Conflict with CTB and family

[redacteduser1]

I am not sure how this will come out, it's a bit hard for me to put my thoughts into words, so sorry if this doesn't make sense in certain aspects. I am ready to CTB, with one obvious, specific exception holding my back - my family. However in a more specific way. It's not leaving my family as a WHOLE behind. More so, it's the fact that my parents are old and separated. Im 19, turning 20 in less than a month, and I live with my mom, who is my biggest concern. My mom and dad are both 60 and 61, respectively. They are separated, and not on good terms. They had me late in life, so there's not much family left in their lives. My mothers parents died a few years back, and my fathers family is back in Ukraine (we are in the US), and they are nearing the end of their lives. My older brother and his wife, kids, in-laws (basically extended family), are close to my mother, but they recently moved across the country. So it's basically just my mom and I, with my dad sort of in our lives, but only as my dad, and on very terrible terms with my mom. I have this insane guilt holding me back about the fact that when I CTB, my mom will be all alone. She is certainly not getting back with my dad, who is also living a sad and lonely life. She even once said that if I ever CTB, she will do the same. Her age also concerns me. She is much older than most moms of people my age are. I just cannot handle the thought of her miserable afterwards. I don't know how to move past this guilt, come to terms with it. If my parents were still together, even at this age, I would easily CTB, but knowing I'm leaving her behind to a lonelier life, at an older age like hers, is eating me up inside. I'm not sure exactly what I am looking for in response to this, but any type of commentary, whether it be reassurance or advice, would be cool.

 

[Weltall]

If you are concerned for your mother's sake, then would you consider delaying CTB until she passes?
If you truly can't wait, then there's not much you can do to ease her suffering.
You could try leaving notes for her, to re-assure her about your decision.

Grief and sadness affect our decision making, and it would be normal for any other person besides just 'us' to feel those same emotions.
Try to consider what you value most out of this predicament.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, but I guess that after all only you can decide what to do, it's a personal decision, nobody is obligated to continue existing here. But anyway best wishes.

 

[redacteduser1]

It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, but I guess that after all only you can decide what to do, it's a personal decision, nobody is obligated to continue existing here. But anyway best wishes.

Thank you for your kind words

If you are concerned for your mother's sake, then would you consider delaying CTB until she passes?
If you truly can't wait, then there's not much you can do to ease her suffering.
You could try leaving notes for her, to re-assure her about your decision.

Grief and sadness affect our decision making, and it would be normal for any other person besides just 'us' to feel those same emotions.
Try to consider what you value most out of this predicament.

Thank you for the advice :)

 

[Antoine_Roquentin]

I am not sure how this will come out, it's a bit hard for me to put my thoughts into words, so sorry if this doesn't make sense in certain aspects. I am ready to CTB, with one obvious, specific exception holding my back - my family. However in a more specific way. It's not leaving my family as a WHOLE behind. More so, it's the fact that my parents are old and separated. Im 19, turning 20 in less than a month, and I live with my mom, who is my biggest concern. My mom and dad are both 60 and 61, respectively. They are separated, and not on good terms. They had me late in life, so there's not much family left in their lives. My mothers parents died a few years back, and my fathers family is back in Ukraine (we are in the US), and they are nearing the end of their lives. My older brother and his wife, kids, in-laws (basically extended family), are close to my mother, but they recently moved across the country. So it's basically just my mom and I, with my dad sort of in our lives, but only as my dad, and on very terrible terms with my mom. I have this insane guilt holding me back about the fact that when I CTB, my mom will be all alone. She is certainly not getting back with my dad, who is also living a sad and lonely life. She even once said that if I ever CTB, she will do the same. Her age also concerns me. She is much older than most moms of people my age are. I just cannot handle the thought of her miserable afterwards. I don't know how to move past this guilt, come to terms with it. If my parents were still together, even at this age, I would easily CTB, but knowing I'm leaving her behind to a lonelier life, at an older age like hers, is eating me up inside. I'm not sure exactly what I am looking for in response to this, but any type of commentary, whether it be reassurance or advice, would be cool.

I'm in a similar situation, although only my mom is still alive. My dad died when I was younger and it took her a lot of time to get over it. I am an only child and I know for sure it will utterly destroy her if I ctb. But at the moment I see no other way out of this. But in contrast to your mum she at least has a wide circle of friends and is constantly out and about doing a lot of stuff.

 

[silentnights56]

I think we should still make the best decisions for ourselves. Sure, consider other people, but the determining factor should not be external. It's our lives, our bodies after all

I'm in a similar situation, although only my mom is still alive. My dad died when I was younger and it took her a lot of time to get over it. I am an only child and I know for sure it will utterly destroy her if I ctb. But at the moment I see no other way out of this. But in contrast to your mum she at least has a wide circle of friends and is constantly out and about doing a lot of stuff