Venting Could you be happy if someone really saw you?

[bedhead_baby]

Kind of venting, kind of discussing.

CTB is always in the back of my mind, and very often front and center. But what makes it very clear to me that it's a "when" and not an "if" is all the comments I see/hear online and off. Those that dismiss any and all pain and struggles.

It's always "get over it, life is hard."
Suicidal? Life is hard.
Physical pain? Life is hard.
Being bullied? Don't know how to be healthy? Job is draining? Lonely? Life is hard, and a big shrug. Or worse, "I've had that happen, on top of xyz and I'm doing fine," and another big shrug. Not an ear shared.

I don't need someone to baby me, but it absolutely kills me inside that no one wants to hold out a hand, or simply acknowledge, anyone else. People only want to be better than you, and when you stand there, emotionally naked, and tell someone everything hurts and you want to die, it's just another opportunity for someone to step on you and pretend they're better or stronger or whatever. That they have it worse.

I don't think I'm ugly or unworthy of life (both very silly and nonsensical concepts to me), nor do I think I'm bad at my job or at being a person, but knowing that so many others view me as not only worthless, but deserving of death for whatever silly or bigoted reason, makes every step forward I take incredibly painful and pointless.

So I can't help but wonder, what if someone would just say "I see you. I see how much you hurt. I see that it's real." Would I still want to die? I believe so, but seeing the 1 out of 10,000 people and comments say "I see you" takes one little tiny stone off my back, and makes me think maybe there was a way I could've been happy in this life if I'd been taught to brush it all off. But at the same time, those words almost make me want to drop dead then and there, but in a good way. Like I've achieved my purpose and I can just stop existing now.

But why? Why do people have to dismiss every single pain and worry and struggle imaginable and prove that they're "better"? Or insist you could do it but you aren't trying hard enough?

Do you think you could have a glint of happiness in this life if there wasn't a huge portion of people chanting "get over it"?

Sorry for the word soup, but I want to hear what you guys think.

 

[StolenLife]

I get what you're saying. When someone acknowledges our pain it feels like we are getting closure in a sense. Though personally I'd still want to die even if people acknowledged my pain because I don't want to go on if the huge problems I have aren't solved. As for why people act better than you if you confess suicidal thoughts, I think it's out of shock. I'm not defending prolifers, but some of them have good intentions and simply don't know how to react besides empty words and platitudes. It's important to remember that most people fear death and therefore don't want to talk about it, so they react out of fear. But I agree with you in a sense that I don't want my pain to be compared and I honestly have zero tolerance for suffering at all. All in all, I think it's a coping mechanism rooted in denial.

 

[God_Emperor_of_Rome]

, but knowing that so many others view me as not only worthless, but deserving of death for whatever silly or bigoted reason,

Is this real or just in your head? Do people actually tell you that you are worthless and deserving of death?

 

[bedhead_baby]

Is this real or just in your head? Do people actually tell you that you are worthless and deserving of death?

It is both. I do get told I deserve to die or suffer or many other very grossly creative things, and that amplifies the silly voice in my head.

 

[God_Emperor_of_Rome]

I do get told I deserve to die or suffer or

Is there a reason for it? In my experience people are usually indifferent and mind their own business. Unless they are personally involved with you, like family or bf etc. If some people tell you that you are worthless or deserve to die, am I right in presuming that they are family, especially parents

 

[bloodblacknothing]

i feel the same way. if i could turn off the parts of my brain that are constantly drowning in poisonous neurodegenerative thoughts, i would; if i could just plug my ears and blind my eyes to the abuse i suffer through daily, i would; if i could just erase the lifelong pain of being told that i "like being pitied" after attempting suicide, i would. boiling down a person's entire sensory experience into a hurdle that they could simply just "get over" or shrug off is... irresponsibly ignorant, to say the least.

i feel similarly about seemingly performative "you're so strong, you're not alone, etc." remarks, but i understand that people who say things like that often are genuinely trying to be comforting, so i just try to let the brief feeling of discontent roll over me.

in my case, i think it's too late for a respectful acknowledgement of my issues to have an effect on me, but i do think a pivot towards acknowledgment and understanding like that would be a net positive.

 

[Aisley]

I have people in my life that See me. Really good, observant people who think in their downtime. And it's actually unnerving to be seen, and read in those moments. They're wondeful, and make some moments better, but they don't make me want to live.

 

[bedhead_baby]

Is there a reason for it? In my experience people are usually indifferent and mind their own business. Unless they are personally involved with you, like family or bf etc. If some people tell you that you are worthless or deserve to die, am I right in presuming that they are family, especially parents

No, luckily despite some resentment I have for how I was raised, my parents have always tried to be kind. It's primarily online interactions, which I'm aware don't entirely reflect real life, but the impact is all the same. Though I have been bullied in real life as well, typically by (most likely inebriated) strangers and shitty teens on my bike ride to work. I have received death threats that way and been called ugly or a whore (why? idk) that way, or been screamed at or flipped off as a prank I guess. I don't have a partner or friends, so this is all I see 24/7 really. But even if I didn't, I'd know it's there, and I believe more people would rather me not be here than to stay. But how much of that is the weight of the world or the words in my head, I don't know. There's other stuff as well, that reason is just what bounces in my brain the most.

i feel the same way. if i could turn off the parts of my brain that are constantly drowning in poisonous neurodegenerative thoughts, i would; if i could just plug my ears and blind my eyes to the abuse i suffer through daily, i would; if i could just erase the lifelong pain of being told that i "like being pitied" after attempting suicide, i would. boiling down a person's entire sensory experience into a hurdle that they could simply just "get over" or shrug off is... irresponsibly ignorant, to say the least.

i feel similarly about seemingly performative "you're so strong, you're not alone, etc." remarks, but i understand that people who say things like that often are genuinely trying to be comforting, so i just try to let the brief feeling of discontent roll over me.

in my case, i think it's too late for a respectful acknowledgement of my issues to have an effect on me, but i do think a pivot towards acknowledgment and understanding like that would be a net positive.

I don't know where my reply went, I don't usually actively participate in forums so I'm kind of computer illiterate despite being young.

But I'm sorry you've gone through that. Dismissing suicide attempt or successes as seeking "pity" is so infuriatingly ignorant and shitty. For what it's worth, I know that's not what it is.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's certainly so insensitive how many people believe that suicide is never a valid option and that people should continue to suffer no matter what, it's such a disgusting view to me as why should someone suffer so unnecessarily against their wishes when they wish to leave.

None of us are obligated to continue enduring this existence we were burdened with in the first place, it's always a personal decision deciding when to escape from all the suffering and it shouldn't matter what other people say. Not everyone wants to exist here and for many the only relief lies in death, I could personally never wish to endure existence.

 

[FadingSunshine]

I used to feel like this a year ago. All I wanted was someone to understand what I was feeling and be there for me. Now I feel more comfortable being alone in my struggle, I think partly because I lost faith that I would ever improve so I son't really care if I live or die anymore.

 

[lonelywander]

Kind of venting, kind of discussing.

CTB is always in the back of my mind, and very often front and center. But what makes it very clear to me that it's a "when" and not an "if" is all the comments I see/hear online and off. Those that dismiss any and all pain and struggles.

It's always "get over it, life is hard."
Suicidal? Life is hard.
Physical pain? Life is hard.
Being bullied? Don't know how to be healthy? Job is draining? Lonely? Life is hard, and a big shrug. Or worse, "I've had that happen, on top of xyz and I'm doing fine," and another big shrug. Not an ear shared.

I don't need someone to baby me, but it absolutely kills me inside that no one wants to hold out a hand, or simply acknowledge, anyone else. People only want to be better than you, and when you stand there, emotionally naked, and tell someone everything hurts and you want to die, it's just another opportunity for someone to step on you and pretend they're better or stronger or whatever. That they have it worse.

I don't think I'm ugly or unworthy of life (both very silly and nonsensical concepts to me), nor do I think I'm bad at my job or at being a person, but knowing that so many others view me as not only worthless, but deserving of death for whatever silly or bigoted reason, makes every step forward I take incredibly painful and pointless.

So I can't help but wonder, what if someone would just say "I see you. I see how much you hurt. I see that it's real." Would I still want to die? I believe so, but seeing the 1 out of 10,000 people and comments say "I see you" takes one little tiny stone off my back, and makes me think maybe there was a way I could've been happy in this life if I'd been taught to brush it all off. But at the same time, those words almost make me want to drop dead then and there, but in a good way. Like I've achieved my purpose and I can just stop existing now.

But why? Why do people have to dismiss every single pain and worry and struggle imaginable and prove that they're "better"? Or insist you could do it but you aren't trying hard enough?

Do you think you could have a glint of happiness in this life if there wasn't a huge portion of people chanting "get over it"?

Sorry for the word soup, but I want to hear what you guys think.

I hear/see you. I don't mean to sound patronizing, the word that comes to mind as I read yours is heartbreaking.
No easy answer or fix. Just acknowledgment. And sorrow for your pain.

To me it's certainly so insensitive how many people believe that suicide is never a valid option and that people should continue to suffer no matter what, it's such a disgusting view to me as why should someone suffer so unnecessarily against their wishes when they wish to leave.

None of us are obligated to continue enduring this existence we were burdened with in the first place, it's always a personal decision deciding when to escape from all the suffering and it shouldn't matter what other people say. Not everyone wants to exist here and for many the only relief lies in death, I could personally never wish to endure existence.

Hello. I've read several of your threads. You strongly advocate for death. We all have on this site at one time or another. I just don't know if death is going to solve all my problems. Or give me relief from my horrid pain. I'm sure you've heard this before. We tend to bring our problems with us.
I don't know if death is the end all, be all for the hell I'm in. But then, I believe I will exist eternally.