Discussion coming to terms with ctb

[devil]

anyone else experience dissociation when knowing you're ready to ctb?
when i'm really serious about my decision I get this high where I feel like everything
around me isn't real.

not sure how to really explain it, I was kinda hoping someone understood where I was
coming from and could explain it for me?

 

[lovemelovemenot]

I always get this too. It's like a blissful daze for me. Not sure if there's an explanation to it, but the thought of death has always brought me peace.

 

[toolateforme]

cotards delusions probably

 

[devil]

I always get this too. It's like a blissful daze for me. Not sure if there's an explanation to it, but the thought of death has always brought me peace.

so the way I see it is your mind has been tired of fighting for so long, that when you think of death it starts to feel relieved and happy because it knows it won't have to continue the fight anymore.... i'm guessing that's where the high/daze comes from, you're finally starting to feel at peace

cotards delusions probably

I've actually never heard of that before, but it seems reasonable

 

[Thorn]

Your brain is trying to protect you from the perceived traumatic experience.
In contrast, dying from old age for example, the mind goes back in time, selectively to happiest memories, this is like trying to reward the person for enduring.
Apart from imminent demise, I experience this the moment I see someone in suit and tie, trying to sell me life insurance.
Feeling at peace would indicate the lack of danger, or lack of survival instinct. This may only be temporary, as the state of mind can change fast, when not sedated.

 

[deathenvoy]

Probably derealization. You are cutting yourself from too strong emotions.
After my suicide attempt l had so strong derealization that started to see world in 2D. Like in old Doom game where there was fake 3D and sprites was turning to camera to mimic perspective.

 

[dreamsofdestruction]

Well, there are times when I feel really bad and in addition there's external pressure, like from my job. And sometimes it gets so bad that I think I'm going to collapse under it. Reminding myself that there is a solution and an end in sight can make it all seem inconsequential and silly and keep me going for a while.

The only thing that keeps me alive and functioning and calm me down is the thought of dying sometimes.