Discussion Coddling As A Child

[Crow_88]

I'm wondering if anyone else thinks this may be a contributing factor. I read recently about how being coddled as a child can lead to serious problems later in life. I come from a household where as a child everything was done for me. Any time I would try and do something my caregiver would lose patience and do it for me. It caused me to be really apathetic towards doing anything that was difficult. I ended up not building any skillsets as a child. I also ended up without a drive to attempt anything difficult. I tried things but nothing that ended up with me having useful skillsets. I also wasn't socialized as a child. I was basically just plunked down and everything was done for me.

As a teenager I was chronically bored and now as an adult its caused me severe challenges without any practical skills. I would try things until I quickly became bored and then move on. Does anyone else have any experience with this?

 

[motherofmahesh]

Yes actually. Like you said, especially when they would then get frustrated with me because I didn't do it right or the way they wanted it done. Now, as an adult the helplessness they instilled in me causes them to shame me. No matter what I do people just treat me like a child, so why bother anymore?

 

[Crow_88]

Yes actually. Like you said, especially when they would then get frustrated with me because I didn't do it right or the way they wanted it done. Now, as an adult the helplessness they instilled in me causes them to shame me. No matter what I do people just treat me like a child, so why bother anymore?

Yeah. Exactly. I tried to hide it for years and now it's so obvious. Yes. That's exactly it. I am seen a child while that can't grow up. I did some pretty crazy stuff to try and grow up and none of it worked and now I'm hard against the truth of my uselessness.

Exactly the same. They need it done how they want it done. So they never gave me a chance to learn anything. I'm a joke.

 

[identity0]

It was the same for me... i find the thread interesting because I don't know what this phenomenon is called. I actively tried to get my mother to teach me basic essential things, like how to make food for example, but she would get so frustrated and angry that she would give up and do it herself. "Just let me do it". Their anger and yelling gave me negative feedback. I think it contributed to getting an anxiety disorder, because i would be around peers and try to hide my ineptitude to avoidant embarrassment. When I was 18 years old i could barely make any food, how to clean up, didn't know how to wash clothes, wash dishes etc. I don't understand how parents don't seem to realise their whole goal as a parent should be to raise an independent child. My father seemed entirely not present even though he was physically around.

In my late 20s I managed to move far away and learned how to do things through youtube. It was a mess and still is.

I also wasn't socialized as a child. I was basically just plunked down and everything was done for me.

Likewise. I feel I was raised by singleplayer PlayStation games. My life is dominated by severe social issues now.

Sometimes I wonder if it really is 'my fault' if i'm on the autism spectrum, but my psychiatrist has discouraged me from being screened for that so far

 

[Alpenglow]

Ok this advice may be far out, and take it with a grain of salt, very large one at that. Have you tried playing league of legends? If you have and didn't like it, don't touch it with a ten foot pole but if you did, you can try getting better at it, whether in normal or ranked. Doing that (well) requires you to develop a process to improve which can be applied to other skills in life and proves to you that hard methodical work leads to results. You can also just skip it and go directly to whichever skill you want, but I feel like this may alleviate the boredom and make you feel what its like to have a process.

 

[NeverHis]

I don't understand how parents don't seem to realise their whole goal as a parent should be to raise an independent child.

This seems to be a very recent shift in perspective, with kids born from the mid 80's and onwards. Kids born in the early 80's and before seems to be raised more for independence, in that we were expected to function like adults pretty much before we reached puberty. The Latchkey Kid generation.
I'm not so sure it was a bad thing, at least not for the kids who were 10+. Younger kids than that might need a bit more oversight, although they should manage some basic tasks like heating a leftover meal even if they can't cook it.

But it seems like when the latchkey kids beame parents, they didn't think it was a good thing to be so independent, and kept the children very dependent upon themselves.

 

[Crow_88]

It was the same for me... i find the thread interesting because I don't know what this phenomenon is called. I actively tried to get my mother to teach me basic essential things, like how to make food for example, but she would get so frustrated and angry that she would give up and do it herself. "Just let me do it". Their anger and yelling gave me negative feedback. I think it contributed to getting an anxiety disorder, because i would be around peers and try to hide my ineptitude to avoidant embarrassment. When I was 18 years old i could barely make any food, how to clean up, didn't know how to wash clothes, wash dishes etc. I don't understand how parents don't seem to realise their whole goal as a parent should be to raise an independent child. My father seemed entirely not present even though he was physically around.

In my late 20s I managed to move far away and learned how to do things through youtube. It was a mess and still is.


Likewise. I feel I was raised by singleplayer PlayStation games. My life is dominated by severe social issues now.

Sometimes I wonder if it really is 'my fault' if i'm on the autism spectrum, but my psychiatrist has discouraged me from being screened for that so far

I hear it. Yeah. My mom would literally just move me aside. I knew how to do basic life things but there was a very low skill ceiling for them. And any more advanced skills weren't even something I realized were important. My dad was about the same. My parents were split and he didn't show much interest.

Yeah, I think as we age it gets worse. Its much easier to hide this stuff as a teenager or young adult. The adult world is a whole other difficulty.

I also moved far away and then ended up right back where I began. I hope you can keep on learning and gain an independent life!

This seems to be a very recent shift in perspective, with kids born from the mid 80's and onwards. Kids born in the early 80's and before seems to be raised more for independence, in that we were expected to function like adults pretty much before we reached puberty. The Latchkey Kid generation.
I'm not so sure it was a bad thing, at least not for the kids who were 10+. Younger kids than that might need a bit more oversight, although they should manage some basic tasks like heating a leftover meal even if they can't cook it.

But it seems like when the latchkey kids beame parents, they didn't think it was a good thing to be so independent, and kept the children very dependent upon themselves.

I think for some parents having their child dependent made them feel important.

Ok this advice may be far out, and take it with a grain of salt, very large one at that. Have you tried playing league of legends? If you have and didn't like it, don't touch it with a ten foot pole but if you did, you can try getting better at it, whether in normal or ranked. Doing that (well) requires you to develop a process to improve which can be applied to other skills in life and proves to you that hard methodical work leads to results. You can also just skip it and go directly to whichever skill you want, but I feel like this may alleviate the boredom and make you feel what its like to have a process.

Hey I appreciate it. It might be worth looking into. I've never played League of Legends.