Help Conflicting Feelings

[ryla2090]

I.....I'm not sure about what I want to do anymore. I'm feeling really conflicted.
I really don't know what to do anymore.
My life is falling down the drain, that's for sure, but I'm still unsure.
I've had a couple "rescue" attempts from concerned family friends that live in Rome, and each time I fend them off, g, I feel more and more unsure. At this rate, they'll sniff a rat, and then I won't be able to CTB anymore, so if I want to CTB, I have to be REALLY quick, but I'm not sure anymore.
I feel lost, helpless, desperate.
I'm tempted to call my parents, or just anyone really, about what I'm feeling now, and what I have done(I'll be sure not involve you all in this, y'all are genuinely good folks), and just request for aid.
But I'm afraid even if I were to do that, they'll just get angry at me. I did talk about them in the past, multiple times, about this, and they helped me each time. But, I've done this too many times, and I'm afraid that they'll turn away this time.
I want to CTB, so hard, but at the same time, I'm hoping something, someone will stop me.
What should I do in this......situation?
I really, really need answers.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

What kind of aid did you get in the past when you asked your family for help?

 

[Deleted member 14386]

Theres been a couple of threads similar to this recently, the general consensus (AFAICT) is to exhaust all other options before ctb. It really is the last resort, if you're unsure, wait and try again at life. You can always come back to the option of ctb, but not the other way round
also if they helped before, it's worth trying right? If they get annoyed do what you want, but give it a shot (not telling you what to do but you may as well considering the finality of the other option)

 

[Worndown]

Unless you are 100% sure...stop.
Call someone and see what help you can get.

 

[ryla2090]

What kind of aid did you get in the past when you asked your family for help?

From what I remember, just about everything except medication/psycharitrist/hospital.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

From what I remember, just about everything except medication/psycharitrist/hospital.

That doesn't really say anything. What did they actually do?

Of course you don't have to say....

 

[Worndown]

If family cannot help, call anyone that can.

 

[ryla2090]

Theres been a couple of threads similar to this recently, the general consensus (AFAICT) is to exhaust all other options before ctb. It really is the last resort, if you're unsure, wait and try again at life. You can always come back to the option of ctb, but not the other way round
also if they helped before, it's worth trying right? If they get annoyed do what you want, but give it a shot (not telling you what to do but you may as well considering the finality of the other option)

Well, this is the problem. I did everything I could alone, and within my budget, but I've left my family members, and other people that are close to me out of this, as my dad is having cancer treatment, and you know how the Corona Virus has hit Italy and Korea, so I didn't want them to worry any more than they had to.

That doesn't really say anything. What did they actually do?

Of course you don't have to say....

It was a while ago, so that's what I remember for sure.

 

[Abaigh]

Unless you are 100% sure...stop.
Call someone and see what help you can get.

I agree you have to be 100% because if not when you try your survival instinct is gonna kick in anyways of you just do it. Also I'm here if you want to talk through anything with me. Is there any other people you could talk to.

 

[ryla2090]

I agree you have to be 100% because if not when you try your survival instinct is gonna kick in anyways of you just do it. Also I'm here if you want to talk through anything with me. Is there any other people you could talk to.

Well, I blocked out everyone close to me, but if I reach out there are at least 2-3 people that'll respond no matter what time(that being my parents and my older brother).

 

[Worndown]

What happens to you without help will probably concern them more.
Are there social services you can contact.

 

[Abaigh]

Well, I blocked out everyone close to me, but if I reach out there are at least 2-3 people that'll respond no matter what time(that being my parents and my older brother).

Would you be open to talking to them about it? Or even hotlines even tho they are usually worthless it could be worth a try.

 

[ryla2090]

What happens to you without help will probably concern them more.
Are there social services you can contact.

Social services....are you talking about those suicide hotlines? Or something else entirely?

Would you be open to talking to them about it? Or even hotlines even tho they are usually worthless it could be worth a try.

Maybe, mabye not. I'm not sure.

 

[Abaigh]

Social services....are you talking about those suicide hotlines? Or something else entirely?

Maybe, mabye not. I'm not sure.

If you want we can talk about it on the pm or continue to talk here whatever you are comfortable with.

 

[ryla2090]

If you want we can talk about it on the pm or continue to talk here whatever you are comfortable with.

Tbh, I just need someone to talk with. You want to continue it on PMs?

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

I am here to talk. I am in a similar situation and please pm me if you ever want/need to talk to someone. I'm here for you. I know it's really really tough. I know what you are feeling I get it. This post brings tears to my eyes because I feel the exact same. Lost helpless desperate. Wanting it to stop, to end, to cease, but not being sure you want your life to end just yet. I am here for you

 

[ryla2090]

I am here to talk. I am in a similar situation and please pm me if you ever want/need to talk to someone. I'm here for you. I know it's really really tough. I know what you are feeling I get it. This post brings tears to my eyes because I feel the exact same. Lost helpless desperate. Wanting it to stop, to end, to cease, but not being sure you want your life to end just yet. I am here for you

Thanks! I really appreciate it.