Arin
Member
- Jan 12, 2025
- 33
I'm so fucking sick of everything. I have no idea why I feel like this. I have NOTHING to be frightened of but I am constantly, NONSTOP in a goddamn state of fear. I'm just fucking constantly terrified of nothing in particular. I can be sitting in my room quietly watching YouTube on my phone, nothing threatening anywhere around me, but my FUCKING GODDAMN BRAIN makes it feel like I'm fighting for my life. It never bloody stops. It's the worst sort of dread, as if I'm anticipating the worst sort of horror that any human could possibly encounter, except nothing fucking happens and I'm trapped in this damned limbo-state of terror and anticipation and fright, and I KNOW IT'S IRRATIONAL but my FUCKING HEAD DOES IT ANYWAY. God, FUCK MY BRAIN. FUCK IT, FUCK OFF. Why the fuck am I so scared? What the fuck am I afraid of? I have no goddamn reason to feel like this, I'm not fucking scared but my FUCKING BRAIN makes me feel like I am. What the fuck is wrong with me. Why do I feel like this.
I'd understand it if it only happened in social settings, that'd be understandable, normal social anxiety. But this makes no sense. I don't know what my mind is afraid of. I don't WANT to be scared, I just am. It's a constantly sense of dread and fear and fright and I CAN'T FUCKING MAKE IT GO AWAY. It's so irrational I could laugh. My parents haven't hit me in more than a year so I know it couldn't be fear of physical violence, and I've been keeping my pretence of being fine and okay mentally very well-done, so it couldn't be fear of verbal abuse from them. I've been sick these past few weeks so I haven't been out of the house much, so it couldn't be fear of social interactions and stuff. I'm slightly stressed about deadlines and missed and overdue projects but since I'm planning to CTB soon I care less about that now since it's not going to matter when I'm dead. So WHAT FUCKING IS IT? Why am I scared? What the fuck is wrong with my head?
I'd understand it if it only happened in social settings, that'd be understandable, normal social anxiety. But this makes no sense. I don't know what my mind is afraid of. I don't WANT to be scared, I just am. It's a constantly sense of dread and fear and fright and I CAN'T FUCKING MAKE IT GO AWAY. It's so irrational I could laugh. My parents haven't hit me in more than a year so I know it couldn't be fear of physical violence, and I've been keeping my pretence of being fine and okay mentally very well-done, so it couldn't be fear of verbal abuse from them. I've been sick these past few weeks so I haven't been out of the house much, so it couldn't be fear of social interactions and stuff. I'm slightly stressed about deadlines and missed and overdue projects but since I'm planning to CTB soon I care less about that now since it's not going to matter when I'm dead. So WHAT FUCKING IS IT? Why am I scared? What the fuck is wrong with my head?
I feel the exact fuckin same way man. I've never felt so seen on here before
