Venting Coming to terms with the fact that I'm a failure

[Gaga786]

No matter how many times I try to fight it or try to think positive, I have to face the reality. At school I was loathed by everyone, at home I was berated by my family and my cousins ganged up on me. It just seems like I never belonged anywhere–and why would I ? I failed at everything I did. I failed at making friends, I failed at communicating with others, I failed all of my classes. There is no future for a pathetic person like me. Out of all 90 people in my school batch, perhaps the entire school, I am the biggest failure out of them all. All of my peers are immensely successful. I was torn to pieces by everyone in my life.. It's as if they knew I was essentially worthless. And they are right, I am a nobody. All I was a punching bag for others to deploy their frustration on. Death seems to be the only relief

 

[brokeandbroken]

No matter how many times I try to fight it or try to think positive, I have to face the reality. At school I was loathed by everyone, at home I was berated by my family and my cousins ganged up on me. It just seems like I never belonged anywhere–and why would I ? I failed at everything I did. I failed at making friends, I failed at communicating with others, I failed all of my classes. There is no future for a pathetic person like me. Out of all 90 people in my school batch, perhaps the entire school, I am the biggest failure out of them all. All of my peers are immensely successful. I was torn to pieces by everyone in my life.. It's as if they knew I was essentially worthless. And they are right, I am a nobody. All I was a punching bag for others to deploy their frustration on. Death seems to be the only relief

I know how you feel. I too was viciously bullied in school. I have failed classes. And I also made it into medical school. Where I was the victim of crimes and was forced out illegally. Now I'm 150k+ in debt, homeless, with no career, no job prospects, nothing. People I was in medical school with. Bullied me severely. And guess what they are doctors or are becoming doctors. I was entertainment someone to bully and discard. Yesterday's trash. Easy money for the faculty. Someone to scam. I also have no friends.

My family abandoned me as a result. Now despite a monumental amount of effort I am a failure. Just a bum.

 

[Gaga786]

I know how you feel. I too was viciously bullied in school. I have failed classes. And I also made it into medical school. Where I was the victim of crimes and was forced out illegally. Now I'm 150k+ in debt, homeless, with no career, no job prospects, nothing. People I was in medical school with. Bullied me severely. And guess what they are doctors or are becoming doctors. I was entertainment someone to bully and discard. Yesterday's trash. Easy money for the faculty. Someone to scam. I also have no friends.

My family abandoned me as a result. Now despite a monumental amount of effort I am a failure. Just a bum.

It just hurts when everyone else is absolutely killing it in life, while we are living life on the sidelines. I can't deal with It anymore. What exactly did I do to deserve this is the question recurring in my mind. Homelessness and debt with decay seems to laid out for me in my future. I just wish I could end it if I had the guts. Im sorry that you had to endure that, no one deserves that. This life can be so cruel

 

[brokeandbroken]

It just hurts when everyone else is absolutely killing it in life, while we are living life on the sidelines. I can't deal with It anymore? What exactly did I do to deserve this. Homelessness and debt with decay seems to laid out for me in my future. I just wish I could end it if I had the guts. Im sorry that you had to endure that, no one deserves that. This life can be so cruel

Why debt?

And trust me I agree. Nothing is more frustrating then failing because I was robbed essentially. My career stolen. Dream of being an oncologist taken away. Trust me I know.

 

[Gaga786]

Why debt?

And trust me I agree. Nothing is more frustrating then failing because I was robbed essentially. My career stolen. Dream of being an oncologist taken away. Trust me I know.

I can't work. I can hardly get out of my bed, let alone have a job or do anything else. I also have a speech impediment, which makes it harder for me to communicate with others without looking like a fool. I also don't have any talents or any other thing that I am good at which can make my life more meaningful. On top of that my severe anxiety prevents me from doing anything. I can't even imagine what my future seems like if I even make it to that point.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I can't work. I can hardly get out of my bed, let alone have a job or do anything else. I also have a speech impediment, which makes it harder for me to communicate with others without looking like a fool. I also don't have any talents or any other thing that I am good at which can make my life more meaningful. On top of that my severe anxiety prevents me from doing anything. I can't even imagine what my future seems like if I even make it to that point.

Surely you have talents. For instance computers? Or mechanical things?

 

[Gaga786]

Surely you have talents. For instance computers? Or mechanical things?

absolutely nothing. Nothing grants me joy anymore. I just don't have the drive to do anything. Maybe working as a servant in other people houses is the only thing I can do, but I don't want to live that life. I don't think ill be able to take that under any chances

 

[brokeandbroken]

absolutely nothing. Nothing grants me joy anymore. I just don't have the drive to do anything. Maybe working as a servant in other people houses is the only thing I can do, but I don't want to live that life. I don't think ill be able to take that under any chances

That's really tough and I know how it is. I legitimately cannot tell you the last time I was happy. What things in the past did you enjoy?

 

[Gaga786]

That's really tough and I know how it is. I legitimately cannot tell you the last time I was happy. What things in the past did you enjoy?

Gaming, lots of it. Thats the only thing that comes to my mind

 

[brokeandbroken]

Gaming, lots of it. Thats the only thing that comes to my mind

So find a way to turn that into a career. Video games design or something.

 

[Gaga786]

So find a way to turn that into a career. Video games design or something.

Thanks, but I doubt it'll ever work. The country that im from doesn't have much of a gaming support system or any funding. Options seem very limited

 

[Anon1337]

I was like a ghost in school, no one talked to me and no one cared. I got mediocre exam results and have been NEET for a while. My family never understood me. I relate to this.

I don't see much of a future for myself and I feel I have to ctb because the brutal realities of life will be unbearable in the future. Reality sucks. I suggest you try recovery first and if you're a teen wait a few years. I hope you can find a way out of this.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Thanks, but I doubt it'll ever work. The country that im from doesn't have much of a gaming support system or any funding. Options seem very limited

I understand. I hope you find something!

 

[Gaga786]

I was like a ghost in school, no one talked to me and no one cared. I got mediocre exam results and have been NEET for a while. My family never understood me. I relate to this.

I don't see much of a future for myself and I feel I have to ctb because the brutal realities of life will be unbearable in the future. Reality sucks. I suggest you try recovery and if you're a teen wait a few years. I hope you can find a way out of this.

Thank you. I hope that there's some light at the end of the tunnel, but I am at the end of a losing battle. Im just so exhausted with everything. It just seems like everything is against me. Im 20 years old yet I still feel like a child. It's almost like I grew up too fast and then given all these adult responsibilities which im never meant for. I also feel like I'll have to resort to CTB because life will get worse and I'll have to fend for myself–something I doubt I could ever do.Im really sorry that you had to endure all that.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Thank you. I hope that there's some light at the end of the tunnel, but I am at the end of a losing battle. Im just so exhausted with everything. It just seems like everything is against me. Im 20 years old yet I still feel like a child. It's almost like I grew up too fast and then given all these adult responsibilities which im never meant for. I also feel like I'll have to resort to CTB because life will get worse and I'll have to fend for myself–something I doubt I could ever do.Im really sorry that you had to endure all that.

Like I said there's things out there and you are very young. But I know the struggle.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really dreadful what you are going through, I certainly see existence as being too cruel and I find it horrible how humans create so much suffering in this world. But anyway best wishes, I understand that it really can be so tiring feeling trapped here.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm an outlier too among everyone in terms of all the conventional metrics. Viewed with pity and scorn. Those will only increase when after CTB but at least they don't bother me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Maybe this isn't the healthiest advice because it involves isolating yourself but... have you ever taken a break from social media? I tend not to compare myself to others so much because I simply don't know how well they are doing! I avoid sites where people brag about how fabulous their lives are.

 

[Gaga786]

That must be really dreadful what you are going through, I certainly see existence as being too cruel and I find it horrible how humans create so much suffering in this world. But anyway best wishes, I understand that it really can be so tiring feeling trapped here.

Thank you. It's just so difficult. I wish you the best too

I'm an outlier too among everyone in terms of all the conventional metrics. Viewed with pity and scorn. Those will only increase when after CTB but at least they don't bother me.

Same. It just hurts me knowing I wasn't good enough for anyone.

Maybe this isn't the healthiest advice because it involves isolating yourself but... have you ever taken a break from social media? I tend not to compare myself to others so much because I simply don't know how well they are doing! I avoid sites where people brag about how fabulous their lives are.

Yeah, that is a good idea. It's just that I was always compared to other people so that natural feeling of not being good enough lingers on. It also doesn't help that we meet our relatives on a daily basis who love to boast about their successful amazing lives, and it even further hurts when my own parents glorify them right infront me. Thank you though