15dec
ember in the dark
- Dec 7, 2018
- 1,550
I've never really been able to talk about this in detail, but this seems like a perfect place to talk about it.
Two of my cousins ctb, one before I was born (I'll call him K) and the other two years ago (I'll call her A). It bothers me for a lot of reasons and it's mostly how my family (and the police who found K) have responded to their deaths. I feel as if they were oversimplified and disregarded their reasons for deciding to ctb. Both K and A used hanging.
Whenever someone mentions K, they say he did it because his girlfriend broke up with him and that he regretted it. When I ask how they could know he regretted it they say it's because the police told them that his hands were around the rope. I don't think it's right that his ex was blamed so much -she probably feels an immeasurable amount of guilt to this day. I also don't understand how the police could tell my family he regretted it: surely that increases the heartache to think that K changed his mind and there was nothing anyone could do to save him in the end. Personally, I think it would be better to think a loved one didn't regret the decision.
When A ctb, her ex was primarily blamed. I know he isn't a particularly nice person, but the general viewpoint was "he told her to do she did". In my opinion it's an oversimplification of what A went through. My family seem more accepting of other difficulties in A's life now, but they still blame her ex a lot. I don't know if he said anything to her before she ctb or not, but I know A wouldn't have let one cruel comment be the end of her life and leave her kids behind because of it.
I feel like K and A both had problems in their lives that my family didn't understand, or didn't realise the severity of. I don't want to villainise my family but I wish they would view K and A's suicides A's complex decisions, rather than impulsive ones made due to other people. They even view my previous attempts as being impulsive acts I made due to others, which is certainly an oversimplification of my mental state.
Like I already said, K and A both hung themselves. And hanging yourself isn't easy, you need to know how to tie a noose properly and make sure your rope is strong enough, obviously. I doubt either of them magically knew how to do it right, first try. I'm sure they must have had at least a little awareness on how they would ctb, and it must have been something they pondered for weeks, months or even years before carrying it out. I guess I'm frustrated, really -I feel like they both struggled in life, and really couldn't cope for a number of reasons, and ultimately decided suicide was for the best. I don't like how their hardships have seemingly been reduced to singular events and people making them want to ctb.
I'm also scared that when I ctb, my family will blame certain people or claim I did it impulsively because of one bad event. I want my struggle to be recognised and acknowledged, as I want K and A's to be as well. We may never know what went through their minds leading to their suicides but at the very least, it's incredibly unlikely a single event or person made them ctb.
Two of my cousins ctb, one before I was born (I'll call him K) and the other two years ago (I'll call her A). It bothers me for a lot of reasons and it's mostly how my family (and the police who found K) have responded to their deaths. I feel as if they were oversimplified and disregarded their reasons for deciding to ctb. Both K and A used hanging.
Whenever someone mentions K, they say he did it because his girlfriend broke up with him and that he regretted it. When I ask how they could know he regretted it they say it's because the police told them that his hands were around the rope. I don't think it's right that his ex was blamed so much -she probably feels an immeasurable amount of guilt to this day. I also don't understand how the police could tell my family he regretted it: surely that increases the heartache to think that K changed his mind and there was nothing anyone could do to save him in the end. Personally, I think it would be better to think a loved one didn't regret the decision.
When A ctb, her ex was primarily blamed. I know he isn't a particularly nice person, but the general viewpoint was "he told her to do she did". In my opinion it's an oversimplification of what A went through. My family seem more accepting of other difficulties in A's life now, but they still blame her ex a lot. I don't know if he said anything to her before she ctb or not, but I know A wouldn't have let one cruel comment be the end of her life and leave her kids behind because of it.
I feel like K and A both had problems in their lives that my family didn't understand, or didn't realise the severity of. I don't want to villainise my family but I wish they would view K and A's suicides A's complex decisions, rather than impulsive ones made due to other people. They even view my previous attempts as being impulsive acts I made due to others, which is certainly an oversimplification of my mental state.
Like I already said, K and A both hung themselves. And hanging yourself isn't easy, you need to know how to tie a noose properly and make sure your rope is strong enough, obviously. I doubt either of them magically knew how to do it right, first try. I'm sure they must have had at least a little awareness on how they would ctb, and it must have been something they pondered for weeks, months or even years before carrying it out. I guess I'm frustrated, really -I feel like they both struggled in life, and really couldn't cope for a number of reasons, and ultimately decided suicide was for the best. I don't like how their hardships have seemingly been reduced to singular events and people making them want to ctb.
I'm also scared that when I ctb, my family will blame certain people or claim I did it impulsively because of one bad event. I want my struggle to be recognised and acknowledged, as I want K and A's to be as well. We may never know what went through their minds leading to their suicides but at the very least, it's incredibly unlikely a single event or person made them ctb.
