Christmas ruined

[WildAtHeart]

My Christmas has been ruined for a few reasons however one more than any.

I live in a country that celebrates on the 25th however me and my family celebrate on the 24th due to my mum being German and therefore me being duel national

Christmas came and went this year, had the arguments and whatever. Brothers general ungrateful behaviour… typical. But what ruined it more than anything this year is this.

My gf came around for the first time ever to a Christmas at mine. She got me a lot of really nice things however this year I didn't get her anything. Why you may ask? Well I don't have the money. I am saving for a car. She knows this and is fine with this, I have assured her next month when I have the money I will take her for a nice dinner. Again she is fine with this, she is a very grateful girl who really doesn't ask for anything.

Now keep in mind every other event, birthday, last two Christmas, anniversary and so on I have done plenty within reason. Cards, presents and dinners. I always pay, I insist, I look after her when she is low, support her in every way. Keep her happy. I try my best, this is my first relationship keep in mind. We are also both 18, and this relationship has been on for 2 years now.

Anyway that was the agreement, when I get the money I take her out.

Christmas was already on thin fucking ice by the time I walked her home but once I got home and started playing some Csgo on my pc around 10pm my dad comes in and shows me a message from my gf mum that was sent to my mum

(Gf mum messaged my mum, she forwarded it to my dad)

This is the message

"What is wrong with you people? Seriously [my name] hasn't got [gf name] a single Christmas present or even a card???!!!!!! She's devastated!!!!"

Extremely rude and disrespectful

Anyways I call my gf and try to call her mum to explain it to her

no one picks up

I message her mum and ask can I call, she says one word

No

I then message my gf who then I get in a call with, she's been drinking but explains that what happened was this

She got home, her mum asked what I get her, she says nothing, her mum begins to her angry making my gf cry. She then messaged my mum as seen above.

Below you can see the chat log between me and her mum

Names will be every ____, her mum is the slanted text and I'm the bold text

Please may I call you?

No

I try my best, I don't have the money as it's all in savings
I take her out, have done things for every other event we have had and never asked her to pay anything
And I do I always pay back
I've told her many times I'm going to take her for dinner once I get paid
Yes no card. Wrong
But I don't often do cards for people. No one in my family does cards really
Again money in savings which like I said once I get some money (work, birthday) I plan to take her for dinner

Not good enough ___!

Well that's your opinion, I try my best. If you have an issue don't take it out on my mum.

Your best on this occasion isn't good enough ____. She deserves better!

idk what to say

Well it seems to be a family theme ____! (Here she is referring to my mum not responding to her angry message)

I look after her don't I?

I'm done I've gone over and above for you ____ and this really has pushed me over the edge! (Referring to how I mainly stay at her house with my gf as my household is dysfunctional)

Do I deny it? No. Christ I never deny any of that, and I try to do good by your daughter.

But you can't show my Daughter the same care and compassion that she shows you!!! It's not good enough and to me it's not acceptable (this shit is such bullshit, we have never argued, helped her get her first job, and when that fell through I supported her through her next one, I've lent her money which I didn't see for months KNOWING I can trust her… and I got paid back, I've helped her with her eating disorder to the point she eats regularly and normally for the most part, through her bipolar. As I've said I have supported her in countless physical ways such as presents, dinners and financial stuff, and I've helped her through mental emotional issues. Like ignoring all the physical consumer aspect of shit, I fucking love her with all my heart and have done so much shit for her.)

How don't I? Again every single other event I have done things to the best of my ability
I have paid for almost every dinner we have out together me and her
Make sure she is alright when she is sad or try my best to

I have nothing left to say to you ____ I am massively disappointed and really hurt to see my Daughter cry ____

On call with her right now. Why you have to have a go at my parents is my main issue.


——couple hours pass——

No matter what, I love your daughter more than anything. I'm sorry this all happened, I hope you all enjoy your Christmas even with this all
sorry.


That's the end of the messages

It's just fucking rude and I feel like all the shit I have done has just been ignored due to one time I couldn't provide on time (when like I said me and my gf had agreed, I'll take her for a nice dinner once I get money)… some bullshit.

Anyways, I speak with my gf on call for a little, and figure out that my gf has no issue with me not giving present, she is just the sensitive type, and when her mum got angry as I didn't get anything, she cried and her mum interpreted it as me being like a shit bf.

A big issue I have is the plain rudeness and lack of maturity. I'm 18 on my first relationship, I won't get it all fucking perfect. She is in her fifties

Even when I make my points which in my opinion as very fair points she doesn't react to them. I don't care if she agrees or disagrees, just want her to react to them. Instead she acts like a child, it's fucking childish. Furthermore it's insulting she goes to my parents about it behind my back in such a rude way like I'm some kind of child. I am a fucking adult, if you have an issue talk to me about it.

Literally my gf is on my side and tried to explain it but she is so set in her ways it fucked it all up. Wont be seeing her mum for a while, it's disgraceful how she can act like such a child.

The card point she made is the only good one, but it still kind of falls through, my dads side of the family were bought up Jehovah's Witness, never did Christmas or birthdays. Now during my childhood yes we did Christmas… but mainly because my mum. My dad never did cards and therefore neither my mum really so I've never really got into the card giving. I do it yes but I do sometimes not. Sure I probably should have at least given a card. Not denying that but does it warrant such disrespect. Again I'm 18, first relationship. I won't get it all correct.

Shit just sucks, probably not a reason to kill myself over but it has forced me to think heavily into it. It all just sucks.

 

[yowai]

Her mother sounds crazy, like she drank too much or something lol. Reaching out to your mom about it is also unreasonable and looks super entitled. Also talking on behalf of your girlfriend like she's a little child who can't deal with anything herself. Some parents literally act like they're still children and have no emotional maturity, I know it from experience with my boyfriends parents. Maybe she has some issues or looks down on you because of your family, idk, I can't imagine my mom behaving like that. She'd talk to me about it in private and maybe give some opinions but never show disdain in my boyfriends presence. If everything's okay between you and your girlfriend don't worry about it too much. Her mom sounds like she needs therapy.

 

[Namelesa]

I am sorry your girlfriend's mum was completely rude and unempathetic. To me people shouldn't be obligated to give presents or cards for a holiday especially with you as you don't have much money to spend on gifts and you were brought up on not doing cards and that your partner was fine with you not giving presents. You are still giving something money wise for paying most of the dinner dates you have (and i would say you are not required to pay for them most of the time) so you obviously show you care about your girlfriend. Her mum is just stupid.

 

[WildAtHeart]

I am sorry your girlfriend's mum was completely rude and unempathetic. To me people shouldn't be obligated to give presents or cards for a holiday especially with you as you don't have much money to spend on gifts and you were brought up on not doing cards and that your partner was fine with you not giving presents. You are still giving something money wise for paying most of the dinner dates you have (and i would say you are not required to pay for them most of the time) so you obviously show you care about your girlfriend. Her mum is just stupid.

Yeah, Ik I'm not required to pay every meal, she has once or twice when we went abroad, but overall I enjoy paying yk, just sucks that even outside me doing that. I care for her but she doesn't seem to realise it. Just annoying.

Her mother sounds crazy, like she drank too much or something lol. Reaching out to your mom about it is also unreasonable and looks super entitled. Also talking on behalf of your girlfriend like she's a little child who can't deal with anything herself. Some parents literally act like they're still children and have no emotional maturity, I know it from experience with my boyfriends parents. Maybe she has some issues or looks down on you because of your family, idk, I can't imagine my mom behaving like that. She'd talk to me about it in private and maybe give some opinions but never show disdain in my boyfriends presence. If everything's okay between you and your girlfriend don't worry about it too much. Her mom sounds like she needs therapy.

Thing is even if she realises tmr that she's wrong it wont matter. She's the type who cannot admit when they are wrong which will just exasperate tensions. Whole situation is a fucking joke

 

[yowai]

Yeah, Ik I'm not required to pay every meal, she has once or twice when we went abroad, but overall I enjoy paying yk, just sucks that even outside me doing that. I care for her but she doesn't seem to realise it. Just annoying.

Thing is even if she realises tmr that she's wrong it wont matter. She's the type who cannot admit when they are wrong which will just exasperate tensions. Whole situation is a fucking joke

Sounds kinda like a narcissist, I feel sorry for you lol

 

[ma0]

Her mum's a fucking dick, thank god your gf was supportive through this.

 

[WildAtHeart]

Her mum's a fucking dick, thank god your gf was supportive through this.

She can be alright, she does care for me I think. But like within the last two - four something has changed, she seems more and more unhappy with me and I'm not sure why, I don't know what I have done or what I can do about it. She has made clear she wants me around less which is fine. My home life sucks but I can stay at home yk. So I go around maybe 3 times a week now and don't sleep around as much. But even so still she seems less and less okay with me.


Don't get me wrong I don't require people to like me, couldn't care less but when it's my gf mum who I've had a positive relationship for over two years until now, it just worries me. She has a lot of influence over her daughter. Which I think is totally wrong. I'm scared she will influence her to break up with me. I won't know what to do if that happens, nor will she

 

[Tig]

yowai said it like a boss,
Your girlfriends mom sounds batshit crazy.
Lesson learned here is to keep an open line of communication going with your girlfriend, discussing the wants needs of you both honestly and with candor.
Maybe a hand written letter would be good now though, to acknowledge her feelings and apologize.

At any rate we are both no SaSu on Christmas Day, what does that say

 

[WildAtHeart]

yowai said it like a boss,
Your girlfriends mom sounds batshit crazy.
Lesson learned here is to keep an open line of communication going with your girlfriend, discussing the wants needs of you both honestly and with candor.
Maybe a hand written letter would be good now though, to acknowledge her feelings and apologize.

At any rate we are both no SaSu on Christmas Day, what does that say

me and gf are good, she wasn't sad in the first place it's just her mum took it upon herself to be some fucking knight about it. It will work itself out I'm sure, in the meantime I'm not going around there for a while, gf will come to my house which kinda sucks because she will need to be around all the dysfunctional and failed aspects of my family but, it is what it is lol.

 

[LostLily]

She was just rude and inconsiderate of your situation. I have friend who been unemployed for 6 months and told him that he should not worry about getting anyone a gift because they would understand your situation

 

[nogods4me]

If you and your gf are over 18 you should tell her mother to stay out of your relationship.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Legit? Her mom sounds narcacisstic af. The way she is framing the situation is all about HER and how SHE feels. It's no wonder your gf is the way she is. Growing up in a household like that would give anyone psychological disorders.

That said, I am certain you two will work through this rough patch and one day you both can be free of your respective "captors" to live and love the way you want to. Be a good step for you both. I wish you both the best of circumstance in the future.

 

[WildAtHeart]

Legit? Her mom sounds narcacisstic af. The way she is framing the situation is all about HER and how SHE feels. It's no wonder your gf is the way she is. Growing up in a household like that would give anyone psychological disorders.

That said, I am certain you two will work through this rough patch and one day you both can be free of your respective "captors" to live and love the way you want to. Be a good step for you both. I wish you both the best of circumstance in the future.

Ty

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Her mother created a problem where there wasn't one. Unfortunately, you are in situation where YOU are the reasonable one, and not her mother.

Her being 50 means little unfortunately, some people lack common sense, others are immature, others can't possibly admit they are wrong or change their minds.

Good on you for standing your ground, I think you navigated that situation really well and I'm glad that your girlfriend stood by your side and wasn't swayed by her mother's emotional burst. Your girlfriend cried, that's perfectly understandable, but she stood by what you both agreed. That is a very nice relationship you have there.

As for her mother, I'd say give it some time of not talking to her so things calm down. Try your best to not feel bad, you're so young, you don't have the financial means, you were honest, you told your girlfriend well in advance, you'll be compensating in January, you literally did everything right. Don't let her mother's words influence you, you're very mature and intelligent, you're not in the wrong here.