I think I've had minor visual hallucinations most my life but it has intensified since (I think) 2019. Sometimes I can't hear my own thoughts over the distracting noise and voices. As I type right now I can hear a male voice echoing, a woman crying, hands on my shoulders and neck, a woman in a white dress in the corner, it never seems to stop, I'm on medication but it still happens. There's so much more going on but it's a bit triggering to type about, bugs appear and disappear too. So many things don't make sense but still happen, my TV is turning off an on but I don't even know where my remote is. Right now it's night time, which is more intense. I don't know what to do anymore, not many resources here seem to be for psychosis, but maybe it's for the best since I deserve suffering. I get tired of living this way, but it doesn't feel like there is anything I can do to help it. I have a therapist and psychiatrist but all they seem concerned with is depression and suicide. I don't want to live in a shell of my former self, experiencing disturbing occurrences like this, nightmares coming to life every day and night. Most days it gets exhausting and I don't like feeling my health slip when I'm only 21 years-old. I've been up all night, I don't know if I'm making any sense but I don't think anyone anywhere else would listen. I've seen and heard much violent imagery and it keeps replaying again, the same choking, the same slicing, I keep seeing dead or near-dead people, sometimes I feel I am attacked and injured, so I pray God can protect me. Please, does anyone know what I should do? I'm sorry if this isn't the right forum for this sort of thing but I don't have anyone who would understand and I don't trust hotlines anymore. Things are getting to be a bit too much so I will try to sleep off tonight. I hope no one else has these experiences.
I'm paranoid schizophrenic and I take medication (olanzapine) even though it has some of the worst side effects compared to any psychiatric medication I don't experience psychosis that often ( maybe 1 or 2 times a week ) make sure to stop smoking or taking recreational drugs if you do ,or maybe you can change the medication you're taking because it looks it didn't work for you
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