - and we're talking about the transitions occuring when they are in their 30's and 40's.

Don't let the bastards at your university wear you down. You have people here pulling for you to make it. What's the old saying...."living well is the best revenge". You got this!!

 

[lanadelreyisgod223]

What makes you believe they would celebrate?

for many peop

As an old guy who never had to deal with being gay or trans, take my opinion for what it's worth.....but I get a lot of before and after transition photos in my facebook feeds (probably because I give a thumbs up when seeing how happy the person looks after transitioning).... and my first thought is always "there is no way that hot-female used to be that guy".... Now, most of the photos show a timeline of at least 2 years on HRT, but good lawd, the difference is astounding - and we're talking about the transitions occuring when they are in their 30's and 40's.

Don't let the bastards at your university wear you down. You have people here pulling for you to make it. What's the old saying...."living well is the best revenge". You got this!!

aww thank you kind soul!

 

[Lost.Empyrean]

that's honestly a great question. outside of the struggle of being trans, i do think i would want to be alive more. i think if i wasn't trans, i'd pursue the career i really want to go for (a doctor!) and have children.

well, you may not be able to reach whatever your transition goal is if it's too unrealistic. I've noticed a lot of women who transition at older ages (like after 45-50) tend to look like old women, and for some I can see how that might be upsetting given that so much of your life has been essentially ripped from you by having to live a lie and the fact that at that age your peers will likely be less receptive to this decision, but In my opinion (and take it lightly, i'm ftm so I have limited knowledge on this genre of mtf problems) it's better to transition and look like shit than to suffocate under who you're told you should be because then at least you're finally filling the shoes you were meant to wear, both literally and metaphorically.

I personally suck shit at passing right now because i'm still a Wip, but After I got top surgery it felt like I could finally start my living life, so I will always be advocating for people to remain courageous and give themselves a chance. There's still time, and there's an entire community out there willing to support you regardless of whether or not they can relate to your experiences. There is much honor to be had in the struggle that comes with finding yourself and living in the truth of who that is. This path is both deeply blessed and deeply cursed at the same time. Sometimes I think the act of being anything at all is strange. anyways

I have a few more questions
Would you be willing to withstand the time and effort it takes to fully transition? (there are a lot of ups and downs)
what kind of woman do you want to be in this season of your life? future seasons to come? outside of the physical, who do you look up to?
do you think you could possibly withstand living without healthcare (repping)? if so, how long?
Would you genuinely be transitioning (and by extension living) for yourself and for your own approval?
you don't have to actually answer any of them, at least not here and not to me. I just think these are all good things to consider before doing anything.

Ultimately it is your body and your decision though.
Whether you choose to kill the person you are to become the person you want to be OR You die to escape a fate you already assumed you're going to meet, autonomy is autonomy and it's important that you really think about it and stand firm in whatever choice you make. It would be sad as fuck if your last moments were filled with regret.

 

[lanadelreyisgod223]

well, you may not be able to reach whatever your transition goal is if it's too unrealistic. I've noticed a lot of women who transition at older ages (like after 45-50) tend to look like old women, and for some I can see how that might be upsetting given that so much of your life has been essentially ripped from you by having to live a lie and the fact that at that age your peers will likely be less receptive to this decision, but In my opinion (and take it lightly, i'm ftm so I have limited knowledge on this genre of mtf problems) it's better to transition and look like shit than to suffocate under who you're told you should be because then at least you're finally filling the shoes you were meant to wear, both literally and metaphorically.

I personally suck shit at passing right now because i'm still a Wip, but After I got top surgery it felt like I could finally start my living life, so I will always be advocating for people to remain courageous and give themselves a chance. There's still time, and there's an entire community out there willing to support you regardless of whether or not they can relate to your experiences. There is much honor to be had in the struggle that comes with finding yourself and living in the truth of who that is. This path is both deeply blessed and deeply cursed at the same time. Sometimes I think the act of being anything at all is strange. anyways

I have a few more questions
Would you be willing to withstand the time and effort it takes to fully transition? (there are a lot of ups and downs)
what kind of woman do you want to be in this season of your life? future seasons to come? outside of the physical, who do you look up to?
do you think you could possibly withstand living without healthcare (repping)? if so, how long?
Would you genuinely be transitioning (and by extension living) for yourself and for your own approval?
you don't have to actually answer any of them, at least not here and not to me. I just think these are all good things to consider before doing anything.

Ultimately it is your body and your decision though.
Whether you choose to kill the person you are to become the person you want to be OR You die to escape a fate you already assumed you're going to meet, autonomy is autonomy and it's important that you really think about it and stand firm in whatever choice you make. It would be sad as fuck if your last moments were filled with regret.

hi dear, thank you for this. i actually started estrogen at 16, by means of DIY from an online site in Thailand. It's been 4 years for me.
I honestly don't even know who i want to be or who i am. i look up a lot to Claudia Schiffer and 90s models honestly. i want to be an elegant poised woman who loves herself and doesn't want to be dead.

what just haunts me so much is that even if i fully transition and look entirely like a woman, i will actually have the functions of a female body and it is incredibly difficult to date men as a transsexual woman. i want to find love and be loved, but all of my trauma and being trans makes me feel so deeply ashamed and unlovable. i think everyone's last moments are filled with regret when they choose to CTB, and that's the most difficult part. it absolutely is their choice to make, but it is such an incredibly difficult choice to make and i can only pray that the people who do it go peacefully and without worry.

well, you may not be able to reach whatever your transition goal is if it's too unrealistic. I've noticed a lot of women who transition at older ages (like after 45-50) tend to look like old women, and for some I can see how that might be upsetting given that so much of your life has been essentially ripped from you by having to live a lie and the fact that at that age your peers will likely be less receptive to this decision, but In my opinion (and take it lightly, i'm ftm so I have limited knowledge on this genre of mtf problems) it's better to transition and look like shit than to suffocate under who you're told you should be because then at least you're finally filling the shoes you were meant to wear, both literally and metaphorically.

I personally suck shit at passing right now because i'm still a Wip, but After I got top surgery it felt like I could finally start my living life, so I will always be advocating for people to remain courageous and give themselves a chance. There's still time, and there's an entire community out there willing to support you regardless of whether or not they can relate to your experiences. There is much honor to be had in the struggle that comes with finding yourself and living in the truth of who that is. This path is both deeply blessed and deeply cursed at the same time. Sometimes I think the act of being anything at all is strange. anyways

I have a few more questions
Would you be willing to withstand the time and effort it takes to fully transition? (there are a lot of ups and downs)
what kind of woman do you want to be in this season of your life? future seasons to come? outside of the physical, who do you look up to?
do you think you could possibly withstand living without healthcare (repping)? if so, how long?
Would you genuinely be transitioning (and by extension living) for yourself and for your own approval?
you don't have to actually answer any of them, at least not here and not to me. I just think these are all good things to consider before doing anything.

Ultimately it is your body and your decision though.
Whether you choose to kill the person you are to become the person you want to be OR You die to escape a fate you already assumed you're going to meet, autonomy is autonomy and it's important that you really think about it and stand firm in whatever choice you make. It would be sad as fuck if your last moments were filled with regret.

i honestly cannot give a response to this that matches your thoughtfulness and empathy, so i apologize for that. a big reason i consider CTB is because i actually had facial feminization surgery lined up with my favorite surgeon in the entire world, but insurance shit fell through for me and i kind of told myself that if i didn't get FFS from this surgeon i'd catch the bus. i think i want to stay and give them hell until they allow me to get FFS and what i want.

well, you may not be able to reach whatever your transition goal is if it's too unrealistic. I've noticed a lot of women who transition at older ages (like after 45-50) tend to look like old women, and for some I can see how that might be upsetting given that so much of your life has been essentially ripped from you by having to live a lie and the fact that at that age your peers will likely be less receptive to this decision, but In my opinion (and take it lightly, i'm ftm so I have limited knowledge on this genre of mtf problems) it's better to transition and look like shit than to suffocate under who you're told you should be because then at least you're finally filling the shoes you were meant to wear, both literally and metaphorically.

I personally suck shit at passing right now because i'm still a Wip, but After I got top surgery it felt like I could finally start my living life, so I will always be advocating for people to remain courageous and give themselves a chance. There's still time, and there's an entire community out there willing to support you regardless of whether or not they can relate to your experiences. There is much honor to be had in the struggle that comes with finding yourself and living in the truth of who that is. This path is both deeply blessed and deeply cursed at the same time. Sometimes I think the act of being anything at all is strange. anyways

I have a few more questions
Would you be willing to withstand the time and effort it takes to fully transition? (there are a lot of ups and downs)
what kind of woman do you want to be in this season of your life? future seasons to come? outside of the physical, who do you look up to?
do you think you could possibly withstand living without healthcare (repping)? if so, how long?
Would you genuinely be transitioning (and by extension living) for yourself and for your own approval?
you don't have to actually answer any of them, at least not here and not to me. I just think these are all good things to consider before doing anything.

Ultimately it is your body and your decision though.
Whether you choose to kill the person you are to become the person you want to be OR You die to escape a fate you already assumed you're going to meet, autonomy is autonomy and it's important that you really think about it and stand firm in whatever choice you make. It would be sad as fuck if your last moments were filled with regret.

this site is filled with incredibly insightful people who are genuine and united in their suffering. everything is so stigmatized and complex, which makes it hard and scary to even talk about things

 

[Deepdense]

for many peop

What?