craving male validation

[annoyed]

if a guy is seemingly proud of me or compliments me and praises me, i get a "high" and i obsess over it. if a guy gets upset at me or makes a joke that pokes at my sensitivity and self esteem i internalize his words, his tone of voice, etc. for hours to days, leaving me bedrotten, where i ruminate on it, feeling like i deserve nothing more, and it's my fault that he is disappointed in me (which eerily makes it feel good to be upset about it.) when it fluctuates, i get scared and confused, always skeptical that i'm saying the wrong thing or not doing enough to get an outward reaction from him, try to avoid communication and hope that another guy comes to pick up the pieces. i try to incorporate this feeling into a kink so i can maybe differentiate the feeling from both situations, but it's really done nothing but make me addicted to wanting men to use me, degrade me, whatever else they want.

i wish i had a partner to love so i wouldn't rely on random men to fill the obsession. i try not to look for men but i always find myself on chat sites and dating apps hoping a guy will want to use me again longterm.

i want to be past the point of blaming my childhood trauma for things, including this matter, but i can't pinpoint another reason to feel like men matter so much to me. i also feel like my sexuality represents my childhood trauma. i haven't come to terms with anything that has happened to me as a kid, and as an adult i'm desperately scrounging for mediums to give me an inch of satisfaction, as everyday for the past year i've been mentally tormented, the most trivial thing such as male validation could get me through a couple more years.

maybe i'm alone in this, which is fine. it's a vent post so

 

[Greasyhair]

I am the same expect genders are flipped. I used following joke often with my friends: "Boys, tonight is good day, the cashier smiled at me."

 

[ovaltinee99]

It's a good thing you're aware of it, but that's a dangerous situation to be in. There are people who will not think twice about using you for their own gain which could leave you further worse - please remember this.

I suggest you attempt to heal or improve this issue with a good therapist. You are definitely not alone. More women than you think are wired to seek male validation for basic biological reasons (mixed with personal trauma), but a lot of them just don't realise this. It manifests differently in different people. The fact that you know you have a tendency to do this helps - hopefully you realise when it happens and pause and take yourself out of harmful situations.

 

[annoyed]

More women than you think are wired to seek male validation for basic biological reasons (mixed with personal trauma), but a lot of them just don't realise this.

I'm not a woman, so it makes it hard due to the fact that homosexuality isn't that common in my area, which leads me to fixating on whatever I can get, mainly online. Even "straight" men get a kick out of using me and sometimes take it even further and tease and toy with me, in private conversations no less, KNOWING that I'm gay and using choice words for a reaction, or not taking my feelings into accountability. And when I'm left overthinking the interaction they've probably adjusted their thoughts to a girl they like or something other than me. It hurts a lot because I just want a guy to actually want to spend time with me, I've never been in a relationship and my experience with all men has been very bleak, being gay also makes me feel subhuman but that's for a different topic. I think the hope I have is going to hurt me soon in many ways.

Also sorry I should've said I was gay for context I think.

Sorry you're not like my therapist or anything I don't know why I'm pouring this all out to you. What the fuck am I doing actually this all feels so embarrassing

 

[JesiBel]

That behavior is dangerous. There are always people who will try to take advantage of you or hurt you. It's not good to mold yourself to others' liking.

Many people like to feel superior or have power over a more vulnerable person they can manipulate. Believe me, you'll only attract people with bad intentions.

Your value as a person must be established by yourself and not by anyone else.

Be careful. You must set limits.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

You are agreeable and compassionate, monsters are attracted to those they can control. If you are aware, start to respect yourself and stop doing what you are as soon as possible.

The online idiots that hate actual cures like EMDR therapy and a group of good friends push out getting abused verbally/sexually as a means to reclaim control, I say to hell with that, it might seem like you are reclaiming control but what you are doing is just dehumanizing yourself further and losing yourself bit by bit.

Unfortunately escapism of every possible kind like you described to music, games, daydreaming, food, scenery, books, etc. is pushed as a "cure" when it reality it's just delaying the inevitable. And the most frustrating thing is, the frustrating thing that triumphs it all is that none of it EVER helped you, as someone else said, in your specific case you are ALSO BEING USED and these people won't mourn for you when you die, they'll just look for their next victim. I hate (these types) of m3n.