it's_all_a_game
I remember...death in the afternoon...
- Nov 7, 2020
- 356
I'm so close to ctb now, and I feel...empty.
I have been craving the void for ages, but knowing it might actually arrive in a couple of months (or maybe weeks, I feel so awful right now) is just...soul draining. I never wanted to die. I wanted to be successful and content. I wanted be a writer that might even win a Nobel prize, or at least a Booker. But now, I am electing my own death.
My heart is dead. My mind is dead. No happiness, no despair...no nothing. Crawling into the infinite darkness and ceasing to exist for eternity is terrifying, but I can't stand to be here on Earth any longer. This world is fucked beyond repair, and I have no desire to be alive at all.
I feel like a zombie, the living undead. Nothing matters anymore, nothing is worthwhile to stick around for. When I die, it'll be as if I'm returning to the grave. I will finally be at rest. Forever.
I have been craving the void for ages, but knowing it might actually arrive in a couple of months (or maybe weeks, I feel so awful right now) is just...soul draining. I never wanted to die. I wanted to be successful and content. I wanted be a writer that might even win a Nobel prize, or at least a Booker. But now, I am electing my own death.
My heart is dead. My mind is dead. No happiness, no despair...no nothing. Crawling into the infinite darkness and ceasing to exist for eternity is terrifying, but I can't stand to be here on Earth any longer. This world is fucked beyond repair, and I have no desire to be alive at all.
I feel like a zombie, the living undead. Nothing matters anymore, nothing is worthwhile to stick around for. When I die, it'll be as if I'm returning to the grave. I will finally be at rest. Forever.