Venting comfort in slowly killing myself

[violetforever]

is anyone else's health deteriorating whether its your intention or not? i'm at a bmi of 14. knowing that i'm at what is considered a deadly weight is one of the few things that makes existing somewhat bearable. if i don't manually kill myself then anorexia will. i've probably fucked my body up irreparably at this point. all i want is to not live with my family/be in contact with them anymore to at least see if i still want to be alive since they are the reason i'm suicidal and self harm. it will take time and money to make that possible which makes me even more suicidal. i can't function here anymore. all i've done for nearly a week after finally having a mental breakdown is lay in bed all day, fasting or eating just enough to make me not faint. the last thing i need is to be forced into a hospital. my family is aware of all my self destructive behaviors but as long as i'm not dead or in extreme visible suffering no one cares because they avoid confrontation for any problem. i just want to know what a life without abuse is like. i hate thinking that i might just have to kill myself before i ever get the chance to experience that.

 

[ggetout33]

I don't drink or smoke but I definitely eat unhealthy and live a sedentary lifestyle on a computer all the time. Basically the typical Gen Z lifestyle in the States. I'm obese and honestly kinda dead inside by this point. I could quit, but depend on the processed food because I lack cooking skills, am broke, and most importantly because sugar numbs the pain for me.

 

[itsgone2]

Yes, my diet has gone from excellent to horrifically poor. Lost a lot of weight, eat too much junk food. But it won't kill us. The body can take so much abuse. It's really amazing though sad for us.
I understand evolution made us this way but wtf is even the point? We clearly don't want to be here anymore but the body just gets to win out it's fing stupid

 

[violetforever]

I don't drink or smoke but I definitely eat unhealthy and live a sedentary lifestyle on a computer all the time. Basically the typical Gen Z lifestyle in the States. I'm obese and honestly kinda dead inside by this point. I could quit, but depend on the processed food because I lack cooking skills, am broke, and most importantly because sugar numbs the pain for me.

this generation depresses me so badly. it is nothing like what i expected as a child in the 2000s/2010s. i am dead inside too and constantly looking for something or someone to numb it all but it persists.

Yes, my diet has gone from excellent to horrifically poor. Lost a lot of weight, eat too much junk food. But it won't kill us. The body can take so much abuse. It's really amazing though sad for us.
I understand evolution made us this way but wtf is even the point? We clearly don't want to be here anymore but the body just gets to win out it's fing stupid

i still care to choose to eat healthier because of my disordered mindset but i really doubt it makes a difference lol. i would love for my body to just give out now.

 

[ggetout33]

this generation depresses me so badly. it is nothing like what i expected as a child in the 2000s/2010s. i am dead inside too and constantly looking for something or someone to numb it all but it persists.

i still care to choose to eat healthier because of my disordered mindset but i really doubt it makes a difference lol. i would love for my body to just give out now.

As a member of said generation, yeah I agree.

And I'm glad you're still eating healthy. You're able to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded lol, I'd call that a win if anything.