immrw
Member
- Jan 22, 2023
- 82
Caught COVID in October and haven't been the same since. Chest pains, difficulty breathing, extreme fatigue. I haven't gone to a doctor yet to assess my condition, but I know my heart isn't doing well. My resting heart rate jumped from 60bpm pre-infection to 85bpm post-infection. I can barely walk 10 minutes and stairs damn near kill me. It's been three months and really no improvement.
I've attempted CTB in the past, and started on a new "healing" journey. Now, though, I'm losing my steam. I know another infection might mean cardiac arrest or being put on a ventilator. I've been masking, but even in a progressive city, no one else around me does. I'm honestly getting very suicidal again.
I hate this back and forth between wanting to act like everyone else around me and knowing that catching it again won't be just a flu for me. I'm passing up on opportunities to possibly make friends because I don't want to be in a crowded restaurant, gym, or museum. I'm supposed to give a research talk at a conference, but it scares the shit out of me knowing I'll be in a room with 75 people, unmasked, for 5+ hours.
At what point do I just accept my life is over now. I can't go back to my life before COVID, it might literally kill me. Can't I just speed the process up and CTB? No one around me understands. They think I'm exaggerating. I feel so alone. Even the people who "care" about me don't care enough to validate my experience. I'm 23 but I think it's just time to call it quits.
I've attempted CTB in the past, and started on a new "healing" journey. Now, though, I'm losing my steam. I know another infection might mean cardiac arrest or being put on a ventilator. I've been masking, but even in a progressive city, no one else around me does. I'm honestly getting very suicidal again.
I hate this back and forth between wanting to act like everyone else around me and knowing that catching it again won't be just a flu for me. I'm passing up on opportunities to possibly make friends because I don't want to be in a crowded restaurant, gym, or museum. I'm supposed to give a research talk at a conference, but it scares the shit out of me knowing I'll be in a room with 75 people, unmasked, for 5+ hours.
At what point do I just accept my life is over now. I can't go back to my life before COVID, it might literally kill me. Can't I just speed the process up and CTB? No one around me understands. They think I'm exaggerating. I feel so alone. Even the people who "care" about me don't care enough to validate my experience. I'm 23 but I think it's just time to call it quits.