So this year turned out to be the best christmas I have had. In just a minute I found myself losing all interest and intent and motivation to "celebrate". It just took a minute. This and all the events/episodes over the last 3-4 months make me think about CTB even more than ever. No one gives a damn and no one will miss me, so I just want to do it as soon as possible. I just don't want to fail in this like everything else in my life.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,363
I wish you the best, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, to me it's really understandable just wishing to be gone.
Thanks my friend... We all seek that release...
I can understand... I sincerely hope I won't have to be around to hate the next christmas
I don't do Christmas anymore. Growing up my mom had a narcissist's Christmas - six trees (we could barely move in the house), tons of decorations (same), and this super complicated "traditional" dinner that had to be made from scratch and always got messed up. And for weeks beforehand, she would berate and scream at us because she "had to do this for the kids," and we weren't helpful enough or grateful enough, and didn't wear giant smiles while getting screamed at. As a result, I loathe Christmas.
I haven't been to family Christmas in 7 years. I don't have any Christmas crap in my house, and I order food from a culture that doesn't have a December holiday. What gets me through is just treating it like President's Day or some other generic day off where I get to sleep. I'm cuddling a dog and bingeing Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Parks & Rec.
