NSFW Coward

[That one weird girl]

I feel like a fucking coward. It's the middle of the night and I really want to hurt myself. I can't stop thinking about how much i fucking hate myself. My boyfriend is fast asleep and I'm supposed to be as well but I can't sleep. All can do is stay up and hate myself. This will never fucking end.

I have to get up tomorrow morning and I'm just making everything worse for myself. I'm currently sitting in the kitchen with a small knife that I just sharpened and I tried to cut my leg but I got light headed when I tried to break the skin. I'm the biggest fucking coward. I can't bring myself to do it even though I really want to. I want to punish my ugly, disgusting, stupid shell of a body. I hate myself and everything that I am. I should never have been born. I'm just taking up space. I will never grow to be someone important.

I will forever just waste away.

 

[Lynx.]

I understand how you feel. My thoughts and suicidal ideations usually spiral when I'm the only one not being able to sleep - which happens almost every night. The urge to do something drastic kicks in, yet somehow I always pass the night without doing anything at all.

At this point I'm just passing by existence - rather than doing something with it.

Many hugs to you.

 

[That one weird girl]

I understand how you feel. My thoughts and suicidal ideations usually spiral when I'm the only one not being able to sleep - which happens almost every night. The urge to do something drastic kicks in, yet somehow I always pass the night without doing anything at all.

At this point I'm just passing by existence - rather than doing something with it.

Many hugs to you.

Many hugs to you as well. Thank you for telling me about this I can't say I feel better but at least I don't feel alone

 

[Jamesun]

I feel the same, it's horrible at night I just can't sleep and so many horrible thoughts come to my mind but I'm never able to.
I hope you can get through all this

 

[SlowlyFalling]

I definitely understand your feeling like a waste and a coward. The only thing that's kept me from ctb is that I'm a coward. Nights are also my worst time. I end up staying up till 5 or 6 in the morning, hating myself, wishing I could finally get it over with. From your post, I'm guessing you're new to sh? If that's the case, I should mention that, although cutting is definitely one of the more publicized methods, it's not for everyone. I, for example, prefer blunt force injuries: punching, hitting my limbs/ head against hard objects, etc. I find this kind of almost impulsive action where I let my self loathing take over its a lot easier than something that feels more planned. Idk if this helps, and if you're not new to sh, and are just going through some trouble, then I'm not sure what would help. Sorry to hear your feeling like that, but I hope it helps to know you're not alone.