christmas isn't the same anymore

[Yume Nikki]

I miss the old Christmas days where I used to play Animal Crossing New Leaf on my 3ds with my friends as a teen. It'd be snowing in my town and I would build snowpeople so they'd give me items as a reward to decorate into my house. Even during the New's Years, I'd have friends over to watch the fireworks together at 12AM. But now that they've stopped supporting online services for the 3ds, I can't communicate with my old friends anymore, and they have all drifted away as time progressed.

I was supposed to celebrate the holidays with my ex, we were thinking about buying each other gifts and watching the new season of Squid Game when it came out after the holidays ended. But that never happened. He broke up with me one Friday morning, and I've lost my motivation to do anything. Even though I am traveling overseas to see family soon, I am not excited nor happy. My cousins never keep in touch and they are all too busy with their own lives to celebrate with me. I don't care no more. I hope this will be my last Christmas. My dad passed shortly after it ended, and I wish to share the same fate.

 

[L'absent]

It's true, over time everything goes away... you no longer remember the face you don't remember the voice When the heart is silent, what's the point of searching? You let yourself go and maybe it's for the best.

 

[Yume Nikki]

It's true, over time everything goes away... you no longer remember the face you don't remember the voice When the heart is silent, what's the point of searching? You let yourself go and maybe it's for the best.

Everything comes and goes, and I have become so tired from grieving it all. I couldn't decorate, we didn't even buy a tree this year because I was so heartbroken. This holiday means nothing to me anymore.

 

[ambivalent_thespian]

i was so hyped abt christmas and now im having a damn episode. what's worse, my cousin ruined one of the get togethers by attention seeking.

help is out of reach and i'm drowning so immensely

 

[Yume Nikki]

i was so hyped abt christmas and now im having a damn episode. what's worse, my cousin ruined one of the get togethers by attention seeking.

help is out of reach and i'm drowning so immensely

I can relate, so sorry to hear about the situation regarding your cousin, family issues are difficult to manage especially during the holidays. its hard to get help around this season since most mental health clinics and therapists are taking a break to celebrate Christmas, I feel like I'm being suffocated by my own mind, and there's no way out.

 

[ambivalent_thespian]

I can relate, so sorry to hear about the situation regarding your cousin, family issues are difficult to manage especially during the holidays. its hard to get help around this season since most mental health clinics and therapists are taking a break to celebrate Christmas, I feel like I'm being suffocated by my own mind, and there's no way out.

i tried talking to a therapist and he said i should use the university services. like those won't be backed up to hell and back. plus i'm not even in that city for the time being.

therapists mostly just exist to suck the dick of the insurance providers.

 

[Yume Nikki]

i tried talking to a therapist and he said i should use the university services. like those won't be backed up to hell and back. plus i'm not even in that city for the time being.

therapists mostly just exist to suck the dick of the insurance providers.

They are, most therapists won't even take my insurance, I think they are just paid to tell you what you want to hear, but it's not a real bond or anything, you're just a patient in their eyes. I had one who was so awful she kept interrupting our appointments to do something in the background, couldn't even get a word out. It was a waste of my money and time.

 

[L'absent]

Everything comes and goes, and I have become so tired from grieving it all. I couldn't decorate, we didn't even buy a tree this year because I was so heartbroken. This holiday means nothing to me anymore.

I didn't make the Tree either. It's the last Christmas before the end and now I feel that everything is calm around me. Death awaits me to wrap me in its loving, icy arms.

 

[ambivalent_thespian]

They are, most therapists won't even take my insurance, I think they are just paid to tell you what you want to hear, but it's not a real bond or anything, you're just a patient in their eyes. I had one who was so awful she kept interrupting our appointments to do something in the background, couldn't even get a word out. It was a waste of my money and time.

i'm on my dads healthcare plan still. he works a good job for a fortune 500, makes 6 figures, the insurance won't even pay for an hour. your cutoff is 50 minutes a week.

i SHUDDER to think what it will be like when i'm 25 since i'm working in live entertainment. they barely pay living wages unless you're in a union.

i know i made that choice, but if it's this bad now, i know it can only get worse.

 

[Yume Nikki]

I didn't make the Tree either. It's the last Christmas before the end and now I feel that everything is calm around me. Death awaits me to wrap me in its loving, icy arms.

I avoided all holiday music and events, didn't buy a gift for anyone (my family is okay with it) and now all there's left to do is to come up with a plan. I only hope this is all for the best for the both of us.

i'm on my dads healthcare plan still. he works a good job for a fortune 500, makes 6 figures, the insurance won't even pay for an hour. your cutoff is 50 minutes a week.

i SHUDDER to think what it will be like when i'm 25 since i'm working in live entertainment. they barely pay living wages unless you're in a union.

i know i made that choice, but if it's this bad now, i know it can only get worse.

I'm on my mom's healthcare plan too, and we are in the process of switching insurances because I could not find one that could accept me, It was just endless searching left and right. There's nothing wrong with working in live entertainment as long as it fulfills your needs, but do come up with a plan b in case things don't work out. Don't blame yourself for wanting a happy career. We all have hopes and dreams. But from my experience everything gets worse as you age, including the holidays.

 

[sorrynormal]

I avoided all holiday music and events, didn't buy a gift for anyone (my family is okay with it) and now all there's left to do is to come up with a plan. I only hope this is all for the best for the both of us.

I'm on my mom's healthcare plan too, and we are in the process of switching insurances because I could not find one that could accept me, It was just endless searching left and right. There's nothing wrong with working in live entertainment as long as it fulfills your needs, but do come up with a plan b in case things don't work out. Don't blame yourself for wanting a happy career. We all have hopes and dreams. But from my experience everything gets worse as you age, including the holidays.

I know this has nothing to do with your post but is your avatar from Undertale?

 

[Yume Nikki]

I know this has nothing to do with your post but is your avatar from Undertale?

My avatar is Madotsuki from Yume Nikki. It's a free game on Steam that conveys themes of suicide, mental health, isolation and dreams very well in my opinion. I highly recommend to check it out at some point if you're interested.

 

[virgilwalks]

Holiday time is difficult but maybe more so this year.

This next week will go very quickly and then it will be 2025.

 

[mercutiomartis]

I'm sorry to hear that, I think it's okay to treat the holiday like any other day and not feel pressured to treat it as a special event.

Have you played Animal Crossing New Horizons? I recently got back into it and there's a pretty active community online so there's never really a shortage of people who want to connect and play online with you. I've had some luck there.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Used to be one of the few comforts in my rough life. Especially when my mom was still alive. She was the glue that held us together. But after she passed, we started to drift apart as a family. Well, I did at least. I did have one year several years ago that was just as amazing, but the following year I was sleeping in an abandoned trailer park in the woods, snow falling that night and temperatures in the low 20s. Past 2 years I haven't celebrated it at all as I had nowhere to go for it. This year is no different and frankly, it simply solidifies the fact that I don't belong in this world. It constantly keeps rejecting me and yet I stick around like that one annoying person that won't just stfu and go away. But past few days reality has been weighing heavily on me and after the holidays I think it might be time to try and stop being that unwanted guest.

 

[Yume Nikki]

I'm sorry to hear that, I think it's okay to treat the holiday like any other day and not feel pressured to treat it as a special event.

Have you played Animal Crossing New Horizons? I recently got back into it and there's a pretty active community online so there's never really a shortage of people who want to connect and play online with you. I've had some luck there.

I've tried to get into ACNH many times, but couldn't because I played it around when COVID began so whenever I boot up the game, I get memories of being in lockdown since it was released during that era. They took away many of the features I missed in New Leaf, such as the snow family, gracie's shop, club tortimer, kappn's island, they even made getting bells more difficult through this random island generator, and all the furniture is overpriced for no reason. Not that this game was a bad thing, I probably am just getting more sadder as I get older. I am glad it has helped you in forming connections atleast. ^^

 

[lawlietsph]

I know how you feel. I miss it too.
My parents were almost always fighting, yelling or just acted in a very passive agressive way. They hated each other and us, so being together for 3 days was a nightmare for them. BUT I still miss it like crazy.
Because I loved it.
The smell of the tree, the food my mom cooked (even if she was mad as fuck and she hated everything).
My sister and I, we were happy. Until she wasn't so happy anymore and had huge meltdowns every single christmas (she has BPD).
But again, despite all the shit, I loved it so much. I was helping to clean the house, decorated the christmas tree, etc.. it was beautiful for me. On the 25th we always went to my grandparents and had a nice lunch there. Oh god, that was the best thing ever... Now my grandma is in hospital, she's in a really bad state. My grandpa is home alone, he's crying for the love of his life.. Everything comes to an end. How fucking terrible and sad.
I have a video of my cat, last year. She was playing with some christmas ornaments. She died 7 month ago along with my dog and another one of my cats. I've lost too much this year...
My parents are divorced now for years.
My sister has her own family.
I am desperate to go back in time. Just to experience all of it once again... Even if they hated me, hated each other, hated everything. I loved it and I loved them.
My heart is broken.

 

[RiverOfLife]

I didn't put the tree up either. So much effort.
But past Christmases even when I was depressed it was comforting to sit by the tree and the lights.
I feel as though whatever I do I lose.