Conflicted

[CrazyDiamond04]

I know I'm not alone in this feeling of confliction about CTBing. Sometimes I have days where I have a ton of fun and feel great but I still feel like I have to CTB because of other various problems in my life. It's kinda like a little taste of pleasure and happiness before going back to the drag that is a "normal" day for me. I almost feel like I have to CTB but I don't fully hate life necessarily.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I sympathise. It's not like I hate everything. I suppose I feel like the bad outweighs the good though. Plus, I feel like it's only going to get worse for me. I do still have the capability to appreciate and enjoy things though- which I guess I'm thankful for. Not sure that's enough though- ultimately.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can relate to it! My life wouldn't be too bad but things are actually not good for me and I don't expect a bright future and have no real hope for it and so. I wish for CTB so much but I also would like to go on living but the circumstances for the future are not promissing here.

 

[vitbar]

It's similar for me. Good times and bad times. The bad are real bad. For me it's the crippling loneliness that is pushing me up to the edge. Without it I'd still have bad days, but not bad enough.

 

[tryagain]

I know I'm not alone in this feeling of confliction about CTBing. Sometimes I have days where I have a ton of fun and feel great but I still feel like I have to CTB because of other various problems in my life. It's kinda like a little taste of pleasure and happiness before going back to the drag that is a "normal" day for me. I almost feel like I have to CTB but I don't fully hate life necessarily.

I completely understand what you are saying!

 

[PurpleVoid]

It's interesting that someone just replied to this thread. I didn't see it when scrolling through recent posts. But strangely, just now, I posted a thread along the same lines. I also still experience some enjoyment of things now and again. The problem is that I'm finding joy in small distractions, but when I remember that the general core of my life is terrible and only getting worse, I want to CTB. I can't distract myself forever.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

It's interesting that someone just replied to this thread. I didn't see it when scrolling through recent posts. But strangely, just now, I posted a thread along the same lines. I also still experience some enjoyment of things now and again. The problem is that I'm finding joy in small distractions, but when I remember that the general core of my life is terrible and only getting worse, I want to CTB. I can't distract myself forever.

Yes, this is exactly how I feel.