Conspiracy theories about the last woman I dated...

[noname223]

We have different values. Our ways split. She insults people with mental illness who want to talk about it. I explained all of a that in this thread https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-am-in-a-state-of-panic.200892/

She cancelled our date in a dubious way. I think she lied to me.

We then had a discussion about AI and she pretended so much bullshit. Things that were utterly illogical. I tried to show the inconsistency in her argumentation. Then she was mad at me for that and had allegations against me. (I would not understand her). She looks really good but I think her personality isn't that good.

There is something about her. She lives a luxury lifestyle. Her phone costed 1.800 Euros, she goes shopping all the time, boat trips, restaurants etc.

I had the feeling she barely shares anything personal about her. She did not say which mental illness she has (I suspect borderline). And at one time I asked her how she finances her lifestyle. And she told me one should not ask such a question.

I speculated with my friends. She is on welfare (in Germany that's for now approximately 550 Euros per months, the new government wants to decrease it assholes)
She has no contact with her family.

My first thought were debts. She told me something like when she really wants something she saves money for it. Or she pays it in rates but she would not recommend it to people who cannot deal with that. In her rant about articifial intelligence she also said intelligence shows ítself when people can handle their finances in the right way.

My second thought was prostitution. She is from Syria my therapist thinks this makes prostitution less likely but she is secular. Now I think that's pretty unlikely.

A friend of mine had a different theory: onlyfans. Actually this seems more likely than prostiution

She has a private instagram account. I was allowed to follow her. And some of her photos were slightly sexual explicit. Not something hardcore but at one photo one could see her string tanga and on many pictures a lot decollete:. However, the instagram account makes the onlyfans theory less likely. There was only one pervert guy who commented on her pictures. Wouldn't her profile be full of perverts if she had an onlyfans? Maybe on onlyfans without showing her face?

I had the feeling she wanted to keep everything a secret. Even her mental illness which I considered weird.

If the debts theory is wrong most other explanations mean she is involved in illegal activity. Getting welfare while not indicating further income is illegal.

 

[derpyderpins]

It's not easy, and there's no formula for how to do it, but you've got to move past thinking about her at all.

I don't want to say anything too bad about her, because I do think you will look back with some - even if only a little - fondness of having the experience. Let's just say some people who are more ... "difficult" ... can have a way of making you keep thinking about them, because they're behaving and living their life in such a [difficult] way that it's like a puzzle. The fact is they're just [difficult] and that's all there is to it.

You gotta get the "ick" as the kids call it. Realize that it's just not that interesting outside of the romantic tension. So she spends a lot and hides a lot: drowning in debt, welfare fraud, prostitution, onlyfans . . . really, someone with debt, committing welfare fraud, having onlyfans, or whoring themselves out are not actually interesting. In fact, lots of people do - or attempt - all of those things.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Maybe it's inheritance? She wouldn't have to be in contact with her family to have that. Trust fund from her parents? She may not like them but, they may still be willing to finance her.

Regardless though, some people are very private about money. My family is like that. For years, my Dad wouldn't even tell me how much he earnt! It was something 'you didn't ask'. They would also absolutely advise me not to share financial details to a would- be boyfriend. Some people are out for money. Not to say you are but- how could she be sure? She may just be following the advice she got growing up.

Were you entirely honest with her about your situation?

Regarding mental health, she may not be diagnosed. Again- it can sometimes depend largely on what our parents believe and push for. Once again, my Dad hasn't got much time for 'mental illness'. He doesn't like the idea of therapy or medication. So- I'd hit 30 by the time I actually reached out for some help. A lot of who we are I believe is influenced by how we were raised. What ideas we were exposed to. What we were encouraged to share and keep secret.

Of course, you could well be right though. Maybe the bigger issue though is- was it a problem that she wasn't open with you? Perhaps she would have been in time but, was that the bigger issue? Her keeping secrets?

 

[noname223]

Maybe it's inheritance? She wouldn't have to be in contact with her family to have that. Trust fund from her parents? She may not like them but, they may still be willing to finance her.

Regardless though, some people are very private about money. My family is like that. For years, my Dad wouldn't even tell me how much he earnt! It was something 'you didn't ask'. They would also absolutely advise me not to share financial details to a would- be boyfriend. Some people are out for money. Not to say you are but- how could she be sure? She may just be following the advice she got growing up.

Were you entirely honest with her about your situation?

Regarding mental health, she may not be diagnosed. Again- it can sometimes depend largely on what our parents believe and push for. Once again, my Dad hasn't got much time for 'mental illness'. He doesn't like the idea of therapy or medication. So- I'd hit 30 by the time I actually reached out for some help. A lot of who we are I believe is influenced by how we were raised. What ideas we were exposed to. What we were encouraged to share and keep secret.

Of course, you could well be right though. Maybe the bigger issue though is- was it a problem that she wasn't open with you? Perhaps she would have been in time but, was that the bigger issue? Her keeping secrets?

I think her family is not rich. I think we once talked about it. One part of her family had some money, and another part was poor. It would be still illegal to get welfare while having a fortune. I cannot rule out the inheritance theory but I consider it unlikely. She left Syria 10 years ago. Why would she get the money that early?

Your question whether I was completely honest is interesting. I think in fact she did not want to know it. She stopped me when I talked about the domestic violence I experienced as child. And told me she wants to learn about me in a slow way. 3-4 weeks later we still barely talked about personal stuff. She did not ask me anything.

She was in therapy some years ago. And her main take away from that was people who have triumphed over their traumata/proceeded it, don't talk about mental health stuff. I guess it is her way to cope. She knew what borderline was.

It was no problem for me she did not disclose where all that money came from. The problem was rather there was no emotional openess. She did not want to be vulnerable in front of me. I had the feeling we remain strangers. Moreover, I had the feeling she played along with me. This is why I asked for a date. Then she cancelled the date for dubious reasons. Then we had another misunderstanding where she accused me of not understanding her. The things she said about artificial intelligence were really inconsistent and not logical and she blamed me for that.

Whatever. I am again on dating apps. But I barely get matches. I don't know why. I had a little bit more success beforerhand. I think I am pretty good at texting but I am not good at getting matches and likes. Maybe because my pictures were taken in winter and I might need more spring/summer pictures?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think her family is not rich. I think we once talked about it. One part of her family had some money, and another part was poor. It would be still illegal to get welfare while having a fortune. I cannot rule out the inheritance theory but I consider it unlikely. She left Syria 10 years ago. Why would she get the money that early?

Your question whether I was completely honest is interesting. I think in fact she did not want to know it. She stopped me when I talked about the domestic violence I experienced as child. And told me she wants to learn about me in a slow way. 3-4 weeks later we still barely talked about personal stuff. She did not ask me anything.

She was in therapy some years ago. And her main take away from that was people who have triumphed over their traumata/proceeded it, don't talk about mental health stuff. I guess it is her way to cope. She knew what borderline was.

It was no problem for me she did not disclose where all that money came from. The problem was rather there was no emotional openess. She did not want to be vulnerable in front of me. I had the feeling we remain strangers. Moreover, I had the feeling she played along with me. This is why I asked for a date. Then she cancelled the date for dubious reasons. Then we had another misunderstanding where she accused me of not understanding her. The things she said about artificial intelligence were really inconsistent and not logical and she blamed me for that.

Whatever. I am again on dating apps. But I barely get matches. I don't know why. I had a little bit more success beforerhand. I think I am pretty good at texting but I am not good at getting matches and likes. Maybe because my pictures were taken in winter and I might need more spring/summer pictures?

Yeah, that sounds fair- you hoped she would be more emotionally open. It's how you get closer to someone I guess. Like you say though- people are all different. Some see 'getting over' struggles as not needing to talk about them. I also tend to read that as there still being discomfort talking about them. But yeah, also fair that she wanted to become more personal slowly.