I was supposed to CTB today (well 10/8/18... its 12 am where im at rn) but I got cold feet. All my determination drained out of me, like a deflated balloon. And now I'm even more depressed because I was looking forward to CTB, I was excited and was pretty much ready to leave and attempt, but I just got so unmotivated. Maybe seduced by whispers of hope? I don't know. Has anyone experienced this? I've been suicidal for years and I've attempted once, so I know it's not me wanting to live or whatever.
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willowtrees0
willowtrees
- Oct 5, 2018
- 54
im more scared of what my boyfriend will see. He doesnt know im suicidal and works out of town 5 days a week. we have 3 dogs so I have to do it the day before he comes home to be sure they are fed and have water. even tho I plan to put a note on the door telling him what I have done and not to come in and that its to late I still feel like he will think I am able to be saved. I dont want him to see me hanging there. Ill probably be gone for around 12-24 hours and it just seems horrifying espicially because he has no idea its coming. also want to do partial hanging because I have looked at pictures from both and partial seems to look better when dead. im scared Ill do it wrong and not die and end up a potato.... so yea def can relate to the cold feet thing..
Same here. I overdrafted my bank account to get rope and alcohol only to pass out on the floor at 4 AM after hours and hours of trying to find out how to painlessly hang myself. There's a strong survival instinct. You aren't alone. Personally I need to find a different method. If it doesn't get here soon I'll have to hang around for holidays with extended family.
willowtrees0
willowtrees
- Oct 5, 2018
- 54
honestly the research is exhausting. Like 50% say partial hanging is painless completely effective if not found and the other 50% say it hurts really bad and you have a high chance of living and getting brain damage. very frustrating.
BurningLights
He killed himself with his own mind
- Jul 2, 2018
- 709
Remember its all about getting the carotid artery, try placing something round your neck where the carotid is. A couple of socks on each like.
Sorry to hear you couldn't go through with it. Its a daunting prospect. Good luck.
