CTB as a cry for help

[Cheesecake]

everyday i wake up and while i do genuinely want to die part of me just wants people to notice that i have a problem,, and im really scared of regretting my choice despite most of the factors in my life making it one of the few options i have. is it wrong to want to be stopped part way through? (like i wouldnt really mind dying and ive come close, but i feel itd be nice for someone to finally notice without me having to tell them)

 

[EternalDreams]

hugs, i relate to this a lot. just wanting to be heard or be seen.

 

[halleyscomet]

when i was younger i attempted in such ways that i knew it probably wouldn't kill me but it would harm me.

you'd think that after someone has actually attempted suicide, they actually have to go to hospital, peoples attitudes would change right? you'd finally get the attention and care you've been craving for all this time, right?

well in my experience no. it doesn't work like that.

once i took the plunge i wasn't met with sympathy or sadness, i was met with anger. i was screamed at by my parents saying they wished it worked (i was 13). the doctors told me i wasn't sick enough for any treatment, as if i was that ill i'd be dead already. i was essentially sent home like nothing happened, with angry parents and unattended cuts, still high off my ass after the od.

i don't want to scare you out of crying for help, but i don't want to give you false hope either. when you become sick enough for it to be a problem people's attitudes can wildly change. the people or professionals you thought really cared about you, might not have the same attitude anymore.

it's really better to go to the professionals as you are, to save yourself the trauma of a failed attempt.

but that's just my opinion and my experience, no matter what you do i hope you find the comfort that you deserve. <3

 

[Young.Werther]

everyday i wake up and while i do genuinely want to die part of me just wants people to notice that i have a problem,, and im really scared of regretting my choice despite most of the factors in my life making it one of the few options i have. is it wrong to want to be stopped part way through? (like i wouldnt really mind dying and ive come close, but i feel itd be nice for someone to finally notice without me having to tell them)

I don't think there's anything wrong. I think there are a lot of people who have conflicted feelings about CTB. If you haven't given recovery a shot, it might be worth trying once (idk if it's any easier or better than CTB since I obviously haven't managed either one). It sucks that people aren't actively there, so you might have to ask for help if that's what you choose. It's tough and might not work out as halleyscomet pointed out but it sounds like that's what you want? If it is, I'd say give it a go, and CTB will still be an option (although depending on your situation it might be good to have method on hand as backup since it seems like SN sources keep disappearing). Whatever you decide, there's a stranger on the internet rooting for you to find peace :)

i was essentially sent home like nothing happened, with angry parents and unattended cuts, still high off my ass after the od.

That's awful. Sometimes I think this world just isn't built for us. It's so painful and it's hard to see why it has to be that way.