Lotus
Experienced
- Dec 17, 2019
- 234
Hi. I'm a student at medical school and I'm currently working part time at a hospital unit. I've worked there since June (full time until September). I just got a phone call from the head of the unit. She told me that a nurse was complaining about my responsibilities at work. I know that she refers to my last shift this week, and I'm pretty sure who the nurse is (I've only worked with her this shift). I'm feeling so worthless and devastated. I had a pretty bad anxiety attack, and I've been crying since. I had to call the head of the unit back because I wasn't able to pull myself together during the first call, and had to call my mom before I got the courage to call back. I don't mind constructive criticism at all, but I feel like this is the typical thing that can happen in a female dominated work environment. No one has said anything to me directly to my face, even when I have asked if it's something that I should do or get better at, but then the boss is calling me and I feel like I can't defend myself. As a student I'm nothing, and I feel like she just took the nurse's word for it. I've only been getting posivite feedback so far since I started in June. She said that the complaint was about me asking the nurses that are responsible for the different patient if they need me to to anything (I usually don't have patients on my own, so I step in where I'm needed - in other words, I get excluded when they delegate patients and ignore me when I ask), and that I don't just do it without telling or asking them. I can't sit down during the shift, and I need to find work even if it's filling up random stuff that's already stocked up. This exact shift was a tough one for the nurses, I know that, and I got asked to do a lot I'm not allowed to do or haven't been taught to do. The last thing I want to do is cause a patient harm because I'm doing things I don't know, so I told the nurse that complained on me that I can do it if I get guidance, and she wasn't exactly happy about that. One of the doctors was really happy about showing me though. I feel like I was blamed for the busy shift and that I couldn't do all the nurse stuff.
Thanks for reading. I'm already feeling horrible about myself, and I feel like I'm at the verge of going down the ctb pathway again, and this doesn't make anything better. I've been working my ass off at the same time I'm back with my medical studies, and I feel like I'm not appreciated at all. She was just like: "So, uhm, do you feel comfortable working here further?" My mom told me that I should say yes, but I said that I want to be someone that contributes to the team and to the patients. So now I have to talk to her after I do my next shift (which I don't even know when is). I feel like crap, and I wonder if I deserve all this shit going on in my life. Am I that of an awful person?
Thanks for reading. I'm already feeling horrible about myself, and I feel like I'm at the verge of going down the ctb pathway again, and this doesn't make anything better. I've been working my ass off at the same time I'm back with my medical studies, and I feel like I'm not appreciated at all. She was just like: "So, uhm, do you feel comfortable working here further?" My mom told me that I should say yes, but I said that I want to be someone that contributes to the team and to the patients. So now I have to talk to her after I do my next shift (which I don't even know when is). I feel like crap, and I wonder if I deserve all this shit going on in my life. Am I that of an awful person?