Venting Cold Feet

[Crazy I]

Sooo, here i am one day before christmas with SN in hand and anti-emetic. Spend quite a lot of money to get them both and suddenly got cold feet. Question like should I CTB tomorrow? What about my mom? My dad? Who will take care of them? Keeps popping up. I'm at the last step to CTB. What should I do? I feel like if I cancel my plans now I have some leeway to put my life back on track. This feeling is suffocating. I really don't have any other place to vent. So i'm sorry to post it here, but i really need some advice and idk where i can get them. What should I do?

 

[WornOutLife]

Those are the questions which answers are impossible to say.
I know the feeling is suffocating (...). At least that's what I did last August (and obviously failed). Anyway, I'm leaving this world next year no matter what.

 

[Arthaniel]

Sooo, here i am one day before christmas with SN in hand and anti-emetic. Spend quite a lot of money to get them both and suddenly got cold feet. Question like should I CTB tomorrow? What about my mom? My dad? Who will take care of them? Keeps popping up. I'm at the last step to CTB. What should I do? I feel like if I cancel my plans now I have some leeway to put my life back on track. This feeling is suffocating. I really don't have any other place to vent. So i'm sorry to post it here, but i really need some advice and idk where i can get them. What should I do?

Don't do anything by force. If you feel Christmas is a bad time for family reasons, then wait. I have the same feelings, I can't destroy Christmas for my loved ones ... a few days of struggling with myself will not make any difference to me.

 

[Crazy I]

Those are the questions which answers are impossible to say.
I know the feeling is suffocating but if you really wanna CTB, you should just go ahead. At least that's what I did last August (and obviously failed). Anyway, I'm leaving this world next year no matter what.

Thank you for replying, i know that deep down i just want to CTB and be done with it, its just the thought of leaving everything behind makes me soo anxious. TBH writing this post and reading your reply makes me feel a lot better, i still don't know whether to go or not and i got time till tomorrow. But really thank you for sharing, I hope you good luck on the next attempt and Merry Christmas.

 

[issyishere]

To be honest if the SI kicks in that hard that means you need to give this decision more thought. I had crazy SI on more impulsive attempts and no or little SI on calculated ones. It just means you need to ponder on it a little. Do not feel any pressure to do it now or later I've kept SN on me for over a year now. Hope this helps

 

[Sensei]

I don't know your whole situation, but if you have so many doubts, maybe you should wait and think it through.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Sooo, here i am one day before christmas with SN in hand and anti-emetic. Spend quite a lot of money to get them both and suddenly got cold feet. Question like should I CTB tomorrow? What about my mom? My dad? Who will take care of them? Keeps popping up. I'm at the last step to CTB. What should I do? I feel like if I cancel my plans now I have some leeway to put my life back on track. This feeling is suffocating. I really don't have any other place to vent. So i'm sorry to post it here, but i really need some advice and idk where i can get them. What should I do?

It's obviously not your time yet if you're questioning yourself. What do you have to lose if you cancel your plans? There seems to be some hope, as you say that you have some leeway to get your life back on track. Isn't it worth a try at life again? If things don't work out, then you can always reconsider. Put your SN and anti-emetic somewhere safe... I admire you for thinking about your mam and dad's welfare. Have a lovely Christmas with your family :D

 

[WornOutLife]

Thank you for replying, i know that deep down i just want to CTB and be done with it, its just the thought of leaving everything behind makes me soo anxious. TBH writing this post and reading your reply makes me feel a lot better, i still don't know whether to go or not and i got time till tomorrow. But really thank you for sharing, I hope you good luck on the next attempt and Merry Christmas.

You have a really kind heart! Thanks a lot for your reply and "Merry Christmas"

 

[Crazy I]

Don't do anything by force. If you feel Christmas is a bad time for family reasons, then wait. I have the same feelings, I can't destroy Christmas for my loved ones ... a few days of struggling with myself will not make any difference to me.

Yeah thats true, waiting few more days wouldn't hurt i guess, its just i feel like postponing it will make my resolve weaker and probably i will chicken out of my next attempt. But i guess i should follow your advice and not force myself to CTB. I really appreciate your answer and thank you for answering, and Merry Christmas.

 

[justanotherstar]

Hey, I know how it feels to have everything at hand but have doubts, I'd say there is no rush to CTB and if there are reasons holding you here maybe it's worth giving yourself extra time. SN has a good shelf life of 3 years so practically you are in no rush, it will be your emotions that put the pressure on and only you can decide when the time Is right on that front. I don't know about you but since I got my SN my urgency to CTB has decreased because I know now I'm only eve 24hours away from my escape and it somehow helps me hold on a little longer. There is no shame in feeling that way. Many people here are holding on to methods whilst giving life more time, many people also choose to go too. Keep talking it through, I hope it helps friend

 

[Crazy I]

It's obviously not your time yet if you're questioning yourself. What do you have to lose if you cancel your plans? There seems to be some hope, as you say that you have some leeway to get your life back on track. Isn't it worth a try at life again? If things don't work out, then you can always reconsider. Put your SN and anti-emetic somewhere safe... I admire you for thinking about your mam and dad's welfare. Have a lovely Christmas with your family :D

Yea, I guess you are right, I got nothing to lose at this point and i think i should get a job before CTB, at least for my parent's sake. SN probably can wait though living with depression is really not a good feeling but i guess all of us here know that already lol. At least i can make my parent's happy before i go. I really appreciate your answer, i think the SN will last quite some time on my shelf. I hope you a good day and Merry Christmas.

Hey, I know how it feels to have everything at hand but have doubts, I'd say there is no rush to CTB and if there are reasons holding you here maybe it's worth giving yourself extra time. SN has a good shelf life of 3 years so practically you are in no rush, it will be your emotions that put the pressure on and only you can decide when the time Is right on that front. I don't know about you but since I got my SN my urgency to CTB has decreased because I know now I'm only eve 24hours away from my escape and it somehow helps me hold on a little longer. There is no shame in feeling that way. Many people here are holding on to methods whilst giving life more time, many people also choose to go too. Keep talking it through, I hope it helps friend

I guess you are right, I have all the tools I need to CTB, Whats few more months, If i still have soo many question maybe it's not my time yet. Really, thank you for answering, it really helps. Its just doesn't feel right when i have the tools at hand and not CTB ASAP. I think I can stay a bit longer, at least for my parent's sake. Once again thank you for your answer and Merry Christmas.