Howdy!
Well, I can say after 2 attempts, the last one got me a very long hospital stay and I had to fight the court system against a civil commitment and also 66, mention this aspect only because of life experiences, and I am NOT prolife nor pro ctb, just always want the best decision possible.
Ctb is not going anywhere ever and one and done no 2nd thoughts ever. I also have massive depression, BPD, heck everything I also look at that you just joined everyone here, a very smart move, everyone here has been so kind, caring and supportive to me, just wonderful! that take some time, be with everyone here, get a sense of not only yourself but how you effect the world in general. That last aspect of effecting the world is I bet a huge positive not only for yourself but folks around you, even if it is not instantly apparent.
One thing is please, for folks on here, do not "jump" on me as "prolife" as I am not at all. BUT after all these decades on this planet I have through life experience, many ups and downs, learned, especially after the 2nd attempt, to try my best to see the whole picture and not just a slice of it.
All my best to you, as you are a very kind and caring soul, your post, I reread it several times, made those aspects perfectly clear to me.
All my best to you and sending you lots of hugs, smiles and beautiful sunny weather to enjoy.
Walter
PS, yep real 1st name