Venting Conflicted on a family member’s CTB attempt

[catastrophix]

Just a warning, this might be a bit all over the place because I've had a very hard time dealing with focusing and such today.

Okay, so—Today I received some upsetting news about one of my much younger family members— They attempted CTB. While I definitely consider myself pro choice, I wouldn't extend all those beliefs onto a kid, which is what this family member is. I can't help but feel so saddened and empathetic for them. This is the first time they ever said or did something harmful to themselves, so it was kind of a shock. Their dad has schizophrenia, and they said that they tried to CTB because of voices in their head telling them to.

I feel so horrible. I know what it's like being their age and having the same symptoms and it just hurts my heart. I've been so numb lately, but this has made me lose my apathy and now I feel so guilty for wanting to make CTB plans while trying to stay positive for my family member. They're so young that they definitely have an above average chance at recovering, now that they are receiving professional help and additional support from family… But I feel like such a fraud, telling them that there is light at the end of the tunnel when my tunnel is still pitch black. IDK how to feel honestly. This whole thing has me thinking about my how my family will react when I eventually CTB. The guilt eats me alive and keeps me up at night.

(Has anyone here ever had a similar experience? I'd like to hear about it if you're okay with sharing it)

Thanks for reading this far, I hope I made sense
(@_@)

 

[Dr.Sleep (Im tired)]

The human mind is a quite delicate and interesting. I was in a suicide pact a good few years back, the date came, no one fucking did it, we were just kids. Sometimes, kids make things up to get attention. Other times, kids actually believe what they are saying. From what i can gather from the situation, the kid was probably is middle, early high school. This is the age where kids start to learn how to white lie, how to make themselfs appear more "interesting" and what not. You should probably get the kid some help, but it could be growing pains, or puberty speaking. Im not trying to undermine your diagnosis of the situation, im just offering my thoughts (for lack of a better word).

 

[leeloosnow]

That must be so hard and conflicting, I'm really sry to hear ur fam is going thru that. Schizophrenia has a huge genetic factor, I can certainly understand how overwhelming it must be for a child to fuction with that condition. Really hope the early start to treatment will help change course for their life so they'll have the necessary coping mechanisms as an adult. I would feel very mixed abt my own ctb in that case too. If you do decide to leave hopefully they'll understand your choice, if it had to do with schizophrenia or not, and hopefully he'd find a renewed dedication to recovery. But, at the end of the day it's up to us. We are going to cause someone to feel the pain of loss and confusion when we go, that is even true for natural deaths. I wish you and your family the all the best <3

 

[honeyed_achelois]

my younger brother tried to ctb a couple years ago. it was pretty shocking as none of us suspected he was depressed or anything. he went to a psych ward for a couple weeks and got on meds. he's doing better now, but still struggles a lot. i still remember wishing i could've magically switched our places somehow and been the one to try and ctb. i still wish i could take away all of his suffering.

i hope he gets better, but as someone in the same boat as him i understand. however i feel like 13 is much too young to decide to ctb. he's a lot stronger than me and i hope he doenst try again.

i think after everything i feel a lot more guilty knowing exactly what my family will go through. if you've never experienced someone ctb or try to you can only imagine how your family might grieve, but it's so much harder actually seeing it and knowing you might put your family through it all over again. i know that for myself though, if the pain gets to be too much i'll have to put myself before my family. hopefully they'll understand a little.