commonloon
Member
- Sep 1, 2022
- 6
My girlfriend and I love and care for each other deeply, and I think we are well-matched in the aspects that matter most. What I worry about is how when one of us is sad or anxious, the other one often sort of absorbs and mirrors that sadness and anxiety. For example, today I got upset at myself for messing up at work and started to spiral about all the other ways I feel like a fuck-up. While attempting to reassure me, she started crying because she doesn't like hearing me talk to myself that way, and when I do she worries that she isn't helping—which isn't true. On the other side of things, she has been going through a lot of family and financial crises lately, and often when I try to support her I end up just getting anxious and upset too, plus mad at myself for not knowing how to help.
I am really frustrated with how we often end up in this negative feedback loop of insecurity where we both just cry about how powerless we feel in our own lives AND how inadequate we feel as partners to each other. It's not like crying and talking through the emotions doesn't yield some comfort, but it doesn't feel that productive or healing either.
Even as I get more frustrated with the pattern, I also feel myself growing more and more dependent on the shred of comfort it provides. It hurts to be apart from her. She's been staying at my place more than half the days of the week bc of her home life troubles, and I want to be a refuge for her, but it also makes it hard to work on my life/sense of self without her.
I want to be the person that she sees in me, and I believe it's possible. I also want to build a healthy, stable, and joyful relationship. I just don't know how to get there. I would love any advice y'all can offer.
I am really frustrated with how we often end up in this negative feedback loop of insecurity where we both just cry about how powerless we feel in our own lives AND how inadequate we feel as partners to each other. It's not like crying and talking through the emotions doesn't yield some comfort, but it doesn't feel that productive or healing either.
Even as I get more frustrated with the pattern, I also feel myself growing more and more dependent on the shred of comfort it provides. It hurts to be apart from her. She's been staying at my place more than half the days of the week bc of her home life troubles, and I want to be a refuge for her, but it also makes it hard to work on my life/sense of self without her.
I want to be the person that she sees in me, and I believe it's possible. I also want to build a healthy, stable, and joyful relationship. I just don't know how to get there. I would love any advice y'all can offer.
