Venting Coping with growing up and becoming more and more aware.

[pochii]

I turned 19 and i know that it's not very old to a lot of people but growing up has always sucked and being an adult has never seemed good from anyone. It seems like the only time i was happy was when i didn't know anything and I was a little blond young boy. I never ever tell anyone except for one girl that's as like me a while ago about how i like to basically get into what's called little space when i am alone and act younger than i am and be that little boy again and color and draw and watch tv and not think about anything.

It helps but i can't help but always worry someone will find out and laugh at me and call me weird, not knowing i do this cause i am always thinking about my own existence and how i hate it so much that it really upsets me. I am not an angry person at all but i get so so so mad at myself. Idk if anyone here has ever taken part in little space as a sort of coping mechanism but for me it helps and doesn't help since it's liek i'm always looking behined my back to see if anyone is watching. No matter though it's when i feel the most calm and safe and will probably be what i'm doing when i ctb so that leave as my sweet little boy self i always wish to stay.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

Hello @pochii,
I'm so sorry that you ended up here but anyway welcome to this forum!
Personally I didn't have fear of growing up but becoming an adult is indeed scary - it comes with massive tsunami of responsibilities!

I have "little space" and even have an "imaginary friend."
I'm also chronically suicidal - because it's only way to dodge adult responsibilities. I don't think I can handle them.

Have you ever being laughed at by anybody? I think anyone who laughs at you because of your "little space", is immature.

I don't think I'm a responsible adult - I'm 36 and still living with parents. I once move out to live on my own, but then I had massive breakdown, lost my job and returned their home.

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

I get into little space too. I think it's a really lovely way to cope with all the horrors of the world. When I was young, despite even going through abuse, I was ignorant of a lot of suffering and just made fun, silliness, comfort, and kindness my life goals.

Returning to that mindset has been really healing to me, and has even allowed me to experience some things I missed out on due to being abused as a kid.

If I do end up CTBing I've also decided to do so in little space. My "adult self" is really more of a front I put up because it wouldn't be socially acceptable, or functional, to act like myself. I felt more at peace killing "the real me." The little girl who's still frightened and unable to handle the world around her being so cruel, and just wants to play pretend and be a magic princess.

People are certainly awful and judgemental about little space, but I think it's a beautiful thing to still be able to see the world through rose-tinted glasses even for just a moment, to have that child-like wonder and curiosity. I think childishness is humanity's purest form. A kid's imagination is untainted by so many things. They just create art and stories without worrying about copyright law, being derivative, tropes, expectations, or how profitable it'll be.

I like C.S. Lewis' quote:
"Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown-up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."

 

[DeathSleep]

I have a "happy place" in my mind that I go to that no one can take away from me. It helps me escape and cope with life.
I also like to color. They make a whole range of coloring books aimed at adults now because people are figuring out how therapeutic it is.
Adulting/life is hard and whatever helps you cope is valid.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I do my little space thing a lot.
I call it ,"being in my bubble."

 

[NoLightRemains]

I am a big fan of little space. It's probably my strongest and safest coping tool I use.
Being an adult is hard, I can't manage all the responsibilities and feel like a failure. Little space makes me feel less of a failure.

 

[BoredomSeeker]

I can absolutely relate to this. Whilst I don't have a "little space", I do have something similar in that I like to fantasize a lot, I often get really into it and will act out things in my room. I also really hope to never be seen doing this because most people probably would find it really weird.

 

[nil243]

For some reason reading this thread made me feel warm and cozy. Having coping mechanisms that make life more bearable is a good thing and shouldn't be looked down upon

 

[pochii]

Hello @pochii,
I'm so sorry that you ended up here but anyway welcome to this forum!
Personally I didn't have fear of growing up but becoming an adult is indeed scary - it comes with massive tsunami of responsibilities!

I have "little space" and even have an "imaginary friend."
I'm also chronically suicidal - because it's only way to dodge adult responsibilities. I don't think I can handle them.

Have you ever being laughed at by anybody? I think anyone who laughs at you because of your "little space", is immature.

I don't think I'm a responsible adult - I'm 36 and still living with parents. I once move out to live on my own, but then I had massive breakdown, lost my job and returned their home.

I'm really sorry to hear about you losing your job. I feel like living on your own would definitely be hard but I am glad you tried it :) Ya I've been laughed at plenty of times. It is why I don't do it anymore, I hide all signs of it and maybe when I'm completely alone ill slip into it at night for half an hour every few months. I am sorry I didn't reply for so long. I got so busy with college and boy does that suck. I recently have been in a summer class for game development, I thought I would like it but I don't.

For some reason reading this thread made me feel warm and cozy. Having coping mechanisms that make life more bearable is a good thing and shouldn't be looked down upon

I agree, I wish it wasn't.

I get into little space too. I think it's a really lovely way to cope with all the horrors of the world. When I was young, despite even going through abuse, I was ignorant of a lot of suffering and just made fun, silliness, comfort, and kindness my life goals.

Returning to that mindset has been really healing to me, and has even allowed me to experience some things I missed out on due to being abused as a kid.

If I do end up CTBing I've also decided to do so in little space. My "adult self" is really more of a front I put up because it wouldn't be socially acceptable, or functional, to act like myself. I felt more at peace killing "the real me." The little girl who's still frightened and unable to handle the world around her being so cruel, and just wants to play pretend and be a magic princess.

People are certainly awful and judgemental about little space, but I think it's a beautiful thing to still be able to see the world through rose-tinted glasses even for just a moment, to have that child-like wonder and curiosity. I think childishness is humanity's purest form. A kid's imagination is untainted by so many things. They just create art and stories without worrying about copyright law, being derivative, tropes, expectations, or how profitable it'll be.

I like C.S. Lewis' quote:
"Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown-up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."

Sorry for the late reply. That is a lovely quote :) I wish I could read better and it wasn't so hard. I often give up when reading. I as well would most likely ctb in my little space because deep down that's just who I am.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I'm really sorry to hear about you losing your job. I feel like living on your own would definitely be hard but I am glad you tried it :) Ya I've been laughed at plenty of times. It is why I don't do it anymore, I hide all signs of it and maybe when I'm completely alone ill slip into it at night for half an hour every few months. I am sorry I didn't reply for so long. I got so busy with college and boy does that suck. I recently have been in a summer class for game development, I thought I would like it but I don't.

Thanks for your reply
And I'm sorry that you don't enjoy game development class. If you are comfortable with, please tell me why you dislike it.
I used to love technology so much, but after that job loss, I lost all interest in it, and now I feel like a living dead...

I like C.S. Lewis' quote:
"Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown-up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."

This quote offers great insight - I know I'm still childish, want to be seen as an adult and I need to grow up. Thanks for sharing

 

[pochii]

I guess I have lost a lot of motivation. A lot of it is simply homework with set goals and set actions with stuff we are givin so there is no creativity but if there was im sure i wouldn't produce my best work. Alotta stuff just isn't feeling good and i'm not feeling good. I'm not even hungry anymore and eating makes me feel sick. My best friend was being petty and stopped talking to me as well and shit is just as it always is really. After these posts I did try to ctb in two ways but i can't cut that deep which frustrated me and have been failing to hang myself, specifically the kneeling kind. I'll try again soon when i have the energy but i'm so tired. This class i'm in is the last thing on my mind.