I found out today that a colleague (who I didn't know very well at all) killed herself yesterday. So now I'm seeing the impact on everyone left behind to pick up the pieces. It makes me feel so guilty that I could have put people through that, but at the same time it makes me want to go too. It also means there's going to be a lot of talk about it. Everytime I remember, it feels like my stomach is going to fall out. Oh and my mental health team haven't responded to my two calls today. Venting done.
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BaconCheeseburger
Comfort-eating
- Aug 4, 2018
- 693
I felt like this when my friend died. The funeral and seeing everyone there was what really freaked me out. I still think of her most days and her passing is something I reflect on when I consider my own existence. The initial shock is hard, not sure what else to say but it does ease with time x
helpmehelpme
self and collective help
- Jan 25, 2020
- 76
Been there; worked in a place where two coworkers committed suicide. Best to you in processing, finding relief.
Soulless_Angel
existence is futile
- Jul 10, 2019
- 2,225
I only know of one person who has CTBd, within a week she was forgotten and never really mentioned again by bar 2 or 3 people, her funeral had one half a dozen or so there.
It was almost like no one cared.
I_love_to_bake
Student
- Feb 27, 2020
- 167
This will be me for sure
Chiyuki99
a nightmare dressed like a daydream
- May 28, 2019
- 140
the box is empty
Sometimes the fall kills you. Sometimes you fly.
- Mar 8, 2020
- 367
I think it's because of the circumstances of her death. I've had coworkers and colleagues die and we talk about them time to time. I've had a school mate die and no one brings him up because he CTB'd. It's more taboo.
Doormat
Life is never so bad that it can't get any worse
- May 22, 2020
- 86
I also lost a colleague to suicide. He was a brilliant doctor and a valued friend. Although we all knew about his depression, it was still shocking when he died. We still talk about him years later - he was a real loss. I know his death had a real impact on me but it's hard to talk about the depth as I wasn't family or a close friend. I sometimes think that we aren't "allowed" to grieve for some people because we aren't in the close circle and I believe that it delays recovery. Does that make sense?
Lemme know if you do decide to CTB, I'll come to the funeral and bring friends from here.That's very sad, I hope you're doing ok, and that your colleague is resting in peace.
Personally I wouldn't ctb without quitting my job first. But I work retail and I don't have a relationship with any of my coworkers. So I know if I ctb, they'd just say, "ok, now who will cover these shifts?" and life will go on.
In a way it's kind of heartless, but how much can you care for someone who's not a big figure in your life? At the same time, a person's presence can affect a lot. You notice their absence, whether in a mourning, upset way or whether you simply view it as a personal inconvenience. People matter, but at the same time they don't, if that makes sense. It's a weird thing about life I guess
I hear that. It's sad, but in a way it's necessary for this brutal world. Whether it's evolutionary or a given trait, whatever anyone believes in, it was a needed programming for this world to function and advance for humans to be able to move on and forget.
