Discussion Coming to grips with the pain you will cause

[ReadyasEver]

When I CTB, inevitably it is going to cause pain to the people around you. This is the biggest drawback for me. I've been collecting my ideas and thoughts for the suicide note, putting together a detailed information and instructional manual on where everything is for operational and financial purposes. Still, the pain you will cause to some is my sticking point. Any good ideas or processes out there that can help make this a manageable situation?

 

[15dec]

I've written my suicide note and I hope it will give my loved ones some kind of closure or comfort. I wish there was something I could do to prevent them being in any pain. For now I'm just trying to see everyone important to me one last time, make some good memories for them. I've bought Christmas presents -things that'll last and be kept for a long time, that'll hopefully help everyone remember me. I hope it'll help them to feel better. I'm also writing individual letters to the people I'd like to be my eulogists, as I've known them longest and think they will be most affected by my death.

 

[longingforrelease]

hey, there are a lot of people here who these issues. I'd be happy you share with you my thoughts on these issues with you, but it might help if I first pointed you to a few threads here that take up various kinds of concerns about those we will leave behind and how we might take all that into consideration in our own approach to chosen death. Take a look at these threads and see if they offer any help.

How to help those left behind
Corpse exposure
Suicide Survivors
hope you find peace friend.
b

 

[longingforrelease]

hey, there are a lot of people here who these issues. I'd be happy you share with you my thoughts on these issues with you, but it might help if I first pointed you to a few threads here that take up various kinds of concerns about those we will leave behind and how we might take all that into consideration in our own approach to chosen death. Take a look at these threads and see if they offer any help.

How to help those left behind
Corpse exposure
Suicide Survivors
hope you find peace friend.
b

just one more thing. In that first thread, How to help those left behind, there is a link to a really helpful "how to" guide for writing a suicide note. Sort of Dos and Donts that I found insightful.

 

[Severen]

One of the reasons I want to CTB is the pain those around me have caused me so...it's only fair they suffer a bit.

 

[Kyrok]

I have a huge issue with my wife. While she'll be fine financially, I can't see her being able to manage selling our house in a down market. She'd need an excellent realtor to get the place ready & get her out fairly quickly. This leads me to think: ctb in Jan/Feb so she can put the house up in the spring, when it would be easiest to sell.

She knows I'm suicidal and after some shitty news yesterday, she's been more gentle with me. Hard to think seriously about ctb without worrying about her.

Besides that, imagine being a public figure and having your death impact the political fate of causes that are important to you. A fairly unique problem, I realize, but it would be responsible of me to fade away for a few years first. Maybe I need to hire a hit man to off me.

 

[sólstafir]

I've written my suicide note and I hope it will give my loved ones some kind of closure or comfort. I wish there was something I could do to prevent them being in any pain. For now I'm just trying to see everyone important to me one last time, make some good memories for them. I've bought Christmas presents -things that'll last and be kept for a long time, that'll hopefully help everyone remember me. I hope it'll help them to feel better. I'm also writing individual letters to the people I'd like to be my eulogists, as I've known them longest and think they will be most affected by my death.

That is very considerate of you, that's how I would like to act ideally, but there is no mental energy in me to write a note. Just so drained that I will probably go without leaving any notes.

 

[Letmego. Please]

I have never left a note, mainly because i have never felt able to put into words why, how do you ever fully explain the mental pain that goes with that act & nothing i could write would make sense of it all.
How i get round the guilt of hurting people i care about is that by the time i have got to that point my brain has come up with all manner of reasons why i know that this is best for them, as an example everyone is skint, but i own my house so i make a will that leaves my friends not having to worry about where the next ££ comes from. To my depressed brain that is way better than having me around, they might not know it yet, insist that they want me not any money, but my depressed brain knows what is best for them & i decide.

 

[longingforrelease]

That is very considerate of you, that's how I would like to act ideally, but there is no mental energy in me to write a note. Just so drained that I will probably go without leaving any notes.

I'm in your boat. 15dec describes a considerate and caring approach to this, and I'd like to think I'm able to do what's in my power to lessen the trauma and grief of my passing for those left behind. One way is to make it look accidental, but i just learned today that my preferred method SWB may not be all that viable. Second, I intend to journal a good deal for my daughter, so that she can get a sense of how much I loved her, and how much joy she brought to me, etc. But like you sólstafir, I'm so low on energy right now that I can't even be bothered to start researching a new method and I've had the journal over a week, and haven't had it in me to put pen to paper one time.

 

[Empty Smile]

I don't plan on leaving a note. It's not going to ease anyone's pain whether you do or not. Someone will always feel guilty, no matter how much you place the blame on yourself.

 

[Severen]

I don't plan on leaving a note. It's not going to ease anyone's pain whether you do or not. Someone will always feel guilty, no matter how much you place the blame on yourself.

I might leave a note, blaming the people partially responsible for my suicide. But then, it might give some of them, satisfaction so perhaps no note is best.

 

[tommyhalpinkelly]

I don't really care to be honest. I'm about to get kicked out of my parents house, why should I care?

It just seems like hypocrisy. My father told me back in 2015 when I was 17 that I was immature for considering suicide but then, he threatens to kick me out on the streets at 20. I am an adult but I just find it so incongruous how people only care when you choose death but are willing to see you starve on the street or go to prison (even wrongfully).

 

[Severen]

I don't really care to be honest. I'm about to get kicked out of my parents house, why should I care?

It just seems like hypocrisy. My father told me back in 2015 when I was 17 that I was immature for considering suicide but then, he threatens to kick me out on the streets at 20. I am an adult but I just find it so incongruous how people only care when you choose death but are willing to see you starve on the street or go to prison (even wrongfully).

Typical American baby boomer parent... "I love you until you are 18, then go fuck yourself." Your father is also a life worshiping cultist... They worship life but they don't give a shit about other people. It's like they see suicide as a sin.

 

[Comatose11]

I'm writing a note and doing it in a hotel. But I've accepted they might grieve and there's nothing I can do it about (except staying here, which I won't do). Even just sticking around for less than 4 more weeks seems like an eternity.