Crisis line cried hearing my story

[nitrogenous]

I really can't deal with anything anymore. I just lost my job, which was my only protective factor… and this is the second time I lost a job due to my mental health. It's so unfair, yet the legalities in this sucks so much. They say it's illegal, but then you won't be able to make a case about it. I vented about this to the crisis line and they cried hearing about my story and everything I'm going through. Isn't this a sign of how devastating everything is?

I even got a crisis safe space (alternative to the emergency) to ban and physically removed me from the place because I "purposefully tried to destabilise the worker's mental health through my story". Like wtf is that? Isn't that basically saying how my life is sooo painful that it even triggered professionals?

I don't know why I should keep on going with life. I'm a failure. I used to thrive and excel in everything I do, but ever since I realised how messed up my life is, I've been in the complete opposite state of just being a failure in everything. I even failed in attempting suicide several times a couple months back. Why can't I just succeed? Or even better die on my sleep peacefully?

I have SN with me but I truly don't know when I should do it and I'm so scared I will fail. Especially, I plan to just use some ondansetron and diazepam with it and not the actual specific drugs recommended by the book. But I do think of ordering them tonight though if I managed to get my hands on them.

I just want the pain to end. I just want to be free of all sufferings. I don't want to attempt and fail again, but I'm so prone to vomiting just in general and it sucks. I'm just stuck.

 

[Macedonian1987]

This just goes to show how useless these suicide hotlines are. That's why I never ever called a suicide hotline, and from 4-5 years ago my useless country stopped offering even that "help" towards suicidal people because some politician stole the funding for it.

 

[darksouls]

This just goes to show how useless these suicide hotlines are. That's why I never ever called a suicide hotline, and from 4-5 years ago my useless country stopped offering even that "help" towards suicidal people because some politician stole the funding for it.

I only called a suicide hotline once,
the man said he did not know what to say about it and hung up the phone

 

[Defenestration]

I really can't deal with anything anymore. I just lost my job, which was my only protective factor… and this is the second time I lost a job due to my mental health. It's so unfair, yet the legalities in this sucks so much. They say it's illegal, but then you won't be able to make a case about it. I vented about this to the crisis line and they cried hearing about my story and everything I'm going through. Isn't this a sign of how devastating everything is?

I even got a crisis safe space (alternative to the emergency) to ban and physically removed me from the place because I "purposefully tried to destabilise the worker's mental health through my story". Like wtf is that? Isn't that basically saying how my life is sooo painful that it even triggered professionals?

I don't know why I should keep on going with life. I'm a failure. I used to thrive and excel in everything I do, but ever since I realised how messed up my life is, I've been in the complete opposite state of just being a failure in everything. I even failed in attempting suicide several times a couple months back. Why can't I just succeed? Or even better die on my sleep peacefully?

I have SN with me but I truly don't know when I should do it and I'm so scared I will fail. Especially, I plan to just use some ondansetron and diazepam with it and not the actual specific drugs recommended by the book. But I do think of ordering them tonight though if I managed to get my hands on them.

I just want the pain to end. I just want to be free of all sufferings. I don't want to attempt and fail again, but I'm so prone to vomiting just in general and it sucks. I'm just stuck.

Oh they are empathic and tolérant..
In my country less of listening

 

[nitrogenous]

Oh they are empathic and tolérant..
In my country less of listening

yeah… I end up ordering meto just now cause I'm more convinced after the interaction that my situation is useless and I need to ensure that my preparation is as close to the PPh as possible (except for the amount of Diazepam recommended which I will just take probably 2 of them).

 

[Defenestration]

Ouais… je viens de commander du Meto parce que, après cet échange, je suis encore plus convaincu que ma situation est désespérée et que je dois m'assurer que ma préparation soit aussi proche que possible de la PPh (à l'exception de la quantité de Diazépam recommandée, dont je prendrai probablement deux comprimés).

I have also météo but in several countries hard to hàve

 

[CatLvr]

I only called a suicide hotline once,
the man said he did not know what to say about it and hung up the phone

I had a similar experience. Didn't hang up on me but kept saying I needed to drive myself to an ER and tell them to commit me and NEVER let me out. I actually think it would have been better for me if he had just hung up on me. I cannot tell you how many nights I laid in bed and heard that man's voice over and over telling me no one could help me, and I needed to be kept in a place where I couldn't hurt myself.

 

[nitrogenous]

I have also météo but in several countries hard to hàve

It is very hard to be prescribed hence why I'm ordering it online (got the website from searching on the forum). The only downside is that I heard it takes a month for it to be shipped and now I'm stressing as some people say that meto gave them awful side effects. I have ondansetron with me, but I heard they work on different receptors and I really can't risk vomiting my SN and failing.

I had a similar experience. Didn't hang up on me but kept saying I needed to drive myself to an ER and tell them to commit me and NEVER let me out. I actually think it would have been better for me if he had just hung up on me. I cannot tell you how many nights I laid in bed and heard that man's voice over and over telling me no one could help me, and I needed to be kept in a place where I couldn't hurt myself.

I'm so so sorry you had that experience. Mine is similar, except it comes from my medical professionals—they all told me how they don't know how to help me anymore and don't know what to do. When I told them my only way out is to die, they told me "it's your choice"…

 

[CatLvr]

I'm so so sorry you had that experience. Mine is similar, except it comes from my medical professionals—they all told me how they don't know how to help me anymore and don't know what to do. When I told them my only way out is to die, they told me "it's your choice"…

OMGosh! That had to be heart-breaking. I mean I KNOW that there is only so much the medical professionals can do but I will never understand how they can look someone who is clearly in pain, and suffering, and then just kinda shrug their shoulders and say "Oh well ... Be sure and pay your co-pay. Next ..."

I am sincerely sorry that has happened to you. Honestly, I think there are an awful lot of people like us here. It is a really sad thing to contemplate. (As I sit here listening to Ozzy sing "No More Tears"! Go ahead and tell me the other side doesn't give us signs ALL the time!! I will NEVER believe you! )

 

[Codename_Joryu]

I once called crisis line when I had a mental breakdown and no one even picked up lmao. Don't worry too much about it, all of these mental help programs are useless as shit and ran by incompetent people that can't help anyone.

 

[Defenestration]

It is very hard to be prescribed hence why I'm ordering it online (got the website from searching on the forum). The only downside is that I heard it takes a month for it to be shipped and now I'm stressing as some people say that meto gave them awful side effects. I have ondansetron with me, but I heard they work on different receptors and I really can't risk vomiting my SN and failing.


I'm so so sorry you had that experience. Mine is similar, except it comes from my medical professionals—they all told me how they don't know how to help me anymore and don't know what to do. When I told them my only way out is to die, they told me "it's your choice"…

My doctor prescribed it for me, but in June 2027, it was expired

 

[nitrogenous]

OMGosh! That had to be heart-breaking. I mean I KNOW that there is only so much the medical professionals can do but I will never understand how they can look someone who is clearly in pain, and suffering, and then just kinda shrug their shoulders and say "Oh well ... Be sure and pay your co-pay. Next ..."

I am sincerely sorry that has happened to you. Honestly, I think there are an awful lot of people like us here. It is a really sad thing to contemplate. (As I sit here listening to Ozzy sing "No More Tears"! Go ahead and tell me the other side doesn't give us signs ALL the time!! I will NEVER believe you! )

Thank you for the reply and yes, I really hate how those so called professionals keep on emphasising to me how I have the choice to end my life and keep on asking me every session with a demeaning voice as to why I haven't done it (ctb) if I really wanted to die, as if I have to prove it to them that I'm really suffering by acting on the thoughts and plans. :( They deffo have treated me way worse when I was struggling financially, emphasising every session how they can't continue working with me and being concerned on how they're going to be paid (although I always ended up paying everything on time) and told me how financial struggles are not related at all to mental health issues (when obviously back then it did lead me to finally attempt suicide). I wish they have more compassion and can try being on my spot!! Like thanks for telling me I'm a survivor and I'm resilient but I'm tired of surviving by myself and getting out of everything by myself. I want to thrive and actually live

I once called crisis line when I had a mental breakdown and no one even picked up lmao. Don't worry too much about it, all of these mental help programs are useless as shit and ran by incompetent people that can't help anyone.

That's sooooo classic honestly there has been sooo many times I just gave up calling them cause being put on 2 hours were just not it ugh. Sorry you also experienced how broken the system is :/

My doctor prescribed it for me, but in June 2027, it was expired

I wonder if the efficacy drops down after it expires, I think that's probably something worth searching for cause otherwise it seems like it puts a pressure on you timeline wise and that's a horrible feeling :(

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

I'm sorry you had that experience. Suicide hotlines are mostly terrible and usually staffed with volunteers or untrained workers. The only time I ever called the hotline I got told to call my therapist. That isn't even something that I was able to do because I didn't have her personal phone number!

 

[meddle]

shit, thats tough... its one thing when its just you thinking that your situation is beyond desperate. but its another think when the so called professionals act this way or even tell you that you are beyond saving, when you get proof that the situation is really hopeless. adds the whole new level of suffering and despair im so sorry it happened

 

[violetforever]

I even got a crisis safe space (alternative to the emergency) to ban and physically removed me from the place because I "purposefully tried to destabilise the worker's mental health through my story". Like wtf is that? Isn't that basically saying how my life is sooo painful that it even triggered professionals?

and yet theres no decency to have peaceful methods available. they are basically saying you are beyond help and that help wont be possible. how do they expect you to react to that? im so sorry you had this experience. this world actually makes me sick. a world built to make people suffer and then when they cant take it anymore, they suffer more in ending their lives.

 

[meddle]

and told me how financial struggles are not related at all to mental health issues (when obviously back then it did lead me to finally attempt suicide).

im sorry if its rude, but are they imbeciles? its so damn obvious that living conditions have so much influence on mental health... its not a rocket science, lol

 

[Macedonian1987]

I forgot to tell you this. In my country a suicidal person who needed someone to talk to because he was so lonely. He called this line every day, sometimes even 2 times in one day and the woman who picked up the phone one day out of anger said to him: go jump under a bus or something, just stop bothering me. And she slammed the phone on him.

 

[nitrogenous]

I'm sorry you had that experience. Suicide hotlines are mostly terrible and usually staffed with volunteers or untrained workers. The only time I ever called the hotline I got told to call my therapist. That isn't even something that I was able to do because I didn't have her personal phone number!

I'm sorry you also had that experience. That is so fucking dumb of them considering how most people wouldn't have their therapist phone number due to confidentiality etc and plus what did they expect the therapist to do anyways? They're literally being so obvious on just trying to shift the blame on someone else, it's so messed up.

shit, thats tough... its one thing when its just you thinking that your situation is beyond desperate. but its another think when the so called professionals act this way or even tell you that you are beyond saving, when you get proof that the situation is really hopeless. adds the whole new level of suffering and despair im so sorry it happened

That's the thing though, it's like they are reiterating and making it obvious to me that I can no longer be helped. I often get the words "how are you still alive?" as well like…???? sorry my attempts in the past have failed I'll try to do better and succeed next time I guess

and yet theres no decency to have peaceful methods available. they are basically saying you are beyond help and that help wont be possible. how do they expect you to react to that? im so sorry you had this experience. this world actually makes me sick. a world built to make people suffer and then when they cant take it anymore, they suffer more in ending their lives.

Exactly! I'm so mad N has been put as illegal and basically unobtainable, making lots of people have to do things that would more likely harm them than actually succeeding and ending up being a vegetable for the rest of their life. It's so unfair and I truly think unless they've been through similar situations, they all don't understand how much it takes to not act on the thoughts every day. And plus, not to mention the fact that often times failing the attempt results in the medical professionals to dismiss you ("if you truly wanted to die you wouldn't have attempted this way" etc…)

im sorry if its rude, but are they imbeciles? its so damn obvious that living conditions have so much influence on mental health... its not a rocket science, lol

I can't disagree with you honestly, I swear there's something wrong with them. My take is that my psychiatrist is rich enough to not understand the impact of financial instability, yet poor enough to worry about getting paid and refusing care if he thinks the patient has some possibility of not being able to pay in the future regardless of the fact that the patient has always paid on time.

 

[meddle]

I can't disagree with you honestly, I swear there's something wrong with them. My take is that my psychiatrist is rich enough to not understand the impact of financial instability, yet poor enough to worry about getting paid and refusing care if he thinks the patient has some possibility of not being able to pay in the future regardless of the fact that the patient has always paid on time.

your psychiatrist is an unempathic piece of shit if you genuinely care only about getting paid, well, then at least try to hide it more proficient...