Christmas is the Worst

[Kobusu]

I know that we all know it, but Christmas is just awful. I don't even know when I started hating Christmas personally, even when I was in my most unstable situations as a child, I felt excitement and solace in the buildup. Lately it's just felt like I have to prepare. I think my urges to ctb come in waves, and the hardest is Christmas for me. At the start of December I start to almost "build up the breakwaters," in a sense. It feels worse when it feels like there should be nothing to be so despondent over. Inevitably the waves end up reaching a dangerous point anyways. I know many people have it just as bad, if not worse. I hope everyone is okay this holiday season.

When I was young I used to love the Winter. Now it just feels like another thing stripped of joy.

 

[monetpompo]

i feel the same. i think the loneliness from knowing that all my friends are hanging out with their family or their loved ones instead of me is just going to make me extremely depressed. i hate my family and we never do anything on any holiday. i thought that the winter would make me happy because of how much i hated the heat of the summer, but now i just seem to hate every season because i know that i have no one to make plans with or to be excited to see. everything's just pointless.

 

[Mortelles]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I can relate to wanting to ctb when Christmas comes around one of my almost completed attempts was two days before Christmas in 2020. If you need someone to vent to I'm here for you.

 

[Kobusu]

i feel the same. i think the loneliness from knowing that all my friends are hanging out with their family or their loved ones instead of me is just going to make me extremely depressed. i hate my family and we never do anything on any holiday. no one is really excited when any holiday rolls around. i thought that the winter would make me happy because of how much i hated the heat of the summer, but now i just seem to hate every season because i know that i have no one to make plans with or to be excited to see.

Yeah, it's really discomforting. Maybe it's just a loss of the innocence we had as children, maybe it's something all adults deal with. I have no clue myself, but recently I've been coping by telling myself that it's something every adult feels, and just not something every one of us is equipped to handle. Maybe it's loneliness, but it feels too convenient an answer for me.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I can relate to wanting to ctb when Christmas comes around one of my almost completed attempts was two days before Christmas in 2020. If you need someone to vent to I'm here for you.

Christmas 2021 was my first holiday after my stint in the ward. It always weighs so heavy. I used to fantasize about leaving on Christmas. I can only hope your Christmas now is better than it was before, friends.

 

[outrider567]

Fourth year alone after her death, hate and despise this time of year--It used to be our favorite time of year, we'd go out and just drive around and look at all the Christmas lights on peoples houses, some streets were amazing, we used to watch Christmas movies together (not Hallmark), our fav was the 1938 version of A Christmas Carol(1938), colorized, just an hour long

 

[Pluto]

 

[Eriktf]

tried being alone last year that was so good, i could easily been with ppl but choosed to be alone, this year im either alone or in rehab

 

[Shiitake]

I know that we all know it, but Christmas is just awful. I don't even know when I started hating Christmas personally, even when I was in my most unstable situations as a child, I felt excitement and solace in the buildup. Lately it's just felt like I have to prepare. I think my urges to ctb come in waves, and the hardest is Christmas for me. At the start of December I start to almost "build up the breakwaters," in a sense. It feels worse when it feels like there should be nothing to be so despondent over. Inevitably the waves end up reaching a dangerous point anyways. I know many people have it just as bad, if not worse. I hope everyone is okay this holiday season.

When I was young I used to love the Winter. Now it just feels like another thing stripped of joy.

Christmas for me is seeing snow fall and just walking outside, at my worst i would go into a forest and just lay in the thick snow.
I think christmas is awesome cause it gives incentive for greedy corporations to pretend like everything is fine, i feel jolly, and everyone around me feel jolly lol

 

[joey2424]

Christmas highlights my loneliness. It's also a reminder that even when I'm meant to be happy - when everyone is happy, and celebrating - I'm still a depressed mess. This thing that everyone seems universally excited for, doesn't bring me any joy. But a lot of people feel this way about it, not just us.

I actually feel a similar wave of darkness when the weather starts to get nice in spring/summer. The sun and better weather is good for my depression, but it also reminds me that there's something wrong with me. I don't have all these plans everyone else has, I don't become "happy" now that it's warm out. But ya.. Christmas has more layers.