cherrybubblegum
here and there
- Nov 23, 2022
- 14
cptsd is so exhausting sometimes
TLDR: Mental health feels like a full time job and I am burnt out (again). Just want to know that I'll be able to pull through.
mental health sometimes feels like such a wide spanning part of my life. it's hard to stay grounded even after a year of being in treatment.
the mood swings are awful. i posted here a week ago about how good i felt and i'm here again to say that i am grieving. i'm grieving the pain that life has put me through. i'm grieving the weight i feel i have to carry now. i'm grieving the mistreatment i've experienced from the people in my life.
it's hard to feel like true healing is possible. to have the energy to get to a point where i can coexist with my mental health. but the triggers hurt so bad and i'm tired of hitting rock bottom.
i have so many lovely friends, a supportive family, and my life is objectively so good. but my mental health feels like a wet blanket i cannot get out of and each month i grow more and more tired of keeping up with it.
i am doing good to myself for myself. i'm doing everything my therapist told me to. i am trying all my coping skillls but i shake falling asleep at night knowing that i won't be able to control being traumatized by my dreams.
i had a friend who passed almost four years ago due to suicide and i envy her everyday.
i prided myself on my forwardness. the tangibility of my dreams. and how much i have been able to accomplish, but no one will ever know truly how tired i am of pulling the covers off of my body, how scared i am to leave my apartment, and how exhausting it is to pretend i have the energy to be normal and not to fall into self abuse.
i wish i could see the end of it. to know that one day i'll be okay and loved and happy and that i can feel like i truly feel belonging within myself. then in comes the shame and the guilt. it's unsustainable and i feel cursed.
TLDR: Mental health feels like a full time job and I am burnt out (again). Just want to know that I'll be able to pull through.
mental health sometimes feels like such a wide spanning part of my life. it's hard to stay grounded even after a year of being in treatment.
the mood swings are awful. i posted here a week ago about how good i felt and i'm here again to say that i am grieving. i'm grieving the pain that life has put me through. i'm grieving the weight i feel i have to carry now. i'm grieving the mistreatment i've experienced from the people in my life.
it's hard to feel like true healing is possible. to have the energy to get to a point where i can coexist with my mental health. but the triggers hurt so bad and i'm tired of hitting rock bottom.
i have so many lovely friends, a supportive family, and my life is objectively so good. but my mental health feels like a wet blanket i cannot get out of and each month i grow more and more tired of keeping up with it.
i am doing good to myself for myself. i'm doing everything my therapist told me to. i am trying all my coping skillls but i shake falling asleep at night knowing that i won't be able to control being traumatized by my dreams.
i had a friend who passed almost four years ago due to suicide and i envy her everyday.
i prided myself on my forwardness. the tangibility of my dreams. and how much i have been able to accomplish, but no one will ever know truly how tired i am of pulling the covers off of my body, how scared i am to leave my apartment, and how exhausting it is to pretend i have the energy to be normal and not to fall into self abuse.
i wish i could see the end of it. to know that one day i'll be okay and loved and happy and that i can feel like i truly feel belonging within myself. then in comes the shame and the guilt. it's unsustainable and i feel cursed.
