Venting Constant Invalidation because "Life used to be Harder"

[C:/]

I am part of gen Z (2005), and for the entirety of my teen years I have been told that my struggles are not valid and that it is a byproduct of the social climate of the late 2010's early 2020's. I've had to deal with an alcoholic and verbally abusive mother for majority of my life, and this lead to a bunch of problems with my self worth and mental issues later down the line. When I transferred into a new school my junior year of high school, I went from a school where I had friends, straight As, all of it to a place where I knew no-one and my grades dropped to barely passing. But because I am younger, all that is thrown out for me "caving into the pussy mentality of the new generation". wtf

The amount of mental anguish this brought to me, along with both of my parents constantly putting me down each morning and night to it led me down a path of inferiority. I felt (and still feel) like a genuine burden, and developed a pessimistic mindset along with starting to self isolate. I started cutting my wrists and thighs (sh warning), and felt like such a burden to everyone around me, whether that be mentally, physically, or financially, that I broke for a good year and a half. I went to CBT, got on anti-depressants, and now I am here.

This entire situation has been downplayed by mostly my parents and some shit on social media that says "Life used to be harder!" and to "stop being a pussy!". I have a job along with side hustles at 18, I start college next year and I feel like I'm not being a pussy. My parents are immigrants so they constantly put me down for living a relatively "easy life". I feel shitty 24/7 for being suicidal because I have been trained that it is selfish and I haven't felt real mental anguish because I am young. I don't get that. I've held a loaded gun up to my head at 16 because I felt like the world would be a better place without me (cliche I know), but because I am younger my life isn't as shitty as theirs? I don't get it.

From their perspective, I can see the reason why they think gen-z is "lazy". but what they fail to understand is that gen Z is 1997-2012, and not just teenagers. I wouldn't pin people who are at max 24 for having the same mindset as someone born in 2012. Shit is stupid.

 

[Daxter_87]

People tend to use extreme cases of suffering as a tactic of comparison. "Someone has it a lot worse than you, and therefore you have no right to complain". Such is the mindset. That's my problem with these extreme cases of suffering, they are generally just used to invalidate other people's suffering, because "it's milder suffering".

The truth is that all suffering (no matter how small it may seem) is absolutely unacceptable and unnecessary, and nobody should have to go through any of it, ever.

 

[Pluto]

I have seen the type of older person you are talking about. They are insanely toxic and aggressive towards young people on social media, easily triggered into a comments-section meltdown over political issues affecting the younger generation (cost-of-living, climate change, etc.). However, I find them to generally be warm, caring people in person, so long as those incendiary talking points are avoided.

Yes, they did have to work hard and there was little of today's technological luxuries back in the day. However, they usually had genuine communities which brought them a sense of belonging (no, Tik Tok is not a substitute), most people around them were geared towards loyalty and their life paths were smooth for the most part.

There were few of the psychological stressors that young people today face, including the many evils of social media: short attention spans, loss of community, loss of purpose, superficiality, unrealistic expectations, etc. Then again, most people of the elderly generation have spent many years being bombarded with fake outrage by manipulative right-wing media, which has given rise to their venomous online conduct and their inability to engage respectfully or empathically with young people.

It's very important to keep far away from toxic online environments, including all the culture wars and generation wars. They cannot be reasoned with. Conversely, you'll find yourself just as tough as them if you can find a decent social network and a worthwhile life purpose, which they generally took for granted all along.

 

[kindalone]

I'm 31 and my parents were just as shitty. Immigrant parents from a postwar economy, constant stories of unlivable conditions to dismiss my problems, constant criticism of my grades and behavior despite themselves acting like degenerates, father drank every night to the point of berating and bullying the whole family, violent and emotionally abusive behavior towards their children and to each other. But I couldn't thrive because to them I was lazy and soft. It seems like the cycle will continue with the next generations. I'm more than 10 years older than you and I relate to you so much.

From an older guy, who got fucked over by his parents' shitty behavior, if you don't necessarily plan on ctb yet, I suggest you to gain some independence slowly. Get a part time job so you can instill the confidence that you can support yourself without them. My parents always forbid me to get a job and I was financially dependent on them for so long. Be selfish. Focus on your grades but remember that they aren't a measure for your self-worth. They're just a tool to get what you want. If it doesn't pan out, it's not the sin your parents make it out to be. There are several ways to live happily. I don't know how trigger happy your parents are but try to give them as little fuel to criticize you. It'll give you a little peace between the periods they berate you for no reason. Not always effective with everyone. I got cussed out because I got my hair cut by the wrong barber once. I don't know your parents so I don't know what their triggers are. But it's good to minimize the emotional pain as much as possible until you are able to create some distance.

This is just off the top of my head. You are free to dismiss it of course. I think the last thing you need is another old guy telling you what to do or how the world works. You deserve to be loved and appreciated despite what you can do or how "hard" you are.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry what you have togo through. The expectations on "Gen-Z" are far too high, that's what's makes them "crazy". The expectations on me were high as well and I'm past Gen-Z since decades but I could find a way to be successful according to my understanding. However that failed and that's why I am here now. It's certainly not true that Gen-Z wants to live an easy life, they have different expectations for their lives and yet the social systems are not ready for that, the evolution developed far too fast for us humans to adapt to it in any case. And this is the actual problem our society has nowadays. I do not know how to solve it, unfortunanetly. I wish you all the best!

 

[brokeandbroken]

I am part of gen Z (2005), and for the entirety of my teen years I have been told that my struggles are not valid and that it is a byproduct of the social climate of the late 2010's early 2020's. I've had to deal with an alcoholic and verbally abusive mother for majority of my life, and this lead to a bunch of problems with my self worth and mental issues later down the line. When I transferred into a new school my junior year of high school, I went from a school where I had friends, straight As, all of it to a place where I knew no-one and my grades dropped to barely passing. But because I am younger, all that is thrown out for me "caving into the pussy mentality of the new generation". wtf

The amount of mental anguish this brought to me, along with both of my parents constantly putting me down each morning and night to it led me down a path of inferiority. I felt (and still feel) like a genuine burden, and developed a pessimistic mindset along with starting to self isolate. I started cutting my wrists and thighs (sh warning), and felt like such a burden to everyone around me, whether that be mentally, physically, or financially, that I broke for a good year and a half. I went to CBT, got on anti-depressants, and now I am here.

This entire situation has been downplayed by mostly my parents and some shit on social media that says "Life used to be harder!" and to "stop being a pussy!". I have a job along with side hustles at 18, I start college next year and I feel like I'm not being a pussy. My parents are immigrants so they constantly put me down for living a relatively "easy life". I feel shitty 24/7 for being suicidal because I have been trained that it is selfish and I haven't felt real mental anguish because I am young. I don't get that. I've held a loaded gun up to my head at 16 because I felt like the world would be a better place without me (cliche I know), but because I am younger my life isn't as shitty as theirs? I don't get it.

From their perspective, I can see the reason why they think gen-z is "lazy". but what they fail to understand is that gen Z is 1997-2012, and not just teenagers. I wouldn't pin people who are at max 24 for having the same mindset as someone born in 2012. Shit is stupid.

I don't think life used to be harder unless you mean 200 years ago and then it was harder to survive but a lot more simple. Life is just extremely complicated now. People also just have absolutely 0 compassion. If you say life is hard they'll just immediately point to Africa, China, or North Korea. With virtually no knowledge of what is going on there or actually doing about it. Simply put people have allowed themselves to be narcissistic. I've always been an individualist but always had compassion and was willing to help those who helped themselves. I never could understand why people didn't try in life. I do now. If you try and it doesn't go flawlessly you'll be left with nothing. No friends, no family, nothing. No one will give a shit. For the record I am 29, I was in literally medical school where I was the victim of crimes by the school and was forced out illegally. Who cares. No one. No one cares I am broke can barely afford to eat ramen every night, working a shitty job making medical equipment despite having a college degree as well, etc... No one IRL cares that I had potential, no cares about my debt, no cares if I live or die, no cares that my life is ruined/gone etc.... Simply put no one fucking cares.

So I can see why people growing up now and not getting love and just general support that was at least implied when I grew up have problems. I don't have any wisdom but I can empathize with you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I actually wonder if all generations do this to younger generations. My Dad did this to me. My Grandma did this to him- and me- she raised me as well.

To an extent- I can't deny they're right- in some ways at least. Many things have become easier. Still- I find most would say they wouldn't want to be young now. I think they DO realise it's a very different world now and they wouldn't know how to navigate through it- yet- weirdly- they expect their children to!

I don't know. I think my Dad feels a greater sense of obligation than I do. He's always doing things he hates (and complaining about them.) I suppose I only really feel obliged to even keep living for him. Beyond that now- I'm just treading water really. I guess I'm doing the bare minimum that's expected of me.

I wonder if we're just more cynical/ aware now. Like- why should we work our fingers to the bone in a wage slave job in order to make rich people richer? Maybe we're just more rebellious now.

Honestly though- it just baffles and infuriates me. Like- so you realised life was hard and unfair but you thought you'd have children anyway. Why suffer alone huh? If life TRULY was that bad for them- what on earth were they thinking inflicting that on us?!!

I'm so sorry though- I feel bad for your situation. It's a cliche but just know you can only do your best.

 

[FuneralCry]

The fact is that so many humans really are just too insensitive in this world, it's awful how humans invalidate suffering but it's just the reality of existing here. I think it's best to just take no notice of people like that, their opinions shouldn't matter as they cannot experience existence in the same way.

And I think that complaining about this existence we were cruelly burdened with will always be justified, hating existence will always be a valid way to feel even if other people have technically suffered more. This is because the reality is that existence is just a futile, pointless struggle anyway, there was never a need for life to be brought here in the first place, existence is just a meaningless consequence of selfish people deciding to procreate.

 

[Unending]

The people who tell you essentially that "Gen Z have it too easy and things used to be worse, therefore just deal with it," should definitely be disregarded if you can help it. One thing that unthoughtful people are good at doing is minimizing the struggles and suffering of others and that is what this phrase indicates. Life has always been hard and that includes now. Societies change and technology advances, but it isn't so black and white as being able to say that since we have morphine now, things are never torturous for anyone.

For example, even if technology advances much further and society becomes much less dysfunctional, experiencing severe childhood abuse or inheriting a chronic disease genetically will still put someone at a HUGE disadvantage to others. Otherwise, I'd argue that coming into the world now rather than back then probably sets one up to have a much different view of things. Maybe I'm wrong as my cognition is giving me problems and I'm only "half thinking" right now.

 

[Linda]

I was born in 1953. I don;t think that, overall, life was any harder in the past than it is now. Certainly, some of the challenges that existed in the past do not exist today, or are much reduced today. But the converse is also true: modern ways of living have create problems that did not used to exist.

 

[Unending]

I actually wonder if all generations do this to younger generations. My Dad did this to me. My Grandma did this to him- and me- she raised me as well.

It seems likely that every generation or so, values change just enough to confuse the older generation since the ones that they considered to dictate reality all their lives are generally incompatible with a lot of what the younger generations adapt to seeing and thinking. Having trouble forming sentences but yeah, there are going to be some misunderstandings and trivializations when the older generation has no clue why the younger generation is so upset about climate change or something like that(I think that's an often cited example).