Venting cringe and lonely

[nails]

i ruin everything. my loneliness is my fault. i worried everyone constantly with my shitty ctb plans and that stupid, impulsive attempt last year and now everything is ruined. i regret ever even venting. i felt better in the moment, but now i'm so much worse. it's not like i worried anyone on purpose, i did what i would want people to do for me, and even what was requested of me later on: i talked about my plans to ctb/told them before my attempt. i never planned on being alive today, i should've died years ago like i had originally planned. no one takes me seriously anymore and they don't care. i've driven everyone away. once i die, i'll just be a shitty memory for everyone. i've cemented myself in all of my friend's brains as some stupid, corny, edgelord who just worried everyone for no reason. i doubt anyone will care after i ctb. i've basically been teasing this shit for years now, it's not interesting anymore.

 

[Jadeith]

i ruin everything. my loneliness is my fault.

Or is it really? From what you wrote, it seems to me you didn't ruin anything. It's that your surroundings ruined it for you. You were expected to talk about your problems, about how you feel and give clear warnings that if things continue, you will leave. Permanently. You didn't do it "for likes" or to uphold certain image. It was (and still is) how you feel. But, instead of helping you, your surroundings failed to pull their heads out of their arses and they made it all about them - you worried THEM, you made THEM uncomfortable, possibly you made THEM feel unworthy since your state suggested that THEY failed to provide you support you require. So, THEY decided to drive you into so much guilt that it (hopefully for them) prevent you from leaving on your own terms.